Heavily focused work day. Kids ended up coming over. Tommy's still seeming to not understand the severity of the need to be careful about avoiding others until things improve but I think my concerns are reinforcing it. Worked into PM w/subset of team prep'ing for Colo move efforts. Keeping his brief, tired and need to disconnect. Too much time in tech.

Gratitude: Great team I work with.

Goal: Ride out the turbulence of the colo move tomorrow.

Anticipation: Things working out better than expected! (?)

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting

Heavily focused work day. Kids ended up coming over. Tommy's still seeming to not understand the severity of the need to be careful about avoiding others until things improve but I think my concerns are reinforcing it. Worked into PM w/subset of team prep'ing for Colo move efforts. Keeping his brief, tired and need to disconnect. Too much time in tech.

Gratitude: Great team I work with.

Goal: Ride out the turbulence of the colo move tomorrow.

Anticipation: Things working out better than expected! (?)

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting

Long work day, lots to juggle. Big issue of the day came in the afternoon with more problems in colo move at work and more reports of Tommy neglecting the covid19 social distancing mandate. I can't risk the financial impacts of sickness or death for their well being, nor can I risk passing an infection to my mom. I started pressing for 14d full isolation and that they stay with their mom but she then insisted he wasn't breaking the mandate after all, that she has just the same rights to be safe as me, that I imply she's not as worthy of staying healthy, and that my mom's health isn't a factor after I told her I deliver food to my mom. WTF? I can't make sense of any of this beyond how fucked it all is. I'm pissed.

Gratitude: Health, so far.

Goal: Stay Healthy.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness

Woke up w/the mindset of not zoning out, but staying focused for the day on some 'to do' tasks, not sitting about as I did yesterday, but keeping on my feet and moving about. I'd no idea at the time about what I'd be doing but having been pretty sedentary the day prior, I wanted to get something done. Managed to see it through. Got my AirPods on, continued listening to "Reckless" and tackled the storage space. Got junk cleared, consolidated, organized and cleared out the patio too. Even managed some laundry. Stayed on point throughout the day until around 6pm when I'd reached a stopping point. Jen made some amazing food for the week and we watched "The Gentlemen" and totally enjoyed it.

Gratitude: Applying learning about being present, such as working with focus, or setting aside multitasking in order to fully immerse myself in a movie, is so rewarding.

Goal: Potential big-day tomorrow w/the site traffic moving to the SJC1 implementation. Hoping it goes smoothly.

Anticipation: Hoping to watch "Kinves Out" tomorrow.

Watched "The Gentlemen" , Read/Listened to "Reckless" (Chrissy Hynde Bio)

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Dropped kids after a lazy slow start, nothing notable, as was the day. Rainy, simple, couch-bound. Did little of anything and loved all the things I didn't do. Needed a break, got it, will press for an extension in the morning. Dog was great, very low key, kept calm with limited movement. Reached out to an old friend after a podcast resurfaced some gratitude for a path they set me on many years back. I relish letting people know they've made a positive difference, that's so important. 

Gratitude: What meditation has done for my routines

Anticipation: more rainy day lingering tomorrow.

Watched Cosmos, last of "Tiger King", and Curb S10 Finale.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness

10% Happier

This podcast episode is likely the most spot-on and perfectly stated explanation of exactly what I've found beneficial by meditating routinely. I'm far more aware of my actions, impacts, influence and most importantly, the simple value and gift of life, and the routine moments we typically take for granted. The guest, Dan Harris, wrote a a book recommended to me by Liz Du when I was recovering from Guillame Barre. It helped lead me down a path that's gradually accelerated ever since, and in many ways, has made my life 10% happier at a minimum. I can't recommend listening to this enough.

Another long day. Sometimes it all just whirls together and I can't sort anything out to remember. Lots of work stuff going on, and continuing into the weekend. Kids were great and yet I'm spread thin on work days so I don't get much quality time with them. They're gone Sat/Sun/Mon, back Tues AM. One highlight of the day was a 'dong dong dash' drop off of wine and a Godfather's Burger Lounge gift card to our friends Marya/Rosendo. I thought we should double down on the 'support favorite small businesses' idea, and do so by getting friends gift-cards for take out as a way to share some sense of connection during these social distance times. Paying it forward. Scottie's been walking better but also had more time 'out of the crate' and is still getting his footing back. It's heartbreaking to see the stumbles but heart warming to see the progress and there's still good progress ahead.

Gratitude: Being able to do things to show friends they're important to us.

Goal: Aggressive constraint of Scottie Sat/Sun - really minimize movement for a bit while kids are gone, to help him heal.

