☹️ An Erie Fright

Dropped Lauren at Leigh after stopping at Pano to hove her hair braided. She's such a wonderful daughter and a lovely young lady. I had that 'wow she's growing up so fast' feeling as she left to go into school. Dropped Tommy afterwards. Saw Linda briefly in Starbucks while waiting for Tommy and she made a point of saying she was picking up a coffee for a friend as if she was 'caught' spending money on coffee or something. Silly. But revealing too. Work was weird – spent the day working on due diligence stuff and juggling communications but had a hard time reaching Marlin to get feedback. Seems like this'll be the way it goes for awhile - time crunches and parallel tasks. I setup the porch to welcome trick-or-treaters with the Welded Beasts pumpkin and candles and halloween sounds that I later turned off. Didn't have many, between 15-30 or so. Getting Lauren in a bit from the Nokes house while Tommy stays at Pano.




I want to learn to be less cynical at times. Halloween sorta annoys me but I am glad I had it for my own childhood and that of my own kids, so why be so cynical? It's something I should enjoy and not find irritating. Even the disgruntled entitled teen… WTF.. let 'em have some fun.




I am looking forward to getting past the meetings tomorrow, and to going into it with a positive attitude.

🙂 Put Me In, Coach

Another kidless morning but this time around I got up by 6.30, brewed java, meditated, dressed and headed out the door. It's getting cold on the patio though… time to put the window covers up for what'll likely be the last winter at Matson. I dictated a post about the "Jest in Pun" book on the drive up, and I was in the office by 8.30. I've resumed the 'park somewhere different' behavior to break up what otherwise becomes a routine. I stuck around until ~5pm and thus, faced a 60+ min commute even with Karl Poole on hand. I had a chance to chat w/Nevin about Friday lunches and introduce him to Karl, too. I let Tommy skip scouts tonight, he's had a lot going on, and after this week Football is behind him. I went to Lauren's Haunted House experience at Leigh tonight before bringing her home. I was excited to do so, because I want her to know what she does is as important as attending things he does too.

I want to improve how I allocate time for things like oil changes and such. I did get the tires rotated, but now my car's making some noises that concern me. I should have prioritized oil change over tires. I'm not really in a position to have things go wrong, so I am hoping the oil change is the only thing needing to be addressed. I know I have to keep these maintenance needs as important as working and the kids because things like a working car enable the things I do like getting into work and going places with the kids. If I'm going to make keeping up on home routines, I need to keep up on auto, health, and the rest, too.

I am looking forward to getting a good walk in tomorrow, taking care of the due diligence tasks for work, and getting the oil change I need done too.

🙂 Smooth Operator

Kidless morning = sleeping a bit late. Worked a meditation in, worked until traffic lightened up, and I went to RWC to be onsite for the afternoon. Decent work day. Got a nice walk in. Headed out around 5.30pm. "Karl Poole" was on hand and got me past a cop on a motorcycle in the left side shoulder, looking into each car going by. We passed without a second glance. Karl's awesome. I spent the evening working through a stack of papers to file/trash/act on and whittled them all down including vote-by-mail ballot completion. Felt great to work through a backlog of items. I'd offered to pickup Lauren if Linda was late at dog training intro and I was told to go get her but then told 1/2 of the way that she'd be able to get her after all, so turned around. Tommy called all proud about all the homework he'd done. He said next semester he wanted to see just how smart he is. I said he's likely going to be surprise because I think he's smarter than he realizes. I love his focus and motivation. After getting home I had time after to clean kitchen, put away laundry i'd started earlier, and review some blog post ideas.

I'm doing well w/the majority of my daily rituals but i'm falling a bit behind on the 'move' and 'read' categories. I think both need more effort/attention. Moving is as simple as a 30min walk at work or during lunch. Reading is something I want to physically sit and focus on, but earlier in the evening, as the 'bedtime' efforts result in falling asleep.

