Highlights: California Academy of Science outing with Jen. We both have childhood memories of field trips as kids. The rainforest exhibit and the planetarium were my favorites, but like all of these places, there's so much to see that it quickly gets overwhelming. We went to the "Y" to get her card setup. She went to visit Marc and Christy this evening after they had to put Bella down today. I joined later for about an hour.

🛏️ 7:26 AM ⚖️188.8(+2.2/-8.5) 👣 10,740(4.8mi)🏃‍♂️17min ❤️66(58-146)

Jen's early morning rise at 5:40 to walk with Deann is a mixed bag. I'm glad she does so but unless it's setup the night before to afford her the ease of quietly exiting without waking the dogs… things go sideways. In away, it's a good thing. I like waking early. Just a bit later than that early. Still it happened. I used the opportunity to run to the YMCA and get us enrolled. I am not necessarily a fan of gyms but she's going with friends and it gives us yet more options and activities to do together. I pulled the trigger on my coordinated Jikoji newsletter refresh in parallel with dropping MailChimp, a long sought move. Lunch with Jess and Alex was fun and filled with all sorts of interesting discussions and topics that are vastly different from those of other parallel friendships we have between us. I walked away with financial and cinematic homework to do. We watched the first part of the Charlie Sheen documentary and I appreciated the frank candor, transparency and the simple humanity of his fathers sincere efforts to be there for him as much as he was. It hit a nerve or two between the intention and the acceptance of the limited control one has over the actions of another that are not aligned.

🛏️ 5:52 AM ⚖️186.6(0/-10.7) 🧘‍♂️10min 👣 7,048(3.2mi)🏃‍♂️27min ❤️60(58-146)🩸119/80

Highlights: Walking to Starbucks to linger with Jen on a warm yet overcast morning. Cooking bacon in the air fryer worked quite well. Stanford Theater with the Priests for "The Apartment" (fantastic writing) and "Some Like It Hot" (joyous laughter filling the packed theater).

🛏️ 7:26 AM ⚖️186.6(0/-10.7) 🧘‍♂️11min 👣 10,052(4.5mi)🏃‍♂️13min ❤️66(57-117)

Highlights. Tommy's absence afforded us a full day of having the house ourselves, and we took full advantage of it. We slept in, brewed a spectacular dark roast as a change of pace, listened to classical on the heels of our outing last night, and just relished in the solitude. It felt like lingering at a vacation rental. The steaks I thawed and seared came out amazing. An evening dog walk and more music wound up a relaxing day.

Insights: Last night's opera outing was more mind-expanding than mind-blowing. Going early and attending the talk prior was substantially bene­ficial. The theater itself was spectacular. I don't recall ever being there before. The performance was incredible. I have a new respect for the art and talent of the voice as an instrument. It inspired me to learn more about the history and origin of opera. We will be returning, but to cheaper seats. There is really not a bad seat in the house. Tommy called and touched base from San Diego. He returns tomorrow. I think I have found a healthy middle ground to avoid being triggered. It's more at the 20% line than the middle and feels like a safe distance.

🛏️ 8:27 AM ⚖️186.6(-1.2/-10.7) 👣 2,842(1.3mi)🏃‍♂️2min ❤️59(57-107)🩸105/81

Highlights: Howes Your Coffee. Tommy off visiting Gavin in San Diego until Sunday. OJ's counter & Cosi Fan Tutte at the California Theater.

🛏️ 6:14 AM ⚖️187.8(-2.8/-9.5) 👣 13,472(6.1mi)🏃‍♂️23min ❤️63(60-111)

Jen spent the day with her friend for their birthday. They went to Point Lobos and (drumroll) Fisherman's Grotto for lunch. I spent some time working on Jikoji tasks, including (drumroll again) getting into the Square Space owner account and resetting things to not be in a legacy personal account. That was the first of several breakthroughs today. I managed to get further on the "Y" membership application and hope to complete things tomorrow. Mom's access to her SSA account is back, too, freeing me up to submit the necessary documents for her medical grant for chemo. I pressed a bit on the Zen Center to get me on payroll, and I'll take over more responsibilities. It was agreed to before, but I put the brakes on it to avoid the complications it might introduce. However, things are already complicated for the rest of the year, so W.T.F. Mom's chemo cycle ended today. We talked about making some fallback plans, which we have discussed before. Only now they are seemingly more welcome, at least as proactive steps. We also discussed renting her house should she need to live somewhere with more help available. The year to come will be a full one. I strive to keep that in mind when the demands seem high. They will increase until they cease, and leave a void without opportunities.

🛏️ 7:11 AM ⚖️190.6(+1.2/-6.7) 🧘‍♂️15min 👣 16,289(7.6mi)🏃‍♂️62min ❤️63(60-111)

Highlights: Quickly recognizing a chance of rain and getting all of the outdoor area preped in time. A good conversation about some Tikoji opportunities and perhaps improvements, making cheese with Matt.

Insights: Although harder than usual I feel more confident about removing myself from a dysfunctional situation by simply stepping out of harms way. A dog that snaps and bites without warning can diminish your willingness to have them in your lap.

I'm a couple of weeks late, but… RIP Rick Davies & thank you for this.

Highlights: Monday: A controlled test of coffee roasting outcomes in a controlled environment, with the only variable being time. Windshield repair of a crack that happened on Friday en route to Sacramento. Jeff and Teri came over for Mexican stew. Pushback from Tommy on the need to reduce our water costs. Tuesday: Early am departure with Jennifer, arriving in Cupertino before the traffic. Mom's 10 a.m. blood tests were right in line with her ongoing stability. Chemo starts tomorrow. Low-key afternoon/evening.

Insights: Life events play out daily. Routine actions balanced against incidentals, such as helping Mom ensure the water heater installation team was coming. She thought it was 8 a.m., but I had 8-10 as a time range, which she had told me on Saturday. This was after calling me on Sunday, upset that they were not there yet—she had the day off. She is showing more cognitive issues and acknowledging them as well. It's pretty understandable, and it can be a struggle for both of us. Teri was very kind and complimentary last night about my engagement during Linda's illness, as well as both kids having benefited from Jennifer's support. Ten's was the friend who took Linda to the hospital on the night her glioblastoma was diagnosed. Tommy came home later, annoyed the dog and became dismissive when I asked for his attention to help reduce the water bill. I am so done with his bipolar ODD tendencies. His graduation and move-out cannot come soon enough. It might be the only, or at least the quickest, way for our relationship to improve. We're at a stalemate.

Mom called while I was in Sac with Jen and Lauren Friday. Her water heater was not working. I recommended contacting PG&E under the impression that the pilot went out, and said I would check back in the next day. Saturday morning she called saying they did come on Friday and indicated it was leaking and would need to be replaced. She needed my immediate help turning off the water and draining it. It ended up being quite a learning experience. The water valve was stuck and difficult to reach, but I managed to loosen it with some tools and WD-40. Then came the need to drain it, which included pulling an aged buried unused hose from the dirt in the back yard, cleaning out dirt to enable it to attach to the heater's drain spout, and opening it up. It gurgled and drained slowly, then stopped. She thought it had not drained fully and was proven right when I started to remove the hose only to have more water coming out. That's when I remembered they function with pressure, and there is an air-release value on top to allow air to enter as water escapes. Once opened, more water flowed, yet still slower than expected. The end of the hose had been attached to another hose that had been cut off. Upon closer inspection and removal of the cut-off extension, I found a blocking washer with a pinhole opening that I assume was once on a drip hose. With that removed, water finally flowed freely. After measuring the space and looking online for fit options, it quickly became clear that I was reaching beyond my skill set. The odds were high that this would likely prove to be an unnecessarily recursive effort wherein exchanging the replacement due to the wrong width, height, or outlet locations would cost more time and delay than simply letting the expert do it. So we did just that. Pulled in Eagle Plumbing for not just the installation but the whole project. Whew! On Saturday afternoon, we went to one of the women's volleyball games we got tickets for earlier this year. The seats were terrific and we both enjoyed the games. This morning Tommy and I had coffee in downtown LG and talked about the year ahead - school, studying for the MCAT, research and balance. I dove deep into a big task for Jikoji: moving off of Mailchimpand doing an aggressive purge and re-option for newsletters through Squarespace. There's more to do. There is always more to do.