Anticipation: 

Watched: The Tiger King

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

One of the philosophies I try to infuse into my kids, friends, and somewhat less successfully, myself, is that hard times come and go. It's not always easy to keep that in mind, especially when sleep deprived, stressed about work, laying off people, global pandemics, keeping kids focused on remote school and picking up after themselves, and having your beloved pet suddenly unable to walk without falling over. It's been a really shitty and draining week. But I slept well last night, finally. Scottie was crated and in the early hours of the morning as he whimpered to be with us on the bed, it occurred to me that I could attach his harness and leash, lock the leash and wedge it into the space between the mattress and headboard so hat that there was no risk whatsoever of him jumping off but room for him to move a bit, and it worked wonderfully. I'd walked him around the block last night with Lauren thinking it would be good for him to do so as physical therapy and learning to walk again as I'd had to do. Then I read stuff afterwards that indicated that the best thing was 24x7 crating except food and bio breaks, making me worry I'd potentially done damage to the poor dog. We did manage to keep him crated most of the day except for time on the couch next to me and 'feathered', and time eating and going out front to pee. I'm thrilled to capture here that he's already seeming much much better. If I considered his worst moments as "0" and his usual abilities as "100"… I'd say he is easily exhibiting at least 60% improvement. It's very encouraging. We'll keep following the strict regime and there'll be no more couch or bed jumping again for sure, but he's doing much better and I hope it continues. I spent the day juggling demanding work situations as always, and felt compelled to press the team to 'lean forward, hold hands and fall together into the pool of the colo effort under way, vs continually punting it down the road and delaying the inevitable. Linda and I came to an agreement to switch to a 3/3 rotation as we ride out the 'shelter in place' mandates and their online schooling. It's hard being 4 days apart and hard in reverse in some ways too, for all, so this seems like a reasonable compromise. I need a shower and a shave, it's been a few days. For both. :-/.

Gratitude: Jennifer's patience. As I have gotten testy she's managed to stay calm and yet not just take it, but point it out and help me chill out. We work so well together.

Goal: Focus on real connections w/the kids tomorrow - wrap up work, have a meal together, maybe watch a movie, really get some quality times, before they're back at Pano at 10am Sat.

Anticipation: Possible Dish Hike tomorrow or Monday w/Eric G.

Watched "The King of Lions" on Netflix. Listened to The Happiness Project episode w/Dan Harris

Accomplishments: Meditation Parenting Cleanup

Last night was awful. We crated scottie in order to keep him from hurting himself after deciding to not continue meds. He had to get up and out twice to poop, and it was heartbreaking to see him unable to walk straight. I did more research, convinced myself that the behavior was due to the medications, and setup an appointment to take him to see Eric at Acacia. Eric concluded that he has injured his neck or spine and that's causing problems with his ability to control his movement. He also backed up the other vet's findings/conclusions and said the meds were not at fault. Whatever he did Monday night caused the 1st incident of whining and discomfort and his activity the following day while on pain meds likely just made it worse. I still don't understand it fully. I feel responsible in many ways but it's all hindsight at this point. We have to keep him highly contained and restrained for 1-3 month range so he has time to heal and recover and hopefully return to a reasonable amount of functionality. He won't be jumping on or off couches or beds and we have to keep him from doing so. It's all been terribly upsetting yet I'm trying to keep focused on how lucky we are that he's alive, will hopefully recover, and that we have the means to managed this right now. Timing could be much better but could be much much worse too. Perspective matters. Mara dropped dead in a day without warning and I'd much rather deal with this. Jen and I are both exhausted but also glad that at least we're both working from home for the time being so we have ways to manage this easier than just a full day in a crate for him. Lauren's been trying her best to give him attention and help us which is great. Tommy got his iPhone 11 and is thrilled, as am I for him.

Gratitude: See above.

Goal: sleep, hopefully. It's needed.

Anticipation: catching up on work tasks tomorrow.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting

Monday 8PM: Scottie started acting weird. Moaning, stuttering, pacing, hiding. Did so all night.

Tuesday 7AM: Assuming he swallowed something, took him to United Emergency in Campbell.

.... blood work good, X-ray shows not swallowed. They gave him some medications and sent us home with Gabapentin.

Tuesday 9.30AM: Jennifer gave him Gabapentin. He was fine, active, agile, ate well and then slept from ~2.30PM ~5.30PM.

Tuesday 6PM: He suddenly could not walk, stand, stay balanced. Never exhibited this prior in any way at all.

Tuesday 6:30PM: Returned to United Emergency. Different doctor started talking about his knees but could not explain/respond to questions about this never being an issue throughout this whole time period. Suggested smaller dose and added a 2nd drug.



His symptoms Mon PM were discomfort and moaning, nothing related to stability, balance, even after ER visit and throughout the day until 6PM.

I have not given him any more medications since the Tuesday 9.30AM Gabapentin. I don't understand how this wasn't the issue going in but comes on after the fact.



We have not given him further medication. We have him crated for safety. He's still unable to walk as of Wed 5am.



Scheduling an appointment to get a 2nd opinion from Acadia.

Nightmare morning. Dog. Last night. I came home to 'odd behavior' and he was up and moaning and miserable all night. Only thing that made sense was he went off and ate/swallowed something again. I didn't sleep, stayed up worrying, which manifested itself into assuming he was not gonna survive. I hate this because I'm clueless and don't know a thing so what do we have to do…? Take him to emergency and drop $800 were don't have on tests and X-rays. Long story too late to make short he was ok, maybe it was physical injury, then later he started being unable to walk so returned to vet. Drugs mess him up. The stress continues as we monitor overnight. Ended the day w/kids and then a Virtual GNO ("VGNO"?) which was great. Might be the new normal there, for awhile, too. Gonna go check on dog and wrap this up.

Gratitude: Friendships

Goal: Stabilize Scottie

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting

Busy work day managing the difficult task associated with disabling corporate access for team mates being terminated. Having Eric cut was like having Nevin cut. It really sucks. Such good people and in these times with such uncertainty, what an unpleasant situation. It's taken it's toll on my as far as the people making the decisions and how we keep ending up here. Covid or not this was coming prior. Anyway, long stressful day. Made a run to Costco in the PM and was quite pleased with the results,. Dropped a slew of stuff off to my mom as well. Jen made a Ruben stew with corned beef, potatoes, carrots, sauerkraut.. excellent stuff. Loaded it up in freezer. Well stocked ATM for kids returning tomorrow PM for what I expect to be 4 days given Linda didn't reply to my proposal we make it 3. Cranked up some Alan Parsons Symphonic Project and "Eve" for PM cleanup.

Gratitude: the better nature of people. There's lots of asshats out there, but there's good people too. It's just hard sometimes to tolerate the asshats.

Anticipation: Virtual GNO punted to Tues. Hoping it comes together.

Listened to Alan Parsons Project

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Cleanup

AJ and Brooke getting a stuffed animal off neighbor's roof

Another slow-paced day. A quick run to GOBM to get a few items, but as I would expect on a weekend, it was pretty cleared out. Considering a Costco run tomorrow. Otherwise lingered about for a bit, got some work tasks managed, cleaned, laundered/folded, and not a lot more. Relaxing. Torrential downpour slammed the house for all of 15min, and 1hr later is was stunning outside. Enjoyed a great steak/salad meal. Ended the evening watching the BBC “Pandemic” documentary from about 2 years ago and it was absolutely incredible. It game me a new insight and perspective on the issues we’re currently facing and the severity of the measures being taken. It’s sad that it’s been something so anticipated and documented, yet as a general population we remain as uneducated as I feel which, from what I’ve seen, is not uncommon. Lots of things could have been done to plan and prepare for this scenario but were not, people could/should have been proactively educated and ready to more gracefully transition practices and routines, but we were not. Hopefully this time around might leave a stronger impression of the need to get it right next time. I’m still optimist that it might be less impactful with the efforts underway but I’m far more appreciative of them than I have been.

Anticipation: A difficult work day in the am, and hopefully some good geek bonding in the pm w/a virtual GNO.

Watched “BBC Four Pandemic" , Read/Listened to “Cosmos Possible Worlds” and “Reckless"

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting

Common Sense is an oxymoron

Dropped Tommy at 10, returned, and finally got to do something I've been waiting all week to do. Nothing. Spent the day doing pretty much... nothing. Some piddly shit here and there but overall, just farted around. Need it. Immersed myself in some music videos and Cosmos shows and just piddled about. Something about music is so restorative. I love the creativity, skill and art of something well composed. It takes talent to bring together the right instruments and execution to bring a song in your head to life.

Gratitude: A chance to catch my breath.

Goal: Balance some work, some downtime, some dog time and some jen time tomorrow.

Watched "Isle of View", "Alan Parsons Symphony Project, Cosmos Possible Worlds, Read , Listened to .

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

In order to have people wash their hands for 20 seconds, do they really need to be given a song to sing (ie, "happy birthday", which, like any other option, can be sung too fast or two slow...) instead of being smart enough to know how to count to 20 to begin with?



It bothers me to no end that a population that can drive and vote also make decisions based on 2000 year old stories, alarmist headlines without critical thinking, that they consider toilet paper a necessity to survival, and need a song to help them count to 20.



True fact: The chorus for REM's "It's the of the world as we know it" runs exactly 20 seconds. Coincidence? I checked, it's true. With and without the tinfoil hat.

Crazy non-stop work day, barricaded in patio for about 6hrs straight until I finally reached a breaking point. And I took a break at that point. Kids had been doing their own things. Jumped in the car, went to Twin Beach, Betty Burgers, and The Forest of Nisene Marks State Park. Felt so good to get out, drive, listen to music, walk the beach, get a burger and a shake, explore the forest. Really needed that. Dropped Lauren at Pano while Tommy stayed in order to work on video editing. Will drop him in the am. Low key PM. Drained by the long week.
Gratitude: Scottie seems to be back to his old self.
Goal: Get some 1:1 time this wekeend
Anticipation: Working on some game plan/2020 strategies w/Jen given the current covid19 climate/situation.
Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Early rise due to just naturally waking led to whipping out a batch of 'hash' based on the fries from Happy Hound last night. Tossed in bacon, sausage, cheese, eggs, and it was awesome. Dog finally pooped mid-day, and again in the evening, putting an end to the stressing about the whole 'pine cone' incident. When I woke up I had the whole 'cost reduction' situation playing out in my head and I wrote a follow up response to MM, RP and DdG restating the basis for my stance, in a conciliatory fashion, making clear that when it's been needed I've not hesitated but this is not the time. And when the meeting rolled around it was acknowledged that I'd made my case, even though it came up again at the end from RP, challenging the 'bleeding out' perspective, which I responded to with the same details sent in my email and with the backup of others. I do want to improve, still, how I respond, talking slower and taking time to think through responses, but I'll keep working on that. At this point I feel i'm probably OK but historically, i've been privy to other exec's involved in these dialogs who ended up being blindsided in the end, so we'll see how it all plays out. Lauren/I ran Scottie to Meridian park but he retreated to the car when off leash. Went to Almaden Lake and he continued to return to the car. Swapped him for Tommy, walked about Oak Meadow with some pushback from Linda once she learned of it, along with issues about him being out, there's contention over the idea that he could walk or run to get fresh air but can't be on the boosted board. Regret getting involved at all, big mistake. Ended the evening setting aside the computer, putting on earpods, listening to the great courses again (infection in the media) and picking up the house. I love my kids but 4 people in this tiny house for 4 days is overwhelming.