I am looking forward to hopefully attending Lauren's "Haunted House" tomorrow in between the time I drop Tommy at Scouts and subsequently pick him back up.

Coastal Memories

My mom turned 80 this past Monday, 10/22/18. In celebration of this, We took her to spend some time at the beach. She grew up a couple of blocks from the Ocean Park pier in Santa Monica, with the smell of sea air, the sound of crashing waves and the sights of fishing boats. So this was an opportunity to hear some of her life stories, refresh her memories, and make a few new ones too. We visited the fishing boats, bought and cooked up some delicious fish, and talked endlessly about all those days gone by. It was a great experience and one I'll be working to make annually.

🙂 Double Vision

Dropped kids a bit late to allow Lauren shower-time and Tommy time to wash the cars. Leisurely spent the morning going over task lists, took off to go look at a couple of open houses. Jess/Bev dropped off two 'hand me down' tables and we sat at one on the patio for 2.5hrs talking and eating and enjoying the last two "Rhone Blends". Greatly enjoyed doing so. Finding so much value and ROI with my time being spend building and fostering friendships and gaining the satisfaction of accomplishments and upkeep over filling my time with less rewarding distractions.

I want to focus on my role as VP of E while we go through some due diligence exercises. I want to fully clearly and confidently own this, with confidence.

I am looking forward to putting in a full and rewarding work day tomorrow.

🙂 Sowing The Seeds Of Love

Sat AM with the kids. Tommy went to weightlifting while Lauren and I hung out at the house. Then we went to my moms to help Lindsey setup Halloween decor. I ran for burgers w/Lauren then to HW store w/Tommy. When we got home Jen had made Chili. I move the IKEA patio furniture out of the way and swept the patio area. Watched 1/2 of 2nd Hunger Games Movie, then Lauren went to work at the haunted house while Tommy stayed back with me. He/I ended up researching Catalina ideas, and watched the first half of the hunger games which he'd not watched earlier. Brought Lauren home at 10, finished movie w/both of them and Jen.




I want to increase my time spent writing blog posts. Nightly journaling is great but I have so many blog posts in draft form. I also want to work to clear Facebook and start posting one a day: articles, songs, quotes, and all things that might inspire or motivate.




I'm looking forward to hanging out a bit with Matt and Steve and Diana, working on my review/voting for Tuesday and having Jess/Bev over to have some food/drinks and get the patio table they're passing onto us.

😐 I Love To Take A Photograph

Got kids off to a decent start. Spent some time getting organized at Starbucks before driving to work. Listened to a great podcast about the influences of people in our lives being positive or negative ones. Work went reasonably well, there's lots of due diligence on the horizon. I went to Tommy's game at Overlook and got some awesome photos with the new camera. SO excited about adding them to his photo frame. Lauren worked on the Haunted House until 10, I got Tommy from the Varsity game, then her, then returned home to write and listen to Tears for Fears in Rio.




I skipped my meditation. I gain a great deal from this daily effort and, like writing in my journal, I want it to be a priority. Daily.




I am looking forward to a low-key day tomorrow, and in particular, having a chili dinner and watching the 2nd Hunger Games movie.

My Own Space

So far, I am greatly enjoying having made and maintained my effort to reduce distractions and focus on a few key needs for myself. I’ve been successful in turning off the TV. I have limited the scope and focus of what I’m listening to, and I am more frequently allowing for simple silence and presence on my drive to work or morning walks, or spending time at home without something visual or audible demanding my focus and attention.

😐 Second Home by the Sea

Left the beach house today. It was an awesome trip to take. I want to do it more often, and take my mom out and about more frequently to. I took a nice long walk with Jen to lighthouse point and back. It was a beautiful morning and fun to watch the waves and see the power of nature at work, and watch dogs and owners playing in the surf too. Lighthouse point looks like a good spot for the kids to boogie board. Hit Verve coffee on the way out of town and enjoyed every drop. Hit a thrift store, too. Got back early enough to field a few work tasks before jumping into a couple of meetings. I sold off my Phil Collins tickets earlier this month to avoid the rush and compression of the day. Tommy got dropped at 6:30. Picked up Lauren after her theater work at Leigh. They are both growing into their own and I am becoming 20% of their life and focus. As it should be.




Now that I'm back from my mini vacation I want to get back on my regular routine of meditation and mindfulness and movement and writing and reading. I may add yoga into the mix, but I'm trying very diligently to not over commit.




I am looking forward to taking the new digital camera to Tommy's football game tomorrow so I can try and get some good action shots.

🙂 Butterflies Are Free

Had a good night's sleep last night. We all got up around 8, mom gathered up her stuff and we drove up the coast to Princeton-by-the-Sea. She has memories of similar fishing piers. Dropped her at home. She had a great time. I hope to do this annually. Returned to the rental house. Took a short nap. Walked to Natural Bridges to see the Monarch Butterflies. Took some sunset photos. Returned to have some wine and desert and relax for the remainder of the night.



I want to return to my focus on health/weight control again. I've let things slide but I'm happy at a much lower weight and I want to focus on being conscious of this daily, with my exercise and eating habits.



I am looking forward to seeing the kids tomorrow.

🙂 Home By The Sea

Matt B's birthday today, used the 'middle finger' in my handful of close friends joke. Day 2 at Santa Cruz staying at 1522 Westcliff drive. Had a great walk w/Jen in the am. Saw dolphins again, and later in the afternoon, whales. Made a great breakfast interrupted by a power outage but a brief one. Drove to the wharf, then to Phils, got Ahi Tuna for dinner that Jen made w/mom's guidance. it was delicious. Very tired. Long day. Ready to sleep hard.




I want to stop being as 'neutral' and defending of others. Some people are just dicks, or jerks, or selfish narcissist, and it's getting old defending that we might not know the whole story or understand the 'why' of somebody's actions. Why's aside if they're being unjust or unfair or unreasonable, that's still a fact, why's don't matter in adulthood.




I am looking forward to a hopefully good sleep and a calm day tomorrow.

😐 Happy Birthday Dear Mom

Mom's 80th. Beach house w/her. Great time, great meal, great wine, great conversations.




Issues with computer and tech, ordering hamilton, Tommy needs into Matson…. so fucking much to juggle and be responsible for or struggle to get working. Really infuriating. I hate the complexity of tech and passwords and site issues and juggling all that comes with it.




I am looking forward to a relaxing day tomorrow and maybe breaking some of my tech into pieces and throwing it in the ocean.

🙂 The Piano Has Been Drinking

Both of us were a bit hung-over from the Jim and Sheila party last night. We had lots of fun. I'm glad we went, but we could have had less to drink. Tommy enjoyed having a day to geek out on Minecraft. Lauren and I saw "First Man" and it was really well made. Took Tommy to get a haircut before taking them to see my mom. Brought her Aqui. Lindsey was there too. Took the time to do some cleaning of kitchen and working through a stack of 'to do' docs. Still doing well not zoning on TV at all. Feels like that 'habit' has been broken.




I want to continue to work on building out my connections with my kids. I'm bummed I'll not see them until Thursday but I'll stay present and in touch w/texts and maybe some videos or audio messages. The next few days are really about my mom, relaxing and hopefully getting some good stories and memories relayed as well as made.




I am looking forward to having a couple of days off, treating my mom to a costal getaway.

🙂 Niles From Nowhere

Took a day-trip to Niles. Stumbled upon Cynthia outside of "Devout" coffee. Had a late breakfast, checked out the Silent Film Museum and antique stores, hit 'Savers' and went to Jim and Shelia's 40th Birthday party where we laughed and talked with Dave and Heather.

Lesson of the day : don't take the easy way out and bail on something just out of convenience or apathy. Step up, step out, step forward and have a good time connecting with others. #secondwivesclub.

