We had a box-spring that we no longer need. Just the box spring. No Mattress. So, I posted in on Craigslist, and in parallel, arranged for its pickup through the city at no charge. Just to increase my options in getting rid of it. Now, I did not want money for it, I simply wanted it to go to somebody that would need and use it, not resell it. “Laying” it forward, as it were. So I listed it with a price of $50. I then explained within the ad that it was really free, not $50, and how I wanted to avoid the ‘free stuff’ squatters that respond in droves within minutes of a post, frequently in broken and poorly typed sentences, flaky as hell when it comes to following through, and often inclined to initiate the email dialog with the same single sentence, over and over again…. “Is it still available?”
Typically, if it is a recent post and still up, one can assume it’s still available. But I understand that being the first question, just in case. That’s not what bugs me. It’s the absence of follow-on questions in the same message about how to proceed if it is, their contact info and availability… anything. Anything other than that one sole question. It’s a nit, I know, but it’s mine.
I received several inquires and as mentioned earlier, many were flaky as hell. Non responsive, no follow through, they just ask one question and then “went dark”. However, one of the replies started with “I have not heard back from you” which made me wonder if I had missed an email or perhaps they thought they’d already contacted me. Yet in this instance the guy was smart enough to include his phone number for me to call or text instead of sending a reply email that might not be getting through. Brilliant!
I texted him about it still being available and my whereabouts. He mentioned wanting to measure it on an iniital trip then return for it on a 2nd trip. I went and measured it and sent him the details, indicating subtly that queen size box springs are pretty standardized. He’d also indicated that he’d need to come with his son-in-law to get it because he was “old”.
I started to get a feeling about this guy. I started to mentally project somebody in their mid-late 70s, smart, polite, intelligent enough to compose well written emails and texts… and the reference to his son-in-law helped me feel good about it’s actually need and actual use. I felt compelled to ensure he realized it was just the bottom part, not a full bed set. Not in order to avoid wasting my time, but to avoid wasting his, out of concern he might have assumed otherwise. He indicated having purchased a mattress, but needing a box spring. And they came over.
He called when they arrived, gave his first and last name, and politely explained they had arrived a few minutes early and they were parked outside. He was talking like he’d talk to an old friend while they were just leaning back, looking the clouds and contemplating the meaning of life. Out of habit, I was a bit abrupt and interrupted him to say “OK I’ll be right out”. In hindsight I feel a bit rude having been so impulsively rushed as to not allow time for a more respectful exchange. It’s a subtle skill in short supply.
I came out of the yard as Gene was getting out of their SUV, a bit slowly, like I myself have moved on the rare occasion that I have messed up my back up and can’t move easily. He was about my statue, although a good 25lbs lighter, and in general he matched my expectation of an older gentlemen. His son came out too and I greeted them and said it was inside the courtyard. I joked that “it had never been slept on” as if it was some pristine new item… only to drop the punchline… “we always had a mattress on top of it”. They laughed and his laugh reminded me of my own, his facial responses even echo’ing like those of my father.
As we got the mattress, I helped put it on their roof, explaining the whole ‘free’ reasoning behind my post, how I really wanted to pass this along to somebody to use before having it in landfill or taken and sold for profit. The man stood beside me like an old friend, mentioned that ‘we’re all humans in need’ or something to that effect, and acknowledge the shared desire to ‘be there for others’ in these simple ways.
As I was leaving Gene stopped me, put his hand on my shoulder, and shared that he’d just lost his wife. He was in the process of changing out some of their furniture. His voice cracked ever, ever so slightly.., almost imperceptibly. I nodded empathetically, looked him in the eyes and said I was glad he was able to use it. They, proceeded to secure it to the roof and he said goodbye, calling me “Brother.”
I’ll never see this man again. I spent only 3 or 4 min in his company, but he made a strong impression of me, like having met a kindred spirt. Of having had one of those rare and revered moments of not only human connection, but humane recognition. For all I know his loss has instilled or invigorated the awareness of our shared humanity. Maybe it’s based in religion. Maybe he doesn’t even realize he’s doing something significant in his own good natured ways. Who knows. But it certainly made me feel good about living consciously.
In a day and age where brevity is the norm, and where taking time to appreciate the good intentions of others is less compelling than the glow of a screen and news feeds. one can start to wonder where routine civility and the consideration of your fellow man went, or even “if it is still available”.
It is,
