Three Sides To Every Story

It's offensive to me to imagine that for 12 years I was seen as a great person by her family, who have since decried my actions and stand in negative judgment of me, based solely on their relationship with her, and with no consideration of my character. As if the quality of individual that I am suddenly changed overnight. Not so. My integrity remain intact. I am the same man that opened my household to her family, gave her brother a job, told her mother she would be welcome in our home in her later years, provided the sole income for our entire marriage, put her through college to earn a masters degree, conceded to a number of extreme compromises trying to fulfill her dreams of a home and family, directed my sister-in-law to get her husband into Stanford when a cancer scare was looming which she said ‘saved his life’, and so very much more.

The decision to separate did not come in an overnight impulse. That step came about after years of contemplation, efforts and attempts to adapt to circumstances that became increasingly unbearable. That step came after making my discomfort and upset at the home environment, the judgment, the worry and anxiety, and the constant sense that nothing I did was right, or enough, known, without success in effecting a change. That step came after more than one incident of looking at the rafters in my garage and wondering if they would hold my bodyweight. THAT is the kind of circumstances that bring about a change of that magnitude.

I’ve seldom gone a night without talking to my kids and see them 3-4 times a week, including at least once every weekend. For the fist 3 years I gave her 80% of my income in order to keep them in the house while she failed to find work. Even through paralysis, hospitalization and rehabilitation. I made keeping my position and providing for them a priority. I lived for 1.5 years in a friends spare room in order to save up enough to get an apartment near them, and them moved into a shared home in order to have the space necessary to give them a sense of home away from home. I’ve conceded on property settlement including willingly offering full ownership of the house. I’ve conceded to the kids staying with her much more than me for her benefit, not mine or theirs. I spent $25k in mediation and lawyers for 2 years until it became clear to me that the only end to this would come through the courts, because she was not working to the same goal of mutual agreement.

My integrity, my intentions, and my honor go unchallenged. Yet It appears that some people have chosen to discard their first hand experiences with me and position me as the bad guy, and the wrong do-er, instead of considering that, knowing me and who they know me to be, there’s clearly much more to this then just how she’s positioned it to them.

SO, If you choose to judge me, when you don't know the whole story… fuck you, and shame on you.

"There's three sides to every story, baby, there's yours and there’s mine and the cold hard truth.” - Don Henley