I am looking forward to a likely low-key day w/the kids tomorrow. Maybe some out/about time but otherwise home bound to tend to home-tasks, and dinner with my mom to recognize her 80th.

😐 Hop In My Chrysler

Good work day, great lunch w/team at work, great time watching Tommy's JV game at Branhom. Nice having had Lauren stay last night. Wonderful splitting some wine and doing firepit for 1:1 time w/Jen while we just talked and relaxed.



Feeling a bit off. I'm wearing down. Weight's a concern. Work's been taxing/demanding and challenging. Need weight loss and work/life balance to be a top priority going into the holiday.



I am looking forward to a relatively quiet day tomorrow and doing some 'farting around' stuff. I need a day of doing nothing.



Note: I am rethinking the level of effort or focus on this daily journal. I want to do stop putting any effort into it until I 9 PM and then reflect on the day, not on composing something throughout the day.

The Real Thing You Need

Well, today is my 20th wedding anniversary. I’m on the path to being fully divorced before the end of the year but as of this moment, we’re still legally married. It’s been 5 years this month since we formally separated, and that was months after I had moved out. For various reasons of her or my making, there has been delay-after-delay in the process of completing this transition, and I’m reflecting on all the assorted feelings I have had around this entire situation.

😐 Of A Lifetime

I'm going to refine my daily entries a bit, with 4 sections instead of 3. Noteworthy events, good things that happened, things I want to improve on, and what I am looking forward to for tomorrow.



Kids to school individually. Worked from home. Had a 2hr "Harassment Training" event at work today which I'll blog about separately. Kids were with me tonight since Linda has book-club. "Angst" screening at Leigh. Tommy stayed at Pano while Lauren stayed at Matson. Quick run to Persian groceries by Trader Joes and 5 guys for a shake.



I'm making modest progress backing off of making their lunches each morning. Lindsey promoted the idea last night, based on her own experiences, and it reminded me of my teenage years and learning to be independent early on. It's time. I felt empowered and proactive earlier today when I faced a sink with a small set of plates piling up and didn't hesitate to just get 'em washed right then and there. I timed it. 4 min start to finish. One less visual clutter distraction and thing to go back and address later. I took a short walk to the Library and back mid-morning. It's a nice option. I checked out an audioCD set titled "The John Lennon Letters". I'll start listening to it on the drive to RWC tomorrow.



Taking them and Jen to a screening at Leigh of "Angst", a documentary film about anxiety amongst teens, didn't go as planned. Tommy had a big problem doing so. He wanted 'downtime' and reflecting on it, I didn't play this out well. It was a bit of an ambush. It would have gone better if I'd just told them early and up front about it. I need to not try and 'manage' things. I ended up giving up on trying to get him to pay attention. You can lead a horse to water….



I am looking forward to our weekly team lunch at work tomorrow. Last week's was fun, and I think we're onto something as a team building effort, and that it will really be a valuable move to continue to champion.



I played some early "Journey" tracks this am with Tommy, courtesy of a nudge from Nevin, thus the post title.

😀 The Wind Of My Soul

Lauren started my day with "the Wind" en route to school, and it's stuck. This day has been a good one. Kids off to school 1 by 1. Meditation squeezed in between running each of them to school, and a last-min need/deviation to Pano went smoothly as far as timing went. Work focused while having tires rotated at Costco and then I was knee-deep in the sprint tasks for the rest of the day. Lindsey came to visit and hang out, giving me a chance to continue to include her in our lives which is really valuable.




I didn't get a walk in, but I was out/about enough to warrant a reasonable amount of movement. Still the morning walks are really nice and I the 'learn from' for today really boils down to a need to move daily. Sitting on my butt working all day results in a sore butt. I need to break it up and perhaps do a morning walk and a second mid-day walk. There's no reason I can't walk at lunch I used to do it all the time around the lake. The other thing on my mind is that Jess got laid off w/a reorg and it reminds me again of my own venerability and a desire to make myself indispensable and valued.




I am looking forward to applying some of these ideas into my day tomorrow, perhaps working a walk in after dropping Tommy off at school and then another walk tomorrow after the 12-2pm meeting. Or during? Hmmm.

😐 Senses Working Overtime

I succeeded in getting up early and I did two mediations, because the 1st was 'meh'. By the 2nd I realized it's me that was 'meh'. I used the walking time to Starbucks to listen to a good podcast about optimal living and removing 'mental' clutter (guilt anger regret), but on my return trip I decided to just 'be' during the walk home and not listen to anything. I need a balance between "intake" and "processing" :-). Lauren went to a "volunteer orientation" tonight at Good Samaritan tonight before being dropped off. I'm excited about it for her. This is one of the few times I've been able to coordinate something of interest for her, like I've done so many times for Tommy. They get a lot of volunteers, it's not easy being picked, I'm crossing my fingers that she gets a chance to do something. Tommy's juggling a lot between scouts and football and homework. His tone and mood has been improving over the last few weeks. I'm really proud of him.




My work engagement was sub-par. I want to focus on having a 'wall' between the work needs/tasks and personal stuff, which I do well some times, but not all the time. The same occurs when I end up working at night instead of doing personal stuff after hours. Focusing on 'work at work' remains a key task for me to hone. I'm considering a separate user ID/login for work w/just work apps and settings, and one for personal.




I am looking forward to balancing my focus between the mindfulness of my alone time/Jen time, and the presence and engagement I want to foster with my kids over the course of the next three evenings. I resurrected an article this week I'd found in 2006 by a father dropping his kid off an college going over the things he would do differently. I want to learn from others experiences.

Get The Fork Outta Here

It was such a small action to take, but one that is giving me continuous gratification to have done. Perhaps it's my OCD tendencies, but having a drawer of combined pieces from multiple sources of tableware and silverware was really wearing on my nerves. And on top of that, I personally think soup spoons and salad forks are about as necessary as candle snuffers and egg separators… they just take up space and get in my way.

😐 Don't Let Yourself Go

I pushed myself to get up, albeit too late to walk to/back from Starbucks, managed to get in a 30min walk and meditation too. Focused well on work tasks. Found a way to retrieve a handful of old unpublished posts and the domain geoffmitch.blogspot.com, which I'm thrilled to have found and figured out. A few work issues cropped up needing prioritization/shuffling and responsiveness and I was there and on it, which also felt great. It's nice to end a work day feeling like I've added value. I had a nice bit of steak w/Jen, we discussed some plans for the rest of the year and watched some youtube shows to learn about fascism, which was pretty eye opening. ♀♂

It was a decent day but nothing over the top great. Thus the :-| in the title. Today's Daily Calm topic, about the positivity trap, set the tone for my morning. It's not realistic to always expect a smile to change reality, and reality is not always changeable. I had too much food and drink last night so I had a puffy and lethargic start to today. Did my meditation, walked 30min, and wrestled with a sense of crankiness that was my undertone at the outset. I need to remember to balance my impulses with their ramifications.

I am looking forward to seeing the kids three nights this week since they're with me Thursday due to a book club Linda's attending.

😀 Come Down In Time

I sent the kids off to spend the day with their mom on her birthday and gave them the funds to have a nice breakfast and afternoon. Tommy put a lot of effort into the card and hopefully into the day. I spent the majority of the day just sitting on the patio with Jennifer and enjoying doing little projects including kicking this blog off. I wrestled with some header choices but settled on the BIC pen. The podcast last week talked about taking one day a week to just do nothing or do things for yourself and this is what that felt like. It was a nice break, as was dinner with Cheryl and Jon and watching South Park as an exception to my intention of being mindful about content. That being said, the social commentary of the episode was poignant, how school shooting are becoming common enough that people don't react how they should.



I need to say no more often about expenses or dietary choices. It's easy to go with the impulse to eat ice cream and cookies and then I end up feeling awful afterward. Physically and emotionally as far as my discipline goes. I need to pick what I want to be my intent and stick with it.



I am looking forward to resuming my meditation and walking and mindfulness routine for the week. I'm looking forward to going headfirst into the work week with a zeal for being productive.

Resurrection

The steps I took almost 10 years ago, having moved most of my blog content from one site to another, have proven to have been missteps, in hindsight. Also, allowing them both to fall dormant is something I have lived to equally regret. It resulted in massive gaps in what I’d likely have captured along the way, over these past 5-8 years.

😀 It';s All Good

We went to Canepa's last cars and coffee. I didn't have the MacBook A from work at home, so Tommy spent less time on tech and more on football practice. Lauren/Jen/I went out for a drive through Stevens Creek area up to highway 9 and back down. Jen made a wonderful chicken thigh dish with garlic and lemon and we ate it and watched the Hunger Games with the kids. Dessert was a range of ice cream and a pan-chocolate chip cookie from Trader Joes. I updated their iPhones to latest iOS update and revisited and set up parental controls and screen time which is now working (and wasn't showing for me before).

Not having the MacBook Air to have played into our dinner and all watching the movie together which was great. I got irritated at his seeming to not appreciate Canepa but that was a waste of my energy and I know in the end he did. He was hunI can do better by responding to his impatience with patience.

I am looking forward to sending them off tomorrow to celebrate their mom's birthday with funds to do so, lingering with Jen at home and having a casual dinner with friends at Flights in Campbell.

Last Call For Cars 'n Coffee

Click to see Photo Gallery

I have wanted to take Tommy to this for a few years, and when I saw that this day was the LAST one they would be doing, ever, we made it a priority.

It's an amazing collection, and worth a visit to the showroom alone, but alas, this was the final call for the local gathering.

What Makes Me So Very Happy

Once upon a time, I worked in retail. There were a number of cashiers that would come into the office in the morning to get their cash drawers and go open a register on the sales floor. One of them, whose name escapes me, was consistently pleasant, smiling, upbeat and happy. One day, I approached her at the register on the way out the door and I commented on her constantly positive and infectiously upbeat attitude.

”What makes you so happy every day?” I asked.

A Better Use of My Time

I recently made the conscious decision to adopt a few rituals that are dramatically improving my daily routine. Jennifer introduced me to the concept after listening to some productivity and project management books. And it seemed like a really logical way to regain some boundaries over the things that take me off path, or throw me off balance.

Yellego Submarine

Something sent my way by a fellow Beatles/YellowSub/Lego appreciating friend. I'd not seen this before. It's awesome fun.

The Crow Would Be Toast

The sudden onslaught of ‘caws’ and ‘squawks’ outside our window yesterday evening went on for just long enough to capture my attention. I virtually paused and cocked my head, put a hand on my chin, and rolled my eyes upwards as took in the sounds. I suddenly realized what was going on. A slew of crows was *not* happy about something. Or someone...

Understanding vs Anger

I’ve been spending time this week resurrecting the rest of the historical posts from my prior blog. And as I go through them, it’s both cathartic and conflicting. 

The “Fuck you, Bitch“ aspects of some of my more aggressive private posts are not really me. That’s not who I am. It’s not who I want to be. It’s me reacting to being painted into a corner, feeling completely undervalued and under-appreciated no matter how hard I try.

My Hands Are Tied My Feet Are Bound

I have agonized over this divorce for so damned long. I have tried to be aggressively mindful of my kids, compromising in their interest and remaining agreeable to do whatever it takes to keep them in the house throughout High School and potentially beyond. Yet never, ever, do I get met in the middle.

As I press to get this closed by year-end, in order to leverage the tax breaks required for us to keep the house with predominantly my income alone, she still refuses to make equal efforts or compromises. She stands on one end of the chasm unwilling to meet me in the middle of the bridge I’ve labored so long to craft, design, and reinforce for the stability of all whom it must safely support.

And it just caught fire.