I managed to get up and ready to take Tommy to LGSR at 6am. I heard his alarm go off and waited. He ran late, but I rolled with it and deflected the blame as being on him, not me. I walked for an hour and returned. He pressed to stop at his mom's en route back but I said no, which of course was met with pushback. The simple truth is I'm getting tired of being pressed and rushed because I'm doing things to meet others needs instead of allowing myself the grace and time to have room for my own errors and delays. It was nice to have time to walk Scottie and clean up for work and get my focus on the tasks at hand. It was a good morning. I cancelled the dermo appointment for tomorrow so I can work on sprint planning needs, and because the bottom line will be a direction to leave things alone so they can heal. Beyond wanting the elbow issue addressed it's all in my own court, really. Lauren came at 6pm and we watched the Flight Attendant (1st 30 w/Jen to get her up to speed. It's an interesting show and I am caught up in the puzzle, so it'll be interesting to see where it goes. Lauren's getting up w/me in the AM and Jen/I are going to do a fast for the day. I need that, I'm still failing to return to the best routines for my long term health and happiness. There's all sorts of excuses that can be made but in the end it's all in my control. Just like the drinking and other vices I've managed to set aside. Just like the walking I'm now doing daily. Just like adding the routines to ensure the house is in order, the dog's eyes and teeth are maintained, and any other number of simple steps that simply fall into place when the priorities are clear. This is doable, too.

Scottie managed to make it through the night without Jennifer around, although there was lots of pacing and watching at the window beforehand. We had a good walk and I spent the AM getting my closet space tidy'd up while continuing to listen to The Promised Land. I walked the now-routine path for 1hr just in time for Jen's return. I'm clocking an average of 2miles/day so far and enjoying doing so. I received and returned the Amazon Halo within an hour or two today, because, just an AppleWatch, it's just another gadget that I feel gets more in the way and more distracting than the value it provides, and at the cost of the frustrations that comes with technology too. I ran a few errands with Tommy, read more of "Promise Me Dad" on the patio, and managed to score 2 GreatClips gift cards that I can use for 2021 when getting the kids haircut needs addressed. We wrapped up the day with some steak and squash, and on a whim, watched "Snatch" again. I'll be up tomorrow at 6am to take Tommy to LGSR and to get my walk in while listening to my daily podcasts before jumping back into the work week.

Nice productive day today. After hanging the Christmas lights yesterday, Lauren helped me out today with some cleaning up around the house, after a great breakfast at LGCafe, of course. The cinnamon roll is a gut-bomb, I need to avoid 'em. After breakfast we returned to Matson and I cleared out the patio, bedroom clutter, cleaned the kitchen fully, dropped off donations, vaccummed the house and Lauren helped w/the carpet spot-cleaning too. We also took Scottie for a full service haircut, wash, nails, and such. I had requested they leave his face hair long but that seems to have been lost in translation and they just did a routine and aggressive cut. Well, it'll grow back and I'm gonna do a little research on DIY options again. Tommy's at dinner with Eric and Carl tonight, so I've had the evening to myself. It's been pleasant and feels rewarding. I've resisted having a scotch as it's something I've committed to taking a break from. The only booze I've had was wine on Thanksgiving and I'm remaining focused on healthier habits. Cinnamon roll aside.

Thanksgiving 2020. Kids with their mom today, so we did "Thanks-getting" last night instead. Ham, Green Beams, Potatoes-Au-Gratin. All of it was delicious. I helped minimally with prep and a lot with cleanup but Jen did the heavy lifting and in the spirit of giving thanks, I could not be more grateful for her easy nature and open heart and willingness to let myself and my kids into her life with such love and acceptance. Lauren's easy going but both Tommy and I… that takes patience. Tommy spent the day with his mom as did Lauren and he's back at Matson as of 6pm. I've not heard otherwise so I'm going to assume all was peaceful. I hope so. He's fixated on getting the iPhone Pro Max now, so tomorrow's tree-cutting looks at risk. Time will tell. Jen/I spent the date at Valerie's with Cynthia and it was a pleasant day, good food, good conversation, nice walk in the woods. Heading into the weekend, Jen's going to visit her uncle in SoCal and I'll be solo w/kids, likely mostly homebound as it should be due to covid but if Tommy manages to find a phone option nearby, well, we'll see what happens.

Got up to go for a walk with Lauren at 6am. I felt the tug to remain in bed and set the alarm to snooze. I even did, but forced myself up before it went off. Went to get Lauren who's alarm hadn't gone off only to learn it was 5.15, not 6.15. I'd somehow munged my alarm setting. I stayed up all the same but let her sleep in and we walked at 6.30 for 1hr, to Bagel Basket and back. It was awesome. I set aside my goal of another chapter of "Promised Land" so we could just enjoy the walk and talk. I have lots of time to listen to an audiobook but this was a chance to just be together. We got a #5 for Tommy on a crossaint and a bagel for her, too. We returned and I decided that since they were both with me until 6pm and they were out of school this week, I'd take the day off today instead of Wednesday. I'm glad I did. Lauren and I went into LG where I bought and shipped some Great Bear to Melissa, we drove around for awhile, got Tommy after his workout and headed to Phils Fish Market for lunch. It was great. Yes, a long drive, but options are limited these days and it was reminiscent of prior outings. I took the CRV over the BMW too. Old School :-). Ran w/Lauren to GOBM to get our Thanksgetting food, took her to Pano at 6pm per our new custody agreement after walking the dog together. It's nice having the whole day with her. Relaxed for the evening, listen to the next chapter as I'd intended earlier. Setup Libby access for my mom's forthcoming Kindle and sent her updates. Put "Men Explain Things To Me" on hold for her, along with a few others. Watched "All In: The Fight for Democracy", about the history of voter suppression. My God, what the hell was wrong with people and how is it that it's even still a thing today, which it is, and worse in ways that it's subversive, manipulative and difficult to identify and recognize. From gerrymandering to the deceptions used in campaign materials to lobbiest and special interests, it seems like we're taking one step forward and two steps back... and to the side, too.

Up again, 7am. Sleep was sporadic but still woke feeling good. Seems I'm a bit haunted of late with life choices and impacts. Scenarios keep creeping into my half-awake thoughts. I need to exercise some lingering demons. I used the early start to meditate. Dropped Tommy at hockey practice, walked w/Lauren for 50min while listening to 'HOAX'. Adam came, we went thrifting, and they went to the mall while we stayed home. They made dinner together as he learned some cooking techniques from the master. We ate dinner together around the table, talked and laughed and had a great time. Adam is a great person with a good heart and strong character. I hope he continues to come up every few months. Listen to the next chapter of Greenlights, too.

Enjoyed another good deep sleep and got up by 7, still. Felt good doing so. Tommy got us Philz, which was great. Jen made scones again, yum! Tommy reached out to his mom about the door repairs, which I pressed him on and was proud he finally did. Only to learn later that she subsequently lamented grief and upset to Lauren about it. Jesus. So wrong and unwarranted. Adam came to visit, we got Burger Pit burgers and hung out for the evening. He's staying elsewhere for a range of reasons and will return in the AM. My mom's seemingly doing well with the Kindle, and I'm super excited about that. 

Work from such a deep sleep that the alarm has been going for 9 min. That's how out I was. But got up and out and enjoyed a great walk through Vasona. Taking various routes to explore options makes it less mundane. Listened to more of "A Promised Land", some podcasts too. This routine is starting to become habit as designed and that's good. I'm pleased with the effort and results so far. Took Tommy to Extra Hours Off Ice in the later afternoon and while he was there I ran to mom's, gave her Jen's Kindle all loaded up w/stuff, and I'm hoping it proves to be a solution for her desire to read books without the weight that hurts her hands. I assembled and installed the shower caddy for Tommy. He's being very generous with his recent earning and treating us to Philz tomorrow. Looking forward to a relaxing morning, making scones with Jen, Adam's arrival, and our Burger Pit dinner w/Lauren at 6. I know how I'd feel if I didn't see my kids for months at a time so this is great, and something I want to support and foster more of.

Even though I make it clear the night before that we had to be on the road by 6.15am if I was going to take him to LGSR, even though he was told repeatedly that Lauren was going to come walk with me, he was late, snarky about her going, and I told him to stop bitching or I'd turn around. He didn't. I did. And things were tense. Lauren and I walked to 7-11 and back, he went to his room and I went about my workday. Late, gradually, he resurfaced, the issue was never spoken of, and seemingly gracefully accepted. We'll try tomorrow. Meanwhile, I setup Jen's Kindle so I can give my mom a shot at using it for a week to see if she'd like one. I ran him to the gym in the PM and waited at Panera doing work tasks until he was ready. Then I went home and made something I've been craving, something similar to the Chicken dish I used to get at Willow St, with grilled chicken, sun dried tomatoes, along with bacon, garlic, onion, mushrooms and artichoke hearts. It was awesome, they loved it, and Jen even mentioned how it reminded her of something she used to order at Willow St. Classic moment. One of many to be grateful for. I'm extremely excited to be getting Steve's "Tex" book into Dean's hands to read and consider as a screenplay. That would be wonderful. The positive aspect of my most recent efforts to get realigned with actions and restrictions that take me towards my goals are coming to fruition. I'm managing stress a wee-bit more gracefully and, even though the first 5 minutes sucks, getting up and getting out daily is a positive move as well. I'm looking forward to tomorrow's walk and a chance to continue one of several audiobooks.

Wednesday is the 'rest day' from the AM trek to LGSR, but I got up early anyway, and had a great monring. I doubled down on mediation and listened to the daily podcasts I have added to a 'library' for my daily listening pleasure. I cleaned up a slew of podcast cruft and organized things nicely. I trimmed out a bunch of 'noise' with the intention of using any podcast time for things of particular interest or relevance to a routine focus. I can search/listen for anything ad-hoc but I want a simple set of content I use for daily inspiration, current events and a couple fav's like "CineFiles". I also fixed an annoying issue with photos not sync'ing or retaining shared albums. I still need to get the shared photos to Linda. I started working on it but encountered issues. Now that their fixed I can continue. After the struggles with trying to negotiate a revision to custody, and some of the things she refused to compromise on, and some of the shit I know she's still saying about me, I started thinking about not continuing the effort. But I don't want to be like that. The photos are of our lives, kids, experiences, and such, and being vindictive is neither productive or necessary or who I want to be. OK, maybe for the first hour or two, but it dissipates. Routinely. I managed to stay on track with reasonable eating, perhaps too much but still the 'right' things. I think I'll make a revised effort re portion and timing tomorrow. 3 meals, 10-6 range, fist size. I didn't get any time in with reading or audiobooks but I did watch the Oprah conversation with Obama. He's everywhere, promoting his book, and it's good to see and hear the stories and experiences. I'll be watching part two of the Bush documentary soon. Lauren was here, I gave Jen a break, made her a drink, made lemongrass chicken for dinner, and we all sat, ate, talked, and took a long drive out and about. We did a 'personal history' tour of prior homes and such. It was great. So much better a use of our evenings time than sitting at home and watching other people live a life instead of us. I got a response from Dean re my initial feedback on the script and I appreciate his acceptance of my thoughts. I'm looking fowrard to continuing. One more thing on my plate. But that's a good thing, because the term 'my plate is full' need not be about burden. It can be about abundance, friendship, interests and opportunities.

A colleague and I were discussing issues we had with religious organizations, and in particular, the Mormon church. I mentioned my brother had moved to Utah and after many years of living there outside of the flock, he had converted and is now in a position of being a teacher and a leader and such. They said "So, he's a Bishop?" and I replied "I guess so. I consider him more of a Pawn."

The first 5-10 minutes getting up at 6am are still tough. But the effort is paying off. Mentally, and hopefully with consistency, physically too. Before leaving the house I received an email that my preorder of "A Promised Land" was available in Audible. I listened to the intro and first chapter while walking, and another chapter this evening. It's excellent. I'm a bit overwhelmed by the volume of content I have available and I'm juggling three at the moment: Promise Me Dad, Greenlights and this. I don't know how people find the time to get through as many books as they seem to but I'm trying Made a mistake today trying to run Tommy to an LG shop and back on lunch hour. My bad, not his. My idea, not his. But best laid plans can go awry and I made a bigger deal about it than necessary. Stressful day, as more back/forth about custody changes occurred. Talked to my lawyer, took his advice, agreed to the compromise and Lauren starts 'true' 50/50 custody this Saturday. I have a lot of resentment about the degree of pushback on what I think is reasonable and/or logical, but I'm not dealing with somebody that is either, so I'm just going to stop dealing with them. A lot can and will change next year. Lauren's with us tonight/tomorrow and she/I did a meandering drive after dropping off some Costco stuff to my mom. It's good to get out, and I think I'm 'returning' to being up for doing so.

Just listening to Barack Obama new audiobook's introduction alone, a brief 10 minutes spent summarizing his overall perspectives going into writing his memoirs, gives me far more optimism, hope and faith in humanity (and of our nation's future being in the hands of the generations behind us) than anything Donald Trump has tweeted or said over the course of the past four years.

Up late, need to get to bed before getting back up at 6am again. Good AM walk. Tommy knocked out more school stuff. Low key day but drama/upset due to a PM snafu grilling asparagus and making dinner while Jen was on a work call. Smoke alarms, dog under foot, general havoc made it hard for her to lead her meeting. She was pissed. I get that. I might do the same. Pissed me off though, as it was a mistake/unexpected situation. She walked dog, we finished meal, things stabilized. Ran Tommy to Gilroy outlet for no reason, what he wanted wasn't there. Was good to get out. Stopped at Costco. Stocked up on things. Covid-19 lockdown returned to PURPLE so we're going back into a shutdown. Oh joy. Continued negotiation and pushback w/Linda. Court looks inevitable. I'm sticking to my grounds on principle and for Lauren's sake. We'll see how it plays out. 

Today was well-paced, productive, relaxing, and welcomed. I managed to get up early on my own, focused on staying in a relatively still state of mind and went right out to meditate. Staying 'in the moment', even for just 10 minutes, is hard enough as it is without waking up and looking at news, messages, or other related activities that become mental distractions, so I appreciate the days I'm able to do so. It's a good way to start the day. I'd like to extend it to mid-day too, in the coming weeks. I'm in a good place and have a positive mindset, relatively. I think having made some dietary changes, eliminating 'vices', and returning some focus and attention to things that have a higher ROI are helping me stave off what was otherwise a creeping depression and malaise. For months. I dropped Lauren at Pano a bit late after briefly getting my mom setup on FaceTime, which I am hoping she'll use to connect to Paula and Jeri, too. The isolation is hard and I've wanted to get this going for some time. Tommy went to a hockey training class in downtown SJ, and back, and I took him to get a burger afterwards. I also clear out the remaining content of mine in the closet in his room so he has more space for his own stuff. I had to move a lot of things into bins, thinned out some old stuff no longer in use, and put the rest into storage bins in Lauren's cloest, out of the way, to gradually go though over the next few months. Jen and I spent some time chilling out in the PM and listen to the first part of "Greenlights" playing throughout the house as we worked to pickup, cleanup, fold clothes, and prep for the work week. I replied to Linda's response to my custody change proposal, further whittling down specifics and conceding on some things in order to hopefully come to a reasonable agreement. She doesn't know, understand or appreciate me at all, and as frustrating as that is, my focus for now is on enabling Lauren to have a bit more control over her schedule, and getting reasonable agreements as to shared responsibilities for routine expenses. We'll see how this plays out.

Work at 6am, sort of a routine, but fell back asleep which was nice and welcomed. Still up and active by 7am. Enjoyed a pleasant day w/the kids. Binge watched the rest of Queen's Gambit, which was good but I started to lose interest as I tend to do on things that feel a bit padded or drawn out, or predictable. It was still really well made, produced, filmed and written. Made a few runs between shows to GOBM, Hope, and later to Pure Hockey. I think I finished the final touches and refinements on BMW media collection update. Lauren helped me put up the window shields in the Patio. Jen made a stellar chicken soup. She went to neighbors for a girls gathering on the patio and the dog has been whimpering non-stop 'cause he can hear her there and it's making him crazy. Cute, sad, and annoying all at once. Lauren/I watched "Knock Down The House" which I think gave her a different perspective on politics and AOC in particular.

Managed to do well on eating constraints, breaking what has been a bad pattern. Intending to maintain focus going forward and getting back on track to my original goal. Another good AM walk w/Lauren. Tommy's been told to stop brining guests to the gym, something I didn't really he was doing as much as it sounds he was. Football was canceled for the season yesterday so we'll see what comes of the next week or two's consistency. Hopefully it'll continue, I have no reason to think it won't. Put a deposit down for his scouts Catalina trip. So glad he's doing again, he loves that place. May try to work out going too. Aunt Paula did well with surgery today, and we now have texts going which is great to have as an option for communication. Scotties' been coughing throughout the day, sporadically, and we think it's a passing thing. Lauren got her iPhone 12 mini. I'm jealous but have all I need for now. Got Andale salads for our dinner, and burritos for the kids. Watched 2 more seasons of Queens Gambit. It's really well filmed and edited. I need to get back to Dean on his script tomorrow. I have feedback he might not like but it's honest. I'm still dreaming of my own, but I have been failing to prioritize writing nightly posts let alone a screenplay. Looking forward to a home-base day tomorrow.

Took a nice solo walk this am after dropping Tommy and Caden @ LGSR. I'm appreciating that this "need", getting him there and back, is forcing me to start the day earlier and get something done with my time. Lauren is here tonight so tomorrow we'll do the same, together, w/Paneara as the target. We might listen to "HOAX" too, TBD. Work was good. I seem to have finally mastered the MP3/USB Tags in order to enable full compatibility with the BMW UI. It's an obsession, I know. I have and use CarPlay as does Jen but the 20GB HD and access to the music just makes it fun to have fully loaded with music. This rework was done to add some new stuff and to get her "Heavy Rotation" tracks (Cure, Smiths, B42s) loaded as well. We ran to Bass Pro on a whim, all of us, then watched episode 2 of "Queen's Gambit". Listened to a good podcast discussing the Green New Deal after the topic came up and Lauren expressed some concerning perspectives, based in ignorance,  I believe. So I'm doing due dillgence and sent her the same. Listened to more of Atomic Habits, too, and I feel good about things I've done and need to focus on a few things I'm not doing constantly including habit tracking and daily meditation. The AM routine w/LGSR has thrown that off. I'm looking forward to a potentially rainy afternoon tomorrow, and going to get Lauren's iPhone 12 mini.

Kids were with us last night, and I stayed up late, and unexpectedly well into the early morning hours. We've not fully nailed down the root cause but OMFG the dog was really struggling last night. At first I found it annoying but as soon as it become clear something was off, the annoyance decreased, a bit, and I proceeded to get up, put on sweats and follow him trotting about the house restlessly. I let him out front, out back, and event out beyond the gate where he frantically trotted about until having explosive diarrhea next door. We went back inside for a brief bit but he remained restless so I put the harness on and waked him about in the same frenzied manner. 3am and I'm out walking the dog until he exposed again in the the street. Poor guy. There's an assumption it was, yet again, related to a change in the diet, but it was a minor one and for fuck's sake the dog's just a bit too sensitive, I guess. Eventully we returned and I got to sleep around 3.30am. Tommy gracefully accepted that his am gym trip was off and I tried to sleep late. He's seemed much better today but we've yet to see "solids" again. Maybe tomorrow. Work's financials for the month are really low due to all the politics and such but I'm trying to remain optimistic. I'm planning to reply to L's email about my requested changes tomorrow afternoon, as I feel bad introducing upsetting responses when it might impact her evening and sleep. It's so weird, how compelled I feel to be considerate when it's really her that needs to put more consideration into how she considers and gauges my requests, action and character. I doubt I'll ever be seen as a good person again, by her, which will always bug me. Both kids really seem to have adjusted well through the years, though, and I think that they're seeing a better dynamic and having better experiences now than 8 years ago. Tommy and I got In n Out and had it waiting for Lauren when she was dropped at 6. He had a friend over and Lauren, Jen and I watched an American Experience documentary about GWBush. Part 1. It's fascinating. Age and experience have taught me to recognized "visual errors in time as well as space" and in some ways I think I had been too judgmental about his presidency. Yet I also struggle with the business aspects of the war machine and decisions being made that might tie to profit as motives. That's a whole separate topic and I'm a bit worn down about politics after last week. Still, it was and is really sincerely enjoyable to hear Lauren's perspectives and observations. She's a wonderful intelligent and strong young lady. It's been an honor to have played a leading role in her life. His too. He has been difficult at times but also loving and genuine and sincere. The best part is how accommodating and accepting Jen's been through out all of this.

It has certainly been a full and eventful week. Starting Friday with the all-day watching of continue election ballot counting through and It the night, alone with the call and chaos surrounding Lauren and her friends "incident" on skyline blvd, which I wrote about elsewhere, Saturday AM began with the 'calling' of the election results. We had standing plans to visit Martin Ranch, had a great tasting and meal while leaving Tommy behind, as he'd returned to the scene of the incident to assist with the vehicle recovery during our absence. It took hours, from what I heard. They even found Lauren's phone was still in the car. We returned, picked up some things and went to have a great meal and watch the Stanford game with friends over flank steak, asparagus and a magnum of 2013 Cab we got at the winery. It was a good evening. Lauren was dropped Sunday, she/I/Tommy went to Palo Alto (he drove) to get Wahlburgers. We returned, dropped Lauren at the 1st of two birthday parties and picked up a desk he found on CL out near the Almaden golf course near the Sinatra house Jen/I coveted. He assembled it, I transported Lauren between parties and a combination of cold weather and a strong but brief storm sprinkled the east hills and Mt Hamilton with snow. Both kids were great today and I felt like I manged all of the possible conflicts that typically arise with grace and patience. Tommy's been more and more engaged and helpful at the house and quicker to recognize his own impulse reactions. Lauren's just a joy as always and I watched her talking at dinner and felt such a sense of maturity as she continues to grown into a young adult. It was heartwarming to have them being engaged and involved in the evening. Jen made dinner for breakfast and we talked and laughed and watched some SNL. I got Lauren's Kindle w/her from pano so she could set it up and start using it and I'm excited that she's wanting to read more. Scottie was a bi off and it seems it's related to a minor diet change. I guess that can happen. It does for me. It was a balanced and relatively positive weekend. I did get a reply about the pending court and topics the I am going to address tomorrow. 

I have used the 'wind chimes' alarm sound on my iPhone for long enough that, when real winds picked up overnight, trigging the real wind chimes our next door neighbor installed, I woke up repeatedly. Several times. Each time assuming it was the phone in the other room, each time being too tired to get up and turn it off, falling back asleep only to be awakened again a little while later by the same damed subconscious trigger.

Time, Place, Saving Grace

My daughter narrowly escaped a serious accident tonight. And that's no exaggeration. She and her friend, who only just got her drivers license, were on Skyline blvd, a single lane road through the forests between the Santa Cruz mountains and Saratoga. Somehow, through some seemingly innocent attempt to make a "Y" turn, her friend floored it in reverse while turning the steering wheel in the wrong direction and they careened up and over a 2-3ft incline that dropped into what is about a 50ft ravine leading straight down.

I had a decent start with a good meditation. Jen dropped Tommy at the gym and he got a ride back. Vijtoria dropped Lauren at home and I got setup for work. Results for election are still being tallied and the big takeaway seems to be how close, and how so many people were willing to vote for Trump after 4 years of his bullshit. It's unfathomable to me. Work was good. New WiFi setup arrived and seems far superior to what I was using before. I still have some ideas on ways to further improve but I'm satisfied and going to sell off the older hardware. Ran to Valley Fair for a couple of returns and got Thai for dinner back at home. Tommy is starting to get on Jen's nerves. I know my responses to him factor into it but I'm not unreasonable.

"A Month Of Sundays"

I used to work for Harvester
I used to use my hands
I used to make the tractors and the combines that plowed and harvested this great land
Now I see my handiwork on the block everywhere I turn
And I see the clouds 'cross the weathered faces and I watch the harvest burn

I quit the plant in '57
Had some time for farmin' then
Banks back then was lendin' money
The banker was the farmer's friend
And I've seen dog days and dusty days;
Late spring snow and early fall sleet;
I've held the leather reins in my hands and felt the soft ground under my feet
Between the hot dry weather and the taxes, and the Cold War it's been hard to make ends meet
But I always kept the clothes on our backs;
I always put the shoes on our feet

My grandson, he comes home from college
He says, "We get the government we deserve."
My son-in-law just shakes his head and says, "That little punk, he never had to serve."

And I sit here in the shadow of the suburbs and look out across these empty fields
I sit here in earshot of the bypass and all night I listen to the rushin' of the wheels

The big boys, they all got computers; got incorporated, too
Me, I just know how to raise things
That was all I ever knew
Now, it all comes down to numbers
Now I'm glad that I have quit
Folks these days just don't do nothin' simply for the love of it

I went into town on the Fourth of July
Watched 'em parade past the Union Jack
Watched 'em break out the brass and beat on the drum
One step forward and two steps back
And I saw a sign on Easy Street, said, "Be Prepared to Stop."
Pray for the independent, little man
I don't see next year's crop

And I sit here on the back porch in the twilight
And I hear the crickets hum
I sit and watch the lightning in the distance but the showers never come
I sit here and listen to the wind blow
I sit here and rub my hands
I sit here and listen to the clock strike, and I wonder when I'll see my companion again

https://music.apple.com/us/album/a-month-of-sundays/1440816327?i=1440816621

Election Day. Wow, so much closer than I had expected. I was thinking earlier that, and I know I'm generalizing, but that a Republican whose candidate lost would be mad, while a Democrat in a similar position would feel sad. The mad reaction would be for selfish reason, being that something was taken away. The sad response would be for the state of our populace and process, and that there was a focus more on 'me' and the moment than on 'us' and the future. Dark Money, greed and backroom deals happen for both parties, I'm sure, but it sure feels like the goals of the democratic party are driven predominately towards the simple act of doing good and looking ahead. Now I'm going to sleep uncertain of the outcome, at the moment and for the future, too.

DST kicked in. Nice to have the early daylight. It may play well into my desire to use the time Tommy spends working out as a slot for my own extended walking and audiobook/podcast listening. Testing it out tomorrow AM. I'll park at the gym and walk 30 min out and back again. Jen was off with her cousin today while Tommy/Lauren and I drove to LG then Campbell for Farmer's Market and just to get out. Dropped Lauren. Finished watching Hamlet. Enjoyed it greatly. I really appreciate the fact that it was written so very long ago yet it touches on topics that are as relevant today as they were then – the damage that comes from assumption based actions. Things I wrestle with in both accusations and actions. Afterwards, at his recommendation, he/I cleaned the house and cleared Halloween decor and it was great having his help. His mom replied about him staying and for the moment it's extended but we will still need to resolve some additional issues through court order. Enjoyed a steak-based stir fry with a nice dry Pinot Grigio. Also, I stated the photo sharing process/effort again with re-importing all photo backups so I can work in the photos app, hopefully, to both divide the photos to share with their mom as well as prepare something I want to complete by their birthday next year. Shhhhh. Saw Lauren briefly when running Tommy by to get his MacBook and she asked that I send over more halloween candy. Heh. We have a lot of leftovers. I also listened to Atomic Habits and based on it, recognized the success of my own prior efforts including this daily journal and tracking habits that have become routine. I moved the scale to make it more of a cue daily and I'm going to focus on a few other cue's and stacked actions.