The Big Dipper

Highlights: Lick Observatory with Jen, Marc, and Jon. The science lecture on exo-planets was the point at which I felt validated about inviting those two. They are both so very into this level of detail, while I, well, my brain glazed over within the first fifteen minutes. It was quite humbling, though, to consider the vast scale of space and our own minuscule place therein. Over the weekend I spent some quality time visiting my mom and attending to assorted tasks and needs at home too. The dinner at our friends' house Sat night afforded us the option to bring both dogs, one of which was captivated by the options to sniff and explore the dense landscaping and "riverbed" style fountain. We also had fun contrasting and comparing two 2017 Malbecs. One from Therese Vineyards (local) and the other from Argentina (not-so-local). It was quite fascinating to find a 90% similarity and identify the 10% variants. Both were wonderful. My "damp" 25" intentions, though, took a hit. I am realigned for the rest of the year. We test-drove a Rivian on a whim today. It was luxurious and spacious but also a lot to handle as far as size goes. If money were no object, I do not know that I would want it over my current Model Y. If that point ever comes for me (money ≠ object), I will likely look elsewhere, or at their truck, which has a few more possible functional benefits.

Highlights: In reverse order, latest to "when last we left...; Stanford Theater: Sabotage and Young and Innocent. What a great double-feature. Almost 90 years old, they were an honor to be seen again in that theatre, on celluloid, through a projector, scratchy images and spliced jumps, all alongside eras as dated as to have blackface be portrayed as routine. Knowing these are the inspirations of what became his trademark style, which makes the experience like walking through an art gallery or hearing early Beatles recordings, while knowing what they became to the world of music. I thoroughly enjoyed it, but the seats get uncomfortable after several hours. I had a good call catching up on board-related stuff with Pamela. Howes your coffee included discussions of everything from the best Catwoman from th'60s Batmanan show (Julie, of course) to the Year of the Cat as a pivotal point in personal music. The morning also saw calls being made and insurance bills being managed. Oh, and I got a good deal on a HomePod mini for the patio, which is a welcome addition. Yesterday, I stayed home after cards while Jen went to Christy's to chat and pick up our Divine wine and cheese order, and we ended up with almond cake. Brian and I spent most of the day working on the wifi at the Zen Center. Progress was made alongside simplifications, but there is more to do.

Insights: Tommy has ignored and avoided us for the past few days. Likely over the driveway parking we take up, and the issue of taking the car while explicitly being told not to. He's in the wrong. Period. On all of this nonsense. It'll always be difficult for me because this is the outcome of my apathetic avoidance of fighting for their well-being through more aggressive parenting rights. The entitlement was created as a result. I also received and started working with the AI Paper, and returning here to the remarkable validates what I dislike about the new units' user experience. I'll stick with this and return the other.

Jen, Tommy and Lauren returned from Disneyland today. Lauren flew directly to Sacramento. All was good until Tommy decided to battle our decision to reclaim the driveway for both of our cars and that he would park on the street as a consequence for having taken and driven Jen's BMW to Stanford and back, when he has been told he can not drive either of our cars for very significant reasons. This intentional transgression included finding and taking my key out of our bedroom and returning it once back. In his mind our response justifies going on the attack and portraying us as being unreasonable. He is now giving us the silent treatment. His negotiating skills need a lot of work. His ability to manipulate, argue, dodge, deflect and redirect though makes me think he should become a republican congressman. His entitlement has reached a point of such absurdity that it's laughable. I don't have it in me to bother discussing any aspect of how absurd it is with him any further. I did greatly enjoy having the house to myself from Sunday until today. I took care of tasks at my moms Sunday, and thoroughly enjoyed seeing "Notorious" at the Stanford, perhaps more than any of the many times I have seen it previously. I spent time working on another new post Monday (I have several in mid-stages that I need to complete) and I had the geeks over for GNO to dine, banter and enjoy the warm summer evening. I also trimmed Scottie's "mane". The grooming table may prove to have been a wise investment. Jen's got concerns about her job due to news of more cutbacks in the marketing organizations. It will suck if it happens, but I will strive to keep a healthy and positive perspective and trust that we will manage to recover.

Back to the Wall

Furthest seat centered. I will see the lights coming from behind me. I will hear the click of the projector. I will hear the ding of the bell that accompanies the indicator in the upper right corner of the film that the reel needs to be changed. I will relish in immerse myself fully into these two wonderful films. Notorious & Shadow of a Doubt.

Highlights: DRAGGED my tired ass out of bed at 6 am to meet Mark for "Howes Your Coffee". It was worth doing so and fun talking Simon & Garfunkel memories. Lauren and I made cheese steaks for lunch. There was room for improvement but they were damned good for a first try. My mom's call with her AML doctor at Stanford went better than I had expected. He seemed fine with the latest bloodwerk while discussing our concerns and questions. I find it frustrating at times that she continues to hold onto negativity and historical resentment, and that she does not seem to be aware of her clearly limited time to make the most of this life. She seems removed and incapable. And I accept that as her choice. It's just not what I would be doing with this time.

Insight: The magnitude of any loss should never be seen as more significant than the gift of having had it to lose in the first place.

Highlights: Lauren and my trip to Santa Cruz started and ended the day by train for lunch, then back at sunset for a Betty's and Seabright stop. For dinner, we had street tacos made on the new grill.

Insights: Lauren's visit has derailed my eating, drinking, writing and exercise routines. But anyone's visits do that. I do strive to recognize them as vacation-esque periods withlimited opportunities. A beer, burger and shake can be managed with the proper discipline. I have kept my deviations moderate, or at least not completely abandoned. Lauren made me laugh and smile daily, and my take on managing a few tensions with Tommy has proven helpful - take a beat and allow him to recover from impulse initiated responses.

Highlights: Father's Day. LG Cate (to go) courtesy of Tommy. Picking up Lauren. A gift presentation (Big upgrade of our prior BBQ) and subsequent assembly, "seasoning" and using. It's awesome. And the prior's already gone courtesy of CraigsList. Lauren and I took Lucky on a mountain drive. He did well, and best when we stopped and he was able to take in all the smells.

Stopped On My Tracks

"You've grown." she said during a recent morning walk with the dogs. "I have?" I replied at first, consciously feigning modesty by responding with a question intended to illicit further emphasis, while choosing instead to acknowledge my agreement by repeating those two words as a declaration. "I have." I repeated. 

Highlights: A couple of days reconnecting with friends. The Yacht Rock Review outing was a great evening in idyllic conditions (I won the name that time contest hands-down). Dinner with Johnathon and Tonya was equally rewarding. The music at the farmer's market took on a new and improved direction. The IHSS process moved forward a square re. orientation. More progress on the book chapter.

Insights: I have good friends, family and life. I own the creation of any drama that occurs, as it originates and exists in thought alone.

The most strenous part of my IHSS appointment Monday was their lack of public restrooms. I have an orientation to attend and then I'll be a certified In Home Support Service provider. Likely just in time. Seeing The Phoenician Scheme again was rewarding. It changed my views as did doing the same for the last two releases. It's still not in the top three for me, but I enjoyed it a great deal more. My 'mental health' day in Santa Cruz was a significant one for many reasons which I'll strive to document in more detail another time. Lunch with Nevin was rewarding as well, for good reasons. Inspiration and introspection as to his own path thiese past few years align well with my own. Seeing Gloria Swanson in the 1925 silent film "Stage Struck" at The Stanford gave me a whole new level of respect for her role and performance in "Sunset Blvd". She was stunning, versital and natural on film. I plan to see more of her work.

Dramatically out of character while quite enjoyable, I've been sleeping a bit better, and "in" as well, meaning late. Sleeping late. Yes, that allows for the nudging at 6:00 by the dog demanding he be fed. It's just that afterwards I get back under the covers instead of getting morning sun and meditation time. I don't know what to attribute it to, but it's been refreshing. Tomorrow, though, I plan to return to my baseline. Speaking of baselines, I hit 190 and bounced up again. Things like going out to breakfast @ "Effie's" in Campbell, a gloriously retro dining spot, make avoiding carbs next to impossible. But rye toast saturated with melted butter is a defensible excuse. I remain committed to meeting the target, but it's going to require a lot more discipline at my mom's house as well as not eating out. Our morning visit with my mom and Lindsey followed. It was rewarding to have some deep conversations about relationships and prioritizing yourself. About the space between compromise and sacrifice. About not wishing you had said or done something diff­erently, as if the change would make everything suddenly 'work out'. How that is complete fantasy, make-believe, wishful thinking and imagination. Like my to-do list for the day played out in reality. Some things the yard and house were attended to, but less got started or ully completed. Tomorrow, as mentioned, is a return-to-form day for me.

Highlights: Sitting in the 78° afternoon, which seemed like 74° due to the shade of the house and a steady breeze, the streaming of Yacht rock spins life-soundtrack selections as a nearby fountain babbles. At the same time, Jennifer hums along and laughs at my failed guesses and stories of mixtapes and the "happy with yourself" glare at Renee during a Luther Vandross concert. Tommy's off to dive with a work colleague, and I had a brief yet heart-warmingly casual fun "convo" with Lauren after an unintentional butt-dial. Jen was bored and restless in the evening and suggested a drive. I was moderately settled in, yet as I told her, our time each week has limits, and I want to spend the time we can doing things we would not do independently. We went out and around some cool neighborhoods, such as the Rose Garden, Park, the Alameda, Newhall, and the many interesting homes and surroundings. One street still has the old "gas streetlights," although I assume they are no longer operational. We had a great evening. We have something great, always: gratitude and a genuine friendship.

Insights: It's been a day of feeling connected. A day of feeling fortunate. A day of wondering, "What did I do to earn this?" It's a somewhat narcissistic thought, yet sincere and based on gratitude. I don't know what might be waiting around the next corner to derail and overturn my current outlook. When (not if) whatever change comes along and I fall into despair or depression, will I again wonder what I did....? Are the highs and lows consequences, or just the course of nature without any other attributable reason beyond the circumstance of cause and effect? I like to think it's a choice of perspective, but I don't relish the idea of a pop quiz. However, that's completely unrealistic. All of this experience is an endless test.

Matt C, Me, Matt B, my Fiat. Late 80's.

Highlights: Jen spent a chunk of the day with friends in Santa Cruz while I attend a Tikoji meeting and made some requested event registration changes. I also triaged and partially resolved the onsite phone issue. I have more to do. There is always more to do. Scottie saw a new vet today and we are thinking over our options regarding his teeth, joint issues and longevity. I may seek a second opinion. What I wonder most is if his teeth are pulled will it make his life better or worse. The internet says "better". He's also having hip and joint issues. we believe he is around 12 years old, and statistically he's in the last few years of his life. I will be doing further due-diligence and get him attended to soon.

GPT on GSM

Out of curiosity and on the heels of a conversation this morning where somebody referenced "running themsleves through ChatGPT", I asked it what this website was. This is it's unedited response, formatting and emoji's and all. I found it interesting yet limited. Kinda like I see myself at times. So maybe in that way it's spot-on-target.

The purpose of gmtabyakt.blogspot.com, titled "Passing Thoughts and Lasting Impressions," appears to be deeply personal and reflective. It serves as a digital journal where the author — likely Geoffrey Scott Mitchell — captures day-to-day observations, emotional moments, and inner processing of life's transitions...

I've missed a couple of opportunities to journal, but that has a lot to do with the number of things going on. I'm a broken record about many things, including how amazing a single day's experiences can be when you stop and reflect on the actions, interactions, thoughts, and engagements, as well as the errands and idle time. That's what makes up a day. 
The last few have been engaging. Around the house, I managed to install the two more wifi door locks, a long-time goal. Batteries were replaced in several AirTag devices, including the one on Lucky's collar, Jens' and my keys (I carry none anymore, but my keyless keyring is not just a tracking device and nothing else), and recharged the wafer-thin wallet tracker that I have. I finally put the cosmetic tape around the two recently installed toilets. While doing all these things 
We experienced a brief power outage. I received my formal termination notice from Care2. It was entirely expected, as planned, and felt like a rewarding closure. I wish I could thank Marlin but I did often while he was alive. Yesterday evening, the Shika at Jikoji left a voicemail saying that the internet was down. 
It didn't make sense. I did what little I could from a remote perspective to access the Starlink connection and found it an engaging puzzle. I thought through possible scenarios and isolated the most likely cause to be someone having unknowingly unplugged the extension cord that powers the Wi Fi hubs in the community building. I went up there this morning, early, to take a look while I had the time, and that's precisely what had happened! I helped resolve some other power strip and extension cord-related vulnerabilities. I felt good going up the hill and resolving it promptly. Oh, and I also fed a mosquito or two while I was up there. Bastards! Mom's 2nd treatment went smoothly, and I ended the day with The Phoenician Scheme. The set designs, cinematography, and dialogue were all pure Wes Anderson. I may return next week to revisit it, as it was hard to follow the storyline. This is not new for me.

Highlights: Howes Your Coffee with Laura's "via satellite" appearance. Acknowledging this being her 15th anniversary of being sober. Scottie's still doing better, but his left hind leg is giving him trouble, and his teeth are, too. We set up a prototype fountain, a second one that is more audible, in the backyard. I roasted and dropped off Jess's coffee after my mom's check-in. She's had less energy, and her bloodwork shows a decline in a few markers, which might mean the treatments are becoming less effective. We will know more next Wednesday, but it's still the same regime for now. I have been pretty stoic and matter-of-fact about all of this, yet there will most certainly come a point at which the significance and the loss that will be inevitable will hit me harder. Or I'll spread it out and work it into going forward with a grateful outlook on how I have had all this time and all these experiences due to her being the influence she has been. Good and not-so-good. More on all that another time. An acknowledged change on the horizon is already underfoot.

JUSCHT (Switzerland), GOAT TOMME (Bodega, CA) ,JAKE'S GOUDA (Deansboro NY)

When we moved to this street, our kids were four. Now, some seventeen years later, as a few of the homes within our quaint little court-community have flipped, new families have found their way in, and the streets remain alive with the nostalgic sounds of children's play, shouts, and laughter. It's fucking annoying. Were my kids and our neighbor's THIS loud and with such ongoing consistency? It's summer, clearly. And it was all fine when they were mine. At least they were to me. Perhaps not so much to the neighbors. Particularly the ones that moved. (Suddenly, a connection appears.) Scottie seems to have rebounded from last night's semi-coma. We really have no idea what happened that had us unsure of his living through the night. In any event, he did, and I have reached out to a couple of vets. I will be taking him in for a check-up this week as well as opening the long delayed conversation regarding his teeth and gums. I fully expect to have a toothless dog by July, and likely an empty wallet. He and I will be having a "come to Lassie "discussion soon about a 4+ year longevity agreement. This means no more leaps of faith from 12-inch heights when his joints and bones are rated to 8-inch maximums. No more wandering directly underfoot in the kitchen where he's routinely tripping us in hopes we'll drop something edible, and for dogsake, he must stop eating everything he comes across, inside or out, assuming it's something edible that's been dropped. (Suddenly, a pattern emerges.) If I can get 4 or more good years out of him, the dental work will have a satisfactory ROI. Two or less and a less optimistic decision to let nature run its course, graceful and without aggressive steps being taken to accelerate it, might warrant consideration. I am half-kidding. I love this dog deeply. I do hope we have him around for at least a few more years. But good years. Not aged, blind, toothless, and incontinent ones. (The dog. Not me.) One other highlgiht: Tommy shared having re-connected with the "Days of Discovery" team at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. He has an opportunity to return and volunteer in a more hands-on way this summer. That's a great "circling back around" moment for him, having longed to be in the water and now most likely to do so, and potentially with kids from Stanford that he's been working with, too. Next stop, SafariWest?

the shed exoskeleton of a cicada nymph

Highlights: A good chunk of my morning was spent trying to constrain seething anger over a series of events this morning that yanked me right back to a place in my history with Tommy and his mom. Not a fun place to revisit. It's ironic that I spent last night reflecting on how all of the "bad" here from so many years led to a place of good. A path worthy of the struggles. Only to be reminded so quickly how amperment any moment might be. Jen and I talked it out later, but I don't know that she fully understood the gaslighting that created the riff and my almost PTSD level response. I did well by walking away from the situation and by reminding myself that anger is the loss of an opportunity to learn and integrate a valuable lesson. Rinse, lather, repeat, right? Buy now my scalp is waterlogged and wrinkled like a prune. Adding to the days dilemma's is Scottie having taken a bad fall as Jen was moving a cushion. It was and is heartbreaking to see him limp and immobile. He's appearing to recover, and will hope­fully be more himself in the morning. I'll see what the situation is but it might warrant my staying home instead of going to take my planned train trip to Santa Cruz and back. My effort to help my mom sell books on ebay backfired. Sort of. I dramatically underestimated their weight and the need to ship in two boxes. Media Mail is still costing a lot more then I expected and the net will be not worth the time and effort. I will get them sent and not do this again.

Insight: Holding Scottie, tonight as he was clearly suffering made my love for him swell, as it did my regrets for not having walked him daily, trimmed his nails and seen to his dental needs.I could have been a better owner. I have not had a dog since I was a teenager, and as such not really responsible, not really an "owner". It's a lot of responsibility with a lot of rewards. More then I had anticipated. Like having kids. And sacrifices too. My gut instinct is to not do this again, but my heart says to just append the words "for awhile". I'll cross that bridge another day. I'll see if Scottie's up for a walk tomorrow.