Gratitude: The likelihood that i'll be spared, for the time being, from losing my position.


Goal: Get a full day in with time to get out w/kids before dropping at pano. considering a drive to SC and back just for the hell of it.


Anticipation: Weekend, a much needed respite.


Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Slept well, thankfully, as did the dog, thankfully, which is a routine factor in nightly interruptions. Perhaps it was the "white noise" ambient sounds that contributed to a sustained slumber. For both the dog and myself. Got up, meditated, showered and dressed in an effort to maintain a healthy mindset while working from home and living under 'shelter in place' mandate. Work went well, I managed to stay focused and executed a nbr of critical needs that will potentially result in much needed revenue gains. But the day was interrupted and set on 'spin cycle' mid-day after the still-off-balance dog pooped a modest amount of dark tar-like paste. Although reassured by his relatively upbeat walking demeanor and no indications of pain, that specific situation is indicative of internal bleeding being digested and pooped out. We called a nbr of vets and ended up talking to one that recommended monitoring, probiotics and a stomach soothing agent. Two walks later, no more poop, some appetite but not much… damned thing's walking the fence on behavioral indicators. Also, the day ended with some further work-related and economic-concern-related discussions that I'm not comfortable writing about here. Suffice to say I'm not feeling too optimistic about the horizon. But I'm trying to stay positive about the eventuality that nothing lasts forever, not the dog, not my job, not me. So, we'll just see what the results of this situation brings.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Nuclear Polyhedrosis Virus Warfare

The writing is on the wall that my employers' days are definitely numbered, in mid-range double-digits. I give them ~60 days before they’re out of business. The hole they dug themselves into has been an issue for months, and the recent "panicdemic" under way is causing them to go nuclear on layoffs in advance of a possible recession. I’m being directed to do what I have referred to as “cutting so deep, we will bleed out”. I expect to be laid off next week, because I’m refusing to lay off anybody else in my team (we already cut the overseas team), knowing that it is not a sustainable scenario. The results will pretty much turn my life completely upside down, but I am hoping to focus on any ‘upsides’ that comes from that, and finding happiness in a lower paying and less stressful job I can rely on for the final quarter of this game called my life.

Update: I'm still employed while others including a really valued colleague are gone. This sucks. I'm torn between bitterness and gratitude that I'm still employed. For now. I'll take it day by day while holding onto the anticipation of an eventual life-chancing scenario.

Pretty dramatic day. Last night just after posting that day's update, the dog threw up everywhere. Jen found something therein, we washed it and found what took me some time to identify. It was quite a brain twister, but once I did, I read up on things and we agreed we'd hope that was 'all there was' and watch him. He's been off a bit but overall seems ok. Thankfully. Still keeping an eye but once we have see some standard crap come out we'll know all is well. Meanwhile, we're in lockdown, kids are a bit antsy but riding it out, as are we too. I managed to get a dog walk or two in and even went to GOBM and scored some essentials for myself and my mom, without hoarding, and without the lame ass panic driving chaotic crowds of yesterday. Work was grueling and I had to spend a great deal of my time taking to my team about the insart changes as well as manage the realities we face and challenges ahead. There's optimism and pessimism and I'm on the fence hourly going back and forth between the two. Drafted a really great summary to my mgmt about my recommendations, and that's taken until now, almost 10.30pm. Lots of other tasks are backing up so tomorrow w/be a challenge too.

Gratitude: Being able to discuss options w/Jen and thinking out loud without being judged.

Goal: Nail the remaining work tasks that are backed up during tomorrow's day.

Anticipation: Getting out if it's sunny for dog walk and frisbee

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting

Gimme Shelter

If Mary Poppins sang about the COVID-19 situation we're facing as a nation, the song would likely be titled "Panichaostupidiocity". I have already acknowledge, respectfully, that taking drastic measures now, and quickly, including the announcement today of a 3wk "shelter in place" order across the Bay Area counties, is likely a wise and proactive safeguard. I get it. Slam on the breaks. Nip it in the bud. But when I took a break this afternoon to just run to the local grocery store in order to just get a carton or two of eggs, I witnessed the crowds and insanity due to this mandate from the county, and it left me stupefied. "Stupified", btw, would be the ideal title for the sequel to "Idiocracy".



I believe, in hindsight, this is going to end up being one massive self-inflicted wound as far as the level of economic disruption people's unwarranted panic introduce into an already difficult situation.



The orders specifically state that you have the freedom to leave the house to attend to things like walking your dog, hiking, getting fresh air and physical activity, attending to "essential businesses" and getting gas and groceries. It appears that nobody who was scrambling for those last 2 cartons of partially cracked eggs even read the order, but they likely just skimmed a headline or they were alerted by an "end of the world" social media post, and promptly followed the other lemmings right off the cliff.




My company is definitely going to feel the impacts and we're doing all we can to calmly manage the business as proactively as possible. Only, if people didn't freak out so broadly, sell all their stocks, run to Costco to buy a years worth of toilet paper and water, as if water was suddenly going to be poisoned or toxic, and if people didn't loose their shit and assume this is on par with an impending nuclear strike, all this economic chaos could have been avoided. Or at least dramatically lessened.




Why don't people understand that the manufacturing of paper goods, the production of food, the deliveries to grocery stores and the availability of all of these items is not coming to a sudden stop?



I feel really bad for the workers and business that are going to be drastically impacted. People who work in retail shopping centers, theaters, sporting complexes, bars and the like are going to be in a world of hurt as it is, and that's where we should be putting our focus and not on clearing every bag of rice off the shelves of every grocery store within a 5 mile span of our homes.



All of what people have been scrambling to hoard will be restocked in a day or two, maximum. And the few of us that actually read the orders and actually understand that we are allowed to go buy groceries without being shot, and that grocery stores have been deemed 'essential business' which will be staffed and open, well, we will have ample parking options and first pick of the freshest goods.




To close this post, I thought I would share a really funny corona virus joke with you, but then I realized there's a very high probably you'll not get it.

Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'

Our very street today

Burns like a red coal carpet

Mad bull lost its way

- Rolling Stones, Gimme Shelter

Another day, another thrash of juggling multiple needs across the board of life. It amazes me how many 'transitional and transactional' moments there are in a given 12-14 period, and how little we pay attention to how much goes on. Scottie work me at 4.45am doing the typical 'gotta get out' sort of things (nudging, leading and looking back). Went to front yard and he went to gate but returned to patio. Sat there for several minutes as he sniffed and his ears were on high alert. I started to wonder if he'd smelled a coyote since there's been sightings, or if there were squirrels, or even (5am thinking here) he's felt an earthquake or was sensing one coming on, or even if he'd somehow picked up on the last dying gasp of the elderly lady across the street and we'd not know about it until the next day, or two, or three. I gave up on him going to the bathroom but he persisted and I took him to the back instead, where, in a matter of moments, he did. Business addressed we returned to sleep. Then my day started with a call terminating the outsourced development we have at work, as a necessary business decision related to economic impacts of the COVID-19 drama. Followed by a staff meeting with more discussions of the forcasts and business concerns, with debates and pushback, all while a couple of colleagues in the team had some lame-ass spat that made me feel ike the kids were fighting in the back of the car while I was trying to deal with a cliff approaching on the immediate horizon. Took a break to make a quick run to get some eggs and found myself faced with the insanity of crowd panic so I left. Later in the day I had to engage in some back/forth negations to nail down a modified custody schedule, so they kids are with us 4 days, then her, then us, starting tonight. Once they got dropped off, I told them we're going to RWC so I could pickup the raised desk/work surface from the office so Jen could setup a temp workstation at home while we ride out the next few weeks. I managed to address a few other lingering tasks before starting writing this and a separate post. It's 10am, and all this happened in one day. The more I journal, the more I appreciate the little things that happen and are worth noting.
Gratitude: Enough life experience to not fall prey to panic and recognize it for what it is.
Goal: Fight for what's right regarding my team throughout this.
Anticipation: 4 days with the kids in close quarters.
Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Tommy'd stayed last night, Lauren dropped off and Jen took the left over potatoes from last night and whipped up an awesome breakfast. I had a hard night, gerd and stomach issues. The meal did a number on me. It's embarrassing to admit but i'm whining about it daily while doing nothing to address it. Weight is the core problem. It has to come down. Met Martin at Philz, it'd been 6+ months or so, and it was great to reconnect. Tommy got dropped at Pano to go hang with friends and work on vids. Lauren/Jen played Rummikub, I got work tasks done but not the time critical task I needed done for a personal meeitng tomorrow so I'll likely nudge that meeting out. Oh, took Lauren and Scottie to run off leash when rain had subsided. Met Matt B w/kids at "A Taste of China" for chinese food. Really wanting to support small business. Returned to Matson, played more Rummikub, had a great time, and hoping to establish and maintain a routine going forward.

Gratitude: Consiously valuing the present moments and how the past led me to it.

Goal:Keep my head on straight during the weeks ahead.

Anticipation: Tomorrow am call, some business changes on the horizon.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting

Woke early, we went to Crema, got coffee, walked about w/the dog, split some food, returned home. Tackled a few too-do's. Washed the dog, trimmed some matted hair, Jen prep'd foods and we had a great dinner with Jon and Cheryl. Tommy came over. Keeping this short, as I'm tired and ready to sleep.

Gratitude: Friends, family, kids, insight, hope, love.

Goal: Get some work and personal time-critical needs managed tomorrow.

Anticipation: Rainy day.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness

No kids today. Busy work day included visit a possible suite for South Bay use for Care2 and lunch with Marlin at Sweet Pea Cafe. Good burger… B+. Schools closing for a month, county banning crowd gatherings including restaurants, this all feels like chaos but I'll write about that elsewhere. Making the best of things including trying to stay aware of the facts, not fictions, and recognizing that even if there's issues to work through in the next few months, I'm in a good place with a good person and good options. We'll all be fine. Took Scottie for a supervised 'free run' again and man oh man does that dog LOVE running. So glad to be giving him some exercise after too much sedentary time.

Gratitude: Having a sense of hope and optimism.

Goal: Lots of work to catch up on tomorrow.

Anticipation: Dinner w/Fuellemans and rain for days!

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness

Chaos Going Viral

The stats I've heard from seemingly reputable sources imply that ~80% of population that might get this will simply "ride it out" like the flu experience we've all, uh, experienced, and recover just fine. The other 20% are the unlucky ones that may struggle getting through this, needing medical interventions, the level of which could be moderate to severe based on the individual's various specific instance, health, age, etc.



IMHO there's a dramatic and likely unwarranted degree of panic going on, but I fear expressing that opinion openly because when I do, I'm met with a backlash of disbelief, implications of my ignorance and I get headline-stats thrown at me without validation or vetting that I am somehow supposed to rebuke on the spot. I have already had more than enough people throw 'facts' out (pets can get and transmit being just one example) that I have easily found WHO-based statements (World Health Org, not Pete 'n Roger) saying otherwise. But, everybody believes their opinion is truth, inherently, and defend it as a reflex. Myself included. (Sidebar: good article by Michael Shermer)



I consider this all to be one more sign that Idiocracy was a documentary and that our nation has lost it's fucking mind (right behind Trump not only being in office but likely to remain another term). Panicking yourself over the possible economic panic of others only brings about the economic collapse you're worried about. It's completely self-inflicted.



It's definitely happening, though. And I don't consider most of it necessary or productive. Schools closing, bans on large crowds, panic shopping.. it's out of control. Yes, I do want to protect my 81yr old mom's health, since she's at high risk. Thus, I have told her I will shop for her as her needs arise. She'll give me a list, a bit of notice, and I'll buy it and take it to her. It'll keep her out of the insanity, including keeping her away from all those who are panic-shopping to prepare for a possible virus spread. They are, themselves, willingly and consciously entering massive enclosed building filled with possible carriers. The virus that might eventually infect them may be contracted while scrambling amongst dozens of others grabbing toilet paper packages off of Costco pallets. Well played.



I'm hoping that the 'full blown aggressive' move this is proving to be makes short work of things, and that the world calls the hell down and returns to a somewhat normal in a few weeks. Perhaps slamming the brakes will be more effective than coming to a gradual stop. And when we get back to our lives, it might be with a bit more sanitary sanity.



Alternatively, I also have to wonder if nature decided it wants to wipe out a percentage of the dysfunctional and destructive population on this massively overcrowded organism called "earth"…., should we be intervening? Who made us … "God"? Maybe the herd needs thinning. Nobody wants to die, everybody will, we just seem to feel entitled to delay it against the natural order of things. Perhaps that's not the right move. Food for thought.

Shake It Off

I'm not a fan of shaking hands. I've mentioned that before. I'm secretly hoping that maybe, finally, that senseless, ingrained reflex legacy social custom will end.

Well We Got No Class

I received this text during lunch today, and in less than 60 seconds, my phone rang. It was my daughter. Her response to "no school for 1 month" elicited the same type of effusive and elated joy I would expect from a passenger who's plane just safely landed after having an engine failure.

 

Scottie slept the entire night w/Lauren which gave me a much needed full night sleep without distraction. MUCH needed. Got Tommy to school, then Lauren, walked dog, had meetings, worked through the day. Nothing noteworthy beyond more standing time vs sitting. Mid-afternoon drama du our : Tommy came to get his board w/his mom's permission, with his mom, but they had battles en route so there was some tension/conflict and she left him, then returned, then left once I pressed she should give him space, then he got her to come back and get him…. documented elsewhere but just more tension that could have been avoided. Something's gotta give. Took Scottie to Meridian park, wide open space, let run free and he was thrilled and had a blast. No issues. Nice evening w/steak and wine. Good 1:1 time after busy last few days.

Gratitude: Daily Calm on "Boredom". Hit the nail on the head. Love feeling validated about how we are always adding distractions to avoid silence, as if that's a bad thing.

Goal: Reading MORE.

Anticipation: 

Watched "Dolomite is my name" - enjoyed it. Read/Listened to more "The Skeptic's Guide to Health, Medicine, and the Media" (bought the audible audio version)

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Wine aeration in a blender? It works!

Scottie slept the entire night w/Lauren which gave me a much needed full night sleep without distraction. MUCH needed. Got Tommy to school, then Lauren, walked dog, had meetings, worked through the day. Nothing noteworthy beyond more standing time vs sitting. Mid-afternoon drama du our : Tommy came to get his board w/his mom's permission, with his mom, but they had battles en route so there was some tension/conflict and she left him, then returned, then left once I pressed she should give him space, then he got her to come back and get him…. documented elsewhere but just more tension that could have been avoided. Something's gotta give. Took Scottie to Meridian park, wide open space, let run free and he was thrilled and had a blast. No issues. Nice evening w/steak and wine. Good 1:1 time after busy last few days.

Gratitude: Daily Calm on "Boredom". Hit the nail on the head. Love feeling validated about how we are always adding distractions to avoid silence, as if that's a bad thing.

Goal: Reading MORE.

Anticipation: 

Watched "Dolomite is my name" - enjoyed it. Read/Listened to more "The Skeptic's Guide to Health, Medicine, and the Media" (bought the audible audio version)

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Wine aeration in a blender? It works!

Every day can feel so routine, yet when reflected on in hindsight, there's always so much going on. Getting up and taking the kids to school is routine but I'll miss it, most certainly, in time. I slept like shit last night but I still managed to make it work. Walked the dog, engaged in meeting and even made a run to AAA to talk DMV stuff re Jen's possible car purchase. All would be relatively mundane tasks, if done on autopilot. Punted on the car due to the various complexities to make it happen. Good learning experience all the same. Had a great afternoon work session really getting some things started and finished, just not all the same tasks. Got Tommy early, low key PM, Lauren/Viktorjia at Library until 8, and got house picked up once we returned before a few more rounds of "Rummikub". I've been sliding a bit on reading 'cause I'm getting consumed with 'tasks' and distractions. I need to return to tech being a tool not an extension.


Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Writing daily really has been worth it, even though, at times like right now, it's an effort. I wonder sometimes if it's not taking me off path for more focused writing I want to do. In any event, last night was weird. Didn't sleep well, dog seemed off too, and at one one the whole house and neighbor noise was as still as being on mute. It was freaky. Lingered a bit in bed but still got up and got going on the day. It was a weird day – hard to get one thing done as multiples cropped up. Nice to have Jen at home though. Ran to GOBM at lunch. Walked dog together. Tommy got here early and Lauren was dropped at 6. We went to In/Out and met seller of an X3. It's in pristine condition and really nice. Jen left wanting it but the seller wants cash only and we'd anticipate she'd get a loan through credit union which will pay direct not cash, and seller's got signed title but it's not his car, it's his sisters, who's in India… all probably legit but it's a constraint and disconcerting. I fear we'll have to pass which sucks. I hate paying 'retail' for a car, ever, and especially over $20k. BUT it's her car, her purchase, not mine, and letting go of what I consider to be rational/reasonable is hard at times. Really hard.

Gratitude: The fact that the kids are with us tonight/tomorrow.

Goal: limit distractions and focus on execution.

Watched a couple "Skeptics Guide to Medicine, Health and Media" on Kanopy. Excellent.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting

Let Tommy skip zero period due to DST time change. Dropped him, returned, walked scottie and got into work mode. I was gonna head into RWC but others indicated WFH and I joined. Jen came home 'cause Intel is promoting WFH too due to Cornonvirus concerns. Low key day, went to Carmax Fremont to look further into car options. Really enjoying doing this w/her, it's fun learning all the various pros and cons as she narrows down her decision.
Goal: work through long task list for Care2 tomorrow.
Watched McMillions.
Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Cleanup

Nice morning, slept in later then expected only to eventually realized Daylight Savings trigger. Such a lame practice. Knew it was coming but forgot. Drama at Pano 'cause Tommy brought his board without my knowing with set off a flurry of conflict. I did what I could to maintain a non-reactive stance and after trying to get Tommy to agree to my keeping it until they worked it out, I had to run him to his job with Vinnie stuffing envelopes. That too initiated more conflict. I have issues w/their putting him on a W9 and setting him up for tax impacts.. Not ethical IMO. Dropped Lauren and worked on house stuff, headboard/powerstrip update, and some shared doc updates too. Tommy ended up being given permission to come over which I OK'd, of course. He brought the boosted board. He ended up going to Aqui w/his mom and Lauren, much to my pleasure. He returned, though, which I'd prefer he'd not so he'd work out stuff w/his mom, but at least it wasn't further drama.

Gratitude: Having a job.

Goal: Keeping the job.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Made a nice breakfast for the kids and us. Played Rummikub then went to KPCU Car sale. I really despise car sales and the experience with a passion. Jen's looking to replace her car and I'm trying my best to give her a wide berth and not try and control the process or her choices because it does boil down to her decision. We then went to CarMax, and she found a couple of models of interest but we needed to go to Fremont to drive them both. We did but had to return for scheduled stop at my mom's.. We got Aqui en route, Ryan and Lindsey showed up so that was fun. Left with some items she had for me and a bankers box with documents related to both their divorce and his death and the subsequent legal aspects. Stirred up some memories to briefly glance at the content. May dive deeper into it and unravel some things along the way. Gives me pause to consider my own experiences and how everybody experiences the same things differently. Dropped Lauren at final night of the play, went to carmax again for one more test drive. I think Jen's narrowing down the "must have" aspects which is good. Picked up Lauren, played a few more rounds of Rummikub.

Gratitude: Working with Jen is so easy even when I'm trying to control things I should not. She's so open to input.

Goal: Work tomorrow on consolidating all of the 'shared knowledge' stuff we need to have centralized.

Anticipation: Some quiet time.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting

Good walk w/Lauren after dropping Tommy…. had enough time to do a mountain drive too. Work was fine, Tommy showed up late afternoon after a fight w/his mom. Walking a fine line with this but he needs to feel 'heard' as he works through his issues and how he interacts with his mom. It's clearly a struggle for him. Went to see the Leigh HS play w/Jen while Tommy and Carl hung out at Matson. 

Gratitude: Reaching a point of no longer caring about somebody that doesn't care about me.

Goal: See my mom w/kids tomorrow.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Parenting

Meditation and stretching are now my am routines, followed by dog-walking. That makes a huge difference if I get those done BEFORE reading emails or engaging in anything work or personal related. How that'll work w/kids w/be the test for tomorrow. Hopefully I'll manage to make it work. Still feeling off balance in some significant ways, in a rut as it were, and anticipating changes outside of my control. Just don't know specifically what or when. I think more time out of the house would be a good step so I'm gonna try that tomorrow. Tommy needed shoes and pushback by his mom to contribute was the final straw. She's not doing what she should be doing as a responsible party in this situation while doing things like ear piercings or dinners out instead. I'm going to take some steps to address this. Paid for Tommy's shoes because he needs them, regardless, tracking it all, though. Rummikub game ends the day.

Gratitude: Scottie chewing on toy he'd otherwise abandoned indicates positive teeth healing.

Goal: Office visit and working out of the house.

Anticipation: Play tomorrow PM

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Still feeling grumpy. Focused on work, and enjoyed, greatly, going to JC Superstar singalong screening w/Jen at which both Ted Neeley and Evyone Elleman were at. Great time, such welcoming people and a fun crowd. Definitely a unique event and as close to Jesus as I'll ever get. :-D


Gratitude: Community


Goal: More movement tomorrow


Anticipation: Evening at home w/kids


Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness

Tommy got up and out in time and no mention of the board again, which was good. Lauren/I followed, dropped her on time after a bagel run. Work meetings went ok, but I've been in a funk all day. Feeling down about all sorts of things; weight, job, finances, focus, etc. Tech is creeping back in to burn my time trying to make things work. By the time Jen got home I was just ultra irritable and some things were said that were upsetting. Trying to put into context and understand if who I am is really a struggle to be with. Seemed likely, I wrestle with it too. But I just have to keep that to myself.

People lose me the minute they introduce "God" into a discussion, as a belief. It's just so puzzling and difficult to comprehend. I'm sure it's subjective and at this point, somewhat ambiguous, but it's till troubling. I was pleased this am to not have a knock-down drag-out over the board staying at Matson w/Tommy. I won't let him take it without a helmet and I won't return him to Pano with it either, but it wasn't a big press. We'll see how it goes tomorrow. Work was good, I went in, and enjoyed doing so. AM walk 2miles with Lauren was great. Made some more egg bites. Lauren Jen and I met at new burger place by Rite Aid. I liked it but it was too pricey. I can get burgers just as good under $10 elsewhere like Mojo or Habit. Leash issues have me pissed off for PM…. Retracting not working, spent 1hr plus taking apart and trying to resolve and the end result is there's just less 'quality' and more 'disposable' in today's product market. Makes me long for the days of higher quality products that last longer. Photo is of a paper that was caught in the wind at Meridian/Hamilton en route after work… flipping and floating up and down… reminded me of American Beauty…. This particular image looks like a UFO, though.

Anticipation: A break tomorrow PM. No plans.

Watched Adam Ruins Everything

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Parenting Cleanup

BIG cooking day. Got groceries and helped (moderately) with cooking/storing of dog food for the month and meals for the week too. Big haul, freezer and fridge are packed. Kid here and helped out. Some drama re Tommy, board, lack of helmet. Got messages and replied w/a direct 'not getting involved' but also set expectations with Tommy about helmet usage and loss of the board. Walked to Subway w/Lauren and my legs were really hurting. Enough so that I started to get concerned about what might be wrong. Tommy went to do stuff with Karl/Eric, Lauren and I went on a music drive to Palo Alto for Walburgers and Ice Cream. Realized the leg pain was from squats doing window cleaning! DUH!

Anticipation: Setting up a dinner w/Matt B.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting