Highlights: The-movie leftover gathering was wonderful. I ate and drank things I knew better than to eat or drink, and my body went on strike, blocking the sleep sheep from jumping the picket fence line for me to count. Then a two-hour board meeting, which was productive and pleasant, brought a few additional tasks my way that took a chunk of my day, and that... yep... Is Ok. Plans changed throughout the day and that too was ok. Given the week behind and the week ahead, I need a bit of downtime. I enjoyed a cinefiles podcast revisiting "It's a Wonderful Life"- an annual favorite With vastly more emotional connection to me than even "The Wizard of OZ" come to think of it. What a great feeling nostalgia can be when you focus more on the sweet and less on the bitter. Tommy went to Tahoe for the night & tomorrow & and the house is ours alone for the first time in a while. I'm enjoying writing on the couch with my feet and hers meeting in the middle, Scottie between us, shadows of a possiblefuture. Living alone, kids went, finding a balance between shared and individual interests. It's all so fun to imagine while having nothing more than a thought of optimism. Having passed yet-another-milestone, it's on to whatever lies ahead to relish or sermont. I had a long conversation with my man while cleaning the kitchen. She is doing well. She is still sharp but still has back and sleep issues. I have to anticipate 2025 having more needs of my time helping as her mobility continues to degrade slowly. It's a gift that she has gotten along so well so far. I'll not anticipate anything further as an experiment of being in the moment while it all unfolds.

"Howes Your Coffee" - Thursdays @ 7

I've no words to describe the last few days adequately. Jen and I have built a home and a life that epitomizes our ideal space, family and relationship. My mom's doing exceptionally well after a rough start with a terminal diagnosis. My kids have demonstrated how well-established and durable our connections are, and I have honored and preserved their mom's legacy to the best of my ability. My life is filled with passions, interests and opportunities. We have a wide range of friendships for which we're intensely grateful and enjoy to their fullest. I got to see "The Wizard of Oz" tonight on the big screen for the first time, and it resonated so deeply as to the simple beauty of a lifetime and all we 'have' that we don't always reflect on. I have everything to be thankful for, and I am.

It's been quite a dynamic day or two. Fall is certainly in the air. The morning clouds and sunrises remain spectacular, although I missed them for a day or two as I allowed the creeping cold to increase the air pressure on the blankets, thus preventing my escape from the stifling and unbearable warmth below. The looming Thanksgiving gathering has me focused on assorted "Honey, do…" tasks. My AAA office visit was modestly successful while frustratingly constrained. It just doesn't make sense that with my driving record at this age, we should be paying the increase we're being charged for car insurance. It's been acknowledged to be a rate increase post-COVID that would've otherwise occurred gradually over a few years. In either case, I'm shopping around for insurance options. I helped finalize and send out the fundraising plea for the Zen Center and worked on a revision to the webpage, too. And the migration to Stripe is ready sans the subscription model. I'm incredibly proud of all those work outcomes. The practice session with the Comparison and Choices rep went wonderfully and is another point of pride and increased confidence. I won the Cardz game last night and enjoyed the conversation and laughter. I've said it often, and it's true - we have a wonderful array of friends and experiences. I reached out to Lisa and hope to see her in early December. That she found David how she did is potentially what got Lauren interested in the genetic search tied to the access I gained last night to Linda's 23andme account, now in Lauren's hands as she explores the possibility of some legacy-based explanation of her traits and characteristics. She's really into it, while Tommy's not so much. Francine reached out about the coordination of tree trimming this year, which I am all for. The day today has a lot of errands lined up back-to-back; social, pet vet and grooming, pickup of nuts and a daughter, all during holiday commute traffic. I'll be sure to self-medicate appropriately. :-)

Paper receipts, bills, and this to "file"—so 1990s.

Chorizo and eggs. I made some this morning, knowing that Tommy would be home for a while and that it's perhaps a comfort food for him, with memories of a few years at Matson where it was almost routine. Nothing, though, compared to the daily breakfast sandwich production during school days. My history with this Mexican mystery meat goes back to the" Roach Coach" at 21st Century Products, whose inclusion alongside eggs, cheese and potatoes wrapped in a tortilla was my go-to at the time. This was the late 80s, my mid-twenties, long before the past few days, hours, years, and even decades. Being a parent wasn't even a consideration, let alone making for them what they would someday reflect on as comfort food. All of this means so much for only so long until it means nothing to anybody, at least in any attributable manner. No more than the egg breakfasts that my great-great-grandmother felt the same attachment to alongside the covered wagon ride on their travels across the plains into Utah. Fast forward three or four generations, and none of these musings, let alone the emotional attachment we currently experience for this one simple food, will be of anyone's conscious thought. Yet their own experience will. Meaning that the idea of what we define as comfort food is innately engrained in our human experience. Isn't it? I don't recall being told to eat something familiar and find it connecting you to a time, place, person or feeling, yet it does. As for things back in the current world, my day has a few scheduled tasks to attend to, while the remainder will likely be to start the multiple-day cleaning and preparation for Thanksgiving on Thursday. I am already candidly overloaded and have limited responsibility. It's just the volume of guests that I'm feeling a creeping apprehension around, in the literal sense of the collection of bodies in as tight a space as we have, and the noise level I know will be a struggle. My hearing, alongside my sight, it seems, has gotten worse. I find it increasingly challenging to filter backgrounds from foregrounds dynamically. I may try using an airpod as an aid to see if that makes a difference.

Highlights: A pleasant morning coffee watching birds and catching up further with Matt and Laura. I'm getting more comfortable there and may return in December if circumstances allow. I don't feel like as much of an imposition as I had before. I'm actually far more comfortable sneaking downstairs in the middle of the night, drinking and diluting their liquor so it's not obvious, rooting about the sofa cushions looking for spare change like a dog sniffing for dropped food at a bbq, and of course, going through their mail. I'm looking forward to them being out of town soon. Lauren's ordering a keg and telling her friends about the party already. The return trip was smooth, and about 80% was self driving, which expires tomorrow and this was a good use of it. I think if I drove enough daily I'd subscribe but I don't. I dropped by the pie pickup party at Wendy/Mark's on the way home, to meet Jen and Tommy there. We socialized. Once home I helped Jen get the table inside, knocked off some action items including FAFSA applications for both. Trimmed my hair, too.

Insights: I found a dead bird on the side patio while waking with Scottie in the dark tonight. I almost stepped fully on it, and I was barefoot, too. I felt a soft sense of sorry for it, but I felt connected to it too, as I did with Lauren and the redwoods when we paused awhile. Hmmm. A theme is developing. I'm becoming more observant or perhaps more intentional in such instances. Don't worry, I'm not turning into Ricky Fitz staring intently into Lester Burnham's lifeless open eyes. Still, I am encountering things suffering or dying more frequently than "usual." Unrelated (maybe), I noticed two directly adjacent billboards outside of Sacramento on the drive home. The first said "Healing Ahead," and beside it was "Car or Truck Accident?". It seemed both foreboding and backwards :-)

Highlights: Driving to Sacramento was so comfortable in the Tesla. I had lunch with Lauren at a Mexican place around the corner. We drove to Calaveras Big Trees and talked nonstop. I stayed at Laura's place. We laughed and had good times with Matt.

Insights: I saw the second half of a conversation that started earlier this week with Tommy conclude with Lauren. I could not be more grateful for the gift of genuinely feeling the value of my influences on them and their recognition of their importance to me. It is as significant a moment as the day of their birth. It's a chapter closing as yet another begins.

California drivers reacting to the annual "1st-rain-of-the-season"

Highlights: A good weekly planning with the Jikoji crew and a productive 1:1 following to strategize on some process improvements related to roles, responsibilities and revenue needs. I reviewed the C & C presentation further and contacted the requestor to coordinate some options for the event on the 3rd. The rains today were wonderful to enjoy from within the house, but the flooded streets and chaotic highways reminded me of how unprepared we seem to be each year when it happens. The dinner at Matt's with Shelia was great. Simple, good conversation and relatively 1:1 time spent with my friend and his mom, both of whom are like family to Jennifer and me. We returned home, remarking and reflecting on how fortunate we are. Lauren called later in the evening to share that the Alameda police had reached out trying to find the current owner of Penelope, aka the Mini Cooper she sold last year around this time. I was able to find the buyer's details by searching through text messages (at Lauren's prompting as I struggled to find it elsewhere) and passed it along. I also texted them to alert them but got no reply.

Insights: I reconnected with Jack post-election to revisit our lunch plans. He's dealing with cancer again. Jack's somebody I want to write more about in greater detail elsewhere. He's been a mentor and the epitome of 'lead by example' bosses and friends. We don't connect often, but we have a consistently reliable and sincere connection. I will drive up to see him in Pinole in a couple of weeks. He, too, like Shiela and so many others, is and has been a wonderful influence and contributor to my life's journey.

Passing Thought - Dumb Founded

"Dumbfounded" is not only a fitting term to describe my disbelief at the current political landscape. When divided, as is our nation, it's also an appropriate term for the upcoming "term": Dumb Founded.

Not dead, just hurt

Highlights: The sunrises during the past few mornings have been, without exaggeration, spectacular. This morning's was such that not only was the sky illuminated with color, but the faint mist surrounding the house felt infused and vibrant with hues of orange, too. Last night's GNO at Urban Plates was good. The food was reasonably priced and good, in an oddly "mass production" manner wherein the three salmon filets all looked identical, in a processed sort of way. Mom's 2nd chemo visit went smoothly. I wrestled with researching and resolving an issue with her printer, trying to work around the extortion-level locking of its functionality based on page count metrics, unsuccessfully. While at her house, she gasped to find a mouse on her counter behind the sink's faucet. It was struggling, unsuccessfully, to stand, turning over and over instead, clearly hurt. I took it outside and along the side yard where I felt it might have a chance of survival if it could move. I looked on the way out, but it was not there. Tommy is wrestling with the ADU opportunity, workload, lack of income, and difficulty in navigating many moving pieces. I'm letting him make his choices while trying to support and give input. I look forward to seeing Matt/Shiela tomorrow night and visiting Lauren in Sacramento on Saturday.

Insights: The injured and likely dying mouse tonight hit a nerve that's become more prominent than ever. The empathy, compassion and recognition of mortality, fate, impermanence and the complete inability to do anything more than try and avoid what is enviable. I felt so bad for that little guy, as I would for anything I observe, such as an animal on a roadside, the bird in the back yard this summer, the gopher too, my mom's circumstances, and other forms of suffering that I believe we all want to avoid and relieve. Epictetus said, "As you kiss your son good night, whisper to yourself, He may be dead in the morning. Don't tempt fate, you say. By talking about a natural event? Is fate tempted when we speak of grain being reaped?". It's complicated and challenging to live with that consciously; it's habitual to see things "as they are" as if it's how they'll always be. That's perhaps the ultimate delusion. Expanding that level of awareness to everyone, everywhere, is an even more significant challenge. I still remember being devasted by an overseas famine to the point Linda was incapable of relating to it. At the time I felt like the oddball. Now I see it as a gift, if not simply my nature.

No filter, no adjustments.

Highlights: Mom's appointments went well; test results remain solid and indicate good stability. I called about her medication grants, and things are well aligned to get her through 2024 and into 2025 with options to extend without much difficulty. I exchanged several good calls and texts with Tommy, indicating that our heart-to-heart was taken to heart. I've made plans to visit Lauren this weekend and to stay with Matt/Laura. My 'introductory' call for the upcoming C&C presentation went great, and I'm getting some guidance tomorrow and beyond as I prepare for it. The day ended with a relaxing evening (much-needed) alone after a Costco run with Tommy while Jen visited a nearby friend.

Insights: The day began with a breathtaking sunrise. It felt like a cinematic moment representing a new start. It served as a reminder of the passage of fleeting time alongside the magnificence of nature on a scale far grander than our up-and-down dramas could ever be. Individually or collectively. We, as a species, seem almost inconsequential by comparison. Our presence plays out in subjective isolation while the order of nature, including our own, humbly and consistently accents it all, generation by generation, century by century. It's the ultimate perspective adjustