the shed exoskeleton of a cicada nymph
Highlights: A good chunk of my morning was spent trying to constrain seething anger over a series of events this morning that yanked me right back to a place in my history with Tommy and his mom. Not a fun place to revisit. It's ironic that I spent last night reflecting on how all of the "bad" here from so many years led to a place of good. A path worthy of the struggles. Only to be reminded so quickly how amperment any moment might be. Jen and I talked it out later, but I don't know that she fully understood the gaslighting that created the riff and my almost PTSD level response. I did well by walking away from the situation and by reminding myself that anger is the loss of an opportunity to learn and integrate a valuable lesson. Rinse, lather, repeat, right? Buy now my scalp is waterlogged and wrinkled like a prune. Adding to the days dilemma's is Scottie having taken a bad fall as Jen was moving a cushion. It was and is heartbreaking to see him limp and immobile. He's appearing to recover, and will hopefully be more himself in the morning. I'll see what the situation is but it might warrant my staying home instead of going to take my planned train trip to Santa Cruz and back. My effort to help my mom sell books on ebay backfired. Sort of. I dramatically underestimated their weight and the need to ship in two boxes. Media Mail is still costing a lot more then I expected and the net will be not worth the time and effort. I will get them sent and not do this again.
Insight: Holding Scottie, tonight as he was clearly suffering made my love for him swell, as it did my regrets for not having walked him daily, trimmed his nails and seen to his dental needs.I could have been a better owner. I have not had a dog since I was a teenager, and as such not really responsible, not really an "owner". It's a lot of responsibility with a lot of rewards. More then I had anticipated. Like having kids. And sacrifices too. My gut instinct is to not do this again, but my heart says to just append the words "for awhile". I'll cross that bridge another day. I'll see if Scottie's up for a walk tomorrow.
Insight: Holding Scottie, tonight as he was clearly suffering made my love for him swell, as it did my regrets for not having walked him daily, trimmed his nails and seen to his dental needs.I could have been a better owner. I have not had a dog since I was a teenager, and as such not really responsible, not really an "owner". It's a lot of responsibility with a lot of rewards. More then I had anticipated. Like having kids. And sacrifices too. My gut instinct is to not do this again, but my heart says to just append the words "for awhile". I'll cross that bridge another day. I'll see if Scottie's up for a walk tomorrow.