Insights: I am still painting myself into corners by the impulse to want to "fix things "that are not broken. My mom's home phone change remains a recurring scenario of short-sighted best-intention moves. Letting go of the "DIY" mindset with the water heater is a good step.

🛏️ 7:33 AM ⚖️190.2(+1.4/-7.1) 👣 4,286(1.9mi)🏃‍♂️4min ❤️59 (57-105)

Highlights: Riding along with Jen to Roseville, picking up Lauren, seeing her wonderfully “20’s” apartment, dropping Jen and going to walk across the Foresthill Bridge and back. “These are the Days” and rewarding reflections on my parenting efforts. Lowbrau.

🛏️ 6:40 AM ⚖️189.2(0:8.1) 👣 19,623(10.9mi) 🏃‍♂️41min ❤️66(59-113)

Highlights: Our “Fall of Jennifer" outing today was to the Legion of Honor museum in San Francisco. It was a thoroughly enjoyable afternoon spent leisurely strolling through numerous galleries and taking in the history and breathtaking levels of talent and skill. I have been there before, but seldom spent as much time examining the collection with as much intention and awe. Some pottery, sculptures, paintings and glasswork date back over 2,500 years, when the tools available to create such things were few, making the details and artistry all the more impressive. After 2 hours, my brain was full. But we will return and be more prepared to spend more time with a picnic lunch break and our earbuds for the audio tour option. We went down to the Cliff House area, checked out the new visitor's center there and made a mental note to return soon and explore that area further.

Insights: Today is the 9th anniversary of Lucky's adoption by Linda and the kids. I remember it well, as I do the struggles walking him, his hyperactivity, how he would chase an RC car controlled by Tommy in the courtyard until his paws were bleeding, how an attempt to sedate him slightly made me concerned for his well-being, how he came to stay with us at Matson once or twice until he became our dog by default. He's a good, sweet, playful dog and a joy to have in our family. Happy "Birthday, Lucky."

🛏️ 6:52 AM ⚖️189.2(-0.6:8.1) 🧘‍♂️15min 👣 9,985(4.4mi) 🏃‍♂️11min ❤️61(59-113)🩸124/76

Last night's sleep was horrendous. I was up until 2:30 before feeling the slightest bit tired. Eventually, I capitulated, adjusted to the circumstances and worked on improving shortcuts to refine my pull of health metrics. Was it necessary? Not in the least. But rewarding and challenging in a way reminiscent of my earlier engineering years. There is something very gratifying about the "ah-ha" moments of insight or the recognition of an opportunity to create a sub-routine. And even now, I realize I could do more and write better code. Once I eventually fell asleep, it was time to wake up for a scheduled coffee date and a mandatory need to retrieve the car from the school under threat of being towed. As far as I know, that has not happened, but it's not worth the risk. Jen dropped me, and I returned home to sleep more while she and Wendy held down the "HYC" show in my absence. As the sleepless night progressed I found myself falling into anger and resentment thoughts. Thoughts of being taken for granted by Linda, my mom, Tommy, Jen even, and others. It was a sort of delirium, yet very present in the moment. I reflect on that here because it is so the opposite of my aspirations or self-image, yet there it is all the same. I wonder where it originated and why sleep depravation (several days in a row) brought it about. After getting the car I crawled into bed until around 9:00, then arose to start over. It was a significant improve­ment. I whipped up an omelet with visions of Los Gatos Case and came away with a bland frittata. Jen's home made yogurt saved the day… so delicious! I saw my mom as well, for her quarterly meeting with her oncologist, before returning to spend the remainder of the afternoon and evening alone. It was productive and enjoyable. The temp­erature hit 91 and finally cooled down around 8. more effort went into the time blocking, includ­ing getting tech after 8 (or at least, using it for consumption, nothing more). A night's sleep seems likely now, so that I will try with fragmented faith.

🛏️ 8:47 AM ⚖️189.8(0(-7.5)) 👣 7,351(3.2mi) 🏃‍♂️32min ❤️63(55-113)

This is a second draft. I had so much written already when I was interrupted, switched applications, and returned to find all my writing gone. What I had written was reflective and positive, and all about a good day and good ideas, actions and experiences. Yet…. Enter the bane of my daily existence … one of the hardest things for me to manage gracefully: Interruptions. Losing my place, momentum, and focus. Trying to find my way back and, like tonight, finding things messed up, lost, or just myself being confused about where I left off. I need a private office with a locking door. I know it's not intentional, and I also see being needed and of help as a far more valuable thing than writing about the relatively routine aspects of a day. Yet when I am in the flow and derailed, it can be rattling. So for the sake of brevity and risk mitigation I'll merely summarize the day as having been good. :-)

🛏️ 6:37 AM ⚖️189.8(-0.6(-7.5)) 🧘‍♂️8min 👣 13,746(6mi) 🏃‍♂️44min ❤️58(55-106)

Highlights: The bed won the fight this time. I've coordinated a rematch in the morning to regain the title. A flurry of paperwork was scattered into piles upon the dining room table and methodically reduced to a follow-up filing task and one lingering call left to make. It was a productive, calm, and focused day. My blood pressure this morning inspires me to continue my concentrated efforts. I'm hoping tomorrow's weight proves to be the same. A few local errands were run, a wonderful dinner was enjoyed, dogs were walked, and hair was cut. (Mine, not theirs.)

Insights: One of my tasks today was to respond to a denial of coverage for genetic testing to determine if the hereditary DDX41 Gene (that sounds very SciFi), responsible for my mom's terminal leukemia diagnosis, was passed along to me. The denial indicates no genetic correlation between my mom and me to warrant the test. Exsqueeze me? Fucking boilerplate denial, deferral, and delay. Insurance companies are more evil than the pharmaceutical and medical businesses they align with. Capitalism does not belong in government. Other countries are so more advanced. Grrrrr. 

🛏️ 9:07 AM ⚖️190.4(0) 🚫🧘‍♂️ 👣 5,958 🚫🏃‍♂️ ❤️67🩸116/80

Highlights: Sometimes it takes more than a little effort to move myself towards things like a 30m workout, but when I complete it the sense of accomplishment is worth it. Colder mornings and later sunrises play a part too. Jen had coffee with Mary while I went to Santa Cruz to attend another Death Cafe event. That too too effort. That too was rewarding, and validating of my desire to spin up a South Bay group ASAP. Jen and I collaborated well today on revisiting our budgeting needs and refining some details. It'll be a weekly thing that will keep us in sync and strategic. We also researched and initiated planning a family Christmas gift that we are excited about, and we will finish getting it all aligned tomorrow. We also scheduled our week to allow for a couple of 1:1 outings around some online courses we are independently starting as a means of expanding our skill sets.

Insights: A couple of nerves got hit throughout the day that triggered a sense of defensiveness. I had to practice managing my responses with patience, allowing time to reflect in one instance and managing a realtime exchange in another. Both went much better than they would have had I allowed learned behavior and insecurities to grab the wheel. It's comforting to recognize that perfection is a myth yet small wins add up to progress.

🛏️ 6:43AM ⚖️190.4(-1.4) 👣 8,277 🏃‍♂️35m ❤️59

Highlights: Happy birthday Brian! I woke early enough to venture down to the rummage sale. It was packed. I picked up a yogurt machine for Jen, returned, cleaned the kitchen & living room. Went with Jen to a pear harvest gathering at her friend's home in Boulder Creek. Ran into Donna DeGrande there. What a nice surprise!

Insights: Seeing Donna made me conscious of the passage of time and the 12 years of history we shared. I feel regret to have not maintained connection with the team I spent every day with through some of the most challenging days of my life. There's simply not enough time in a day and I have to prioritize what's directly in my face more often than what's behind me.

🛏️ 6:23 AM ⚖️191.8(0) 🧘‍♂️10m 👣 16,265 ❤️61🩸127/74

Mindset: Hesitant.
Goals: Finish the garage work. Tackle some insurance tasks.
Anticipation: Dinner
Gratitudes: Options.

Highlights: Morning walk to Leigh. Meditation. Roasted coffee. Garage cleaning. setting aside donations to drop tomorrow afternoon as well as things to try to sell. Tossed old slides and video tapes (most all have been digitized) and other things no longer needed. Going to continue tomorrow. Jen washed BMW. Marx Brothers "Horse Feathers" @ Stanford (does not hold up as well as I'd hoped) but another resume was submitted along with a cover letter.

🛏️ 6:37 AM ⚖️190(0) 🧘‍♂️14m 👣 11,381 🏃‍♂️19m ❤️62🩸124/71

Highlights: Happy birthday, JS! Jen joined Mark & me for How's Your Coffee. We bought flowers at Safeway (saw Thomas Murphy) for Yoshi and Yoshia and gave them to Yoshia as a thank you for the wine and the years of being good neighbors. I worked further on Checkfront implementation, which was needed to manage a complicated book club setup. Jen and I went to see Hamilton at the Campbell movie theater. It was amazing. Even though I've seen it seven or eight times in person and watched this video more than once, sitting in the theater with a great sound system and a massive screen with Jen was a joy. What an accomplishment that musical is. Amazing, fun, poignant and inspiring. Ended the day with a call from Lauren, which is always wonderful. I love the family we share.

Insights: The day included a call from Tommy sharing the shocking news of Charlie Kirk being shot and killed. It hit all three of us deeply. I was not a fan or a hater of his opinions or agenda. I agreed with some and not with others, as is likely the case with any two people exchanging perspectives. This was not only a senseless and tragic act, but it's a huge step backwards for our country. Nobody should die because they have differing viewpoints. To his credit, the exposure I had to his talks and debates were impassioned and aggressive dialogs, yet not outright aggressive dismissive character attacks like others I have witnessed. We can and should all be able to agree to disagree with civility. How else can we learn and evolve if we can't openly entertain and discuss opinions other than our own? This struck me as a potential turning point in our society, similar to the Columbine shootings. Is this to be the new norm? I fear that our divisive polarization may devolve into a society that fails to recognize our shared humanity, dependency and connections as a species. It's like the line in the movie today: "… I was too young and blind to see... I should've known. The world was wide enough for both Hamilton and me"

⚖️190(0) 👣10,621 🏃‍♂️34m ❤️63 🧘‍♂️21m

Highlights: returned home after a guys weekend. (More on that to come). Gratifying to be warmly welcomed home, to shower and shave, share photos and stories, and to feel blessed with the good fortune of family, friends and yes, a couple of pets.

👣 25,445 ❤️63

Highlights: Scottie's shot in the AM went ok after a false start while navigating the learning curve. Geeks weekend begins. Everything fit well in the car. The drive was quite easy using FSD. Lunch in Copperopolis while charging. Groceries at the nearby Big Trees which it turns out has a supercharger too! Greek takeout for dinner. Fun conversation, some entertaining short videos, a great playlist from Jess. A good start all around. Hoping the bed works for BL as he got the smallest option but we'll swap if not and work out something tomorrow.

👣 10,036 🏃‍♂️17m ❤️61

Our visit to the computer history museum with Matt B was awesome. It's overwhelming to consider how, between the time my Father was born to now, so much has evolved. I imagine that in the next two generations my iPhone, watch, Tesla will likely be antiquated museum pieces. We stopped briefly at my mom's so I could help her with a watch charging concern. Brian and I got the Costco food for the Geeks trip. The steaks were seasoned, sous vide'd and stuck in the freezer before 9pm. Jen had a couple friends over for dinner. I watched "The Imitation Game" (enjoyable although apparently highly dramatized). Helped Jen clean up and called it a night.

⚖️191.4(0) 👣 17,730 🏃‍♂️38m ❤️65🩸126/73 🧘‍♂️15

Mindset: Paralysis by Analysis. I'm struggling with a need to write, yet the most optimal tool is my laptop, for numerous reasons, even though I love the remarkable. Yet the level of effort tied to writing requires significant impulse control and focus. Being on the Swiss army knife that is my Mac complicates things. Yes, even though there are apps for doing so, and 'focus' mode, it's deeper than that. Our social habituation to spinning up five plates on five wobbly sticks is ingrained to the point of likely being instinctual in future generations. But I'm trying it out.

Goals: Complete as much prep and packing as possible today to make getting up and leaving for Arnold tomorrow as leisurely as possible.

Anticipation: CHM with Jen and Matt B.

Gratitudes: A cool morning on the patio and a seemingly declining heat pattern. Fall feels right around the corner. Additionally, the time spent with Jen last night was intensely powerful and genuinely positive. I was literally chuckling with joy over how connected we are and continue to be throughout all of these past years and experiences. The only efforts made are related to learned behavior from prior relationships throughout numerous decades. We have something gratifying, and it's good to get lost in it for a while.

Highlights: My brother's 66th birthday. Hanging no-parking signs for "Taste of Los Gatos". Call with CalBenefits about some options for healthcare coverage. Playing with AI to turn imagery into motion.

Insights: I'm refining my morning routines to better align with the Huberman protocol. Morning: salt water, sunlight, meditation & exercise, followed by a quick cold-immersion shower and breakfast. I'm also striving to close up (most) tech by 7pm. I may return to the remarkable for writing needs.

⚖️191.4(0) 👣 8,325 ❤️60 ☀️💦🧘‍♂️🏃‍♂️

Mindset: Moderate malaise, like nothing is wrong or right, it just is.
Goals: write something of substance this afternoon.
Anticipation: morning volunteer work in LG with Jen.
Gratitudes: This relative sense of calm between storms.

Highlights: Howes Your Coffee. Aggressive garage clean-up effort made a significant dent, about two-thirds of the work. A great start. Posted several items on Craigslist, including some old computer hardware, Tommy's red bull fridge and more.  I accompanied Jen and Scottie to the vet for an adequan shot training. Brian surprised me with a BBQ-themed apron! Coordinated picking up a newer Kindle, but that got rescheduled to another day. Dinner and cards at Matt's. Tommy got the Thule carrier, which needs some cleaning, but is a good option for his winter needs. Planned the upcoming geek outing with the guys online. Finished "The Life of Chuck".

Insights: I started the day feeling a need to observe more. That remains a desire. I sometimes miss connections and the humanity of others when I am busy relating my own experiences to theirs. They are far more unique and independent than any parallels I draw as a construct in my mind, driven by a need to remain at the center. 

⚖️191.4(0)👣 12,626 🏃‍♂️30m ❤️62🩸126/73

Mindset: Reserved. I'm actually up a little earlier than usual. Not that much, maybe 15–20 minutes at best. I'm walking to Mark's for coffee. The sunrises start earlier, and it's always a nice way to begin the day. I need to step back from being a prominent presence and observe. Watch. Listen.
Anticipation: cards at Matt's tonight with Jennifer and something homemade.
Gratitudes: sunrises and friends within walking distance

Found in the Black Hills forest. Hmm.

Highlights: started watching "The Life of Chuck" while in the elliptical. Its in three acts, and I stopped after act one. I'll resume tomorrow. Jen made some amazing food, again, as always. Keto Pita chips and English toffee "fat bombs" FTW!

⚖️191.4(-1.2)👣 6,795 🏃‍♂️33m ❤️59🩸126/73 🧘‍♂️10

Mindset: Relaxed. I slept in a bit, against my intentions to rise early daily. It's Labor Day, right? I paused to reflect on the fact that I am here. "I get to do this, I get to experience another day." It's something I started doing shortly after my trip to Denver a few years back when I began to incorporate gratitude for the simple opportunity to experience life. Pain, joy, anger, sadness… all of it. Because it's all temporary. Of course that doesn't always come to mind first with a strategically placed splinter or the pains I experience associated with my herniated discs. But that too is just part of the experience.
Goals: Tackle some yardwork or garage cleaning while the temperature is still low. It'll hit 92 again today. I'll likely shift then to an aggressive indoor catch-up effort on site administration for Jikoji.
Anticipation: Whatever Jennifer cooks up. (Literally)
Gratitudes: Yesterday's "Daily Stoic" entry: "Earlier we were reminded of Socrates's tolerant belief that "no one does wrong on purpose." The clearest proof of that hypothesis? All the times we did wrong without malice or intention. Remember them? The time you were rude because you hadn't slept in two days. The time you acted on bad information. The time you got carried away, forgot, didn't understand. The list goes on and on. This is why it is so important not to write people off or brand them as enemies. Be as forgiving of them as you are of yourself. Cut them the same slack you would for yourself so that you can continue to work with them and make use of their talents."