My God, it's so hard to maintain a calm attitude when I feel so unappreciated. I had a conversation tonight get started reasonably well. The topic was about the differences between her and my needs for order and simplicity. We maintain a civil tone for the first part of the conversation but when I began to point out how I felt the need for more clutter that is necessary indicated a choice being made between the items and the people in the home, things went south quickly. It takes so much out of me to try and get a message across about what is so simple in my mind. I'm sure the same feelings are returned when it comes to her priorities but I think I understand and get them and I spent 15 years trying to adapt to them.it all seems to boil down to me not being the man she wanted to be and how much I am to blame for that.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Monday, October 20, 2014
The Time To Write Is Never Wrong
Taking the time to write is never wrong. It's becoming very clear to me, as the months and years pass between my more aggressive periods of writing and today, that writing is key to my own inner growth. Writing has been away for me to get my thoughts sorted out, to reflect on indecision and take action, or to simply ensure that long after I'm gone my children might have a glimpse into the person I was instead of having only the view of the person they see from the perspective of youth.
I spent a brief period of time this evening with a friend. It was the first time we've gotten together in over a year and we had much to discuss. It was a supportive and validating discussion and I appreciate his friendship and willingness to share his own experiences and observations.
The takeaway was encouragement that I take back my life, rights and identity. I think I've already started working on it and I'm optimistic about the direction I'm seeing it go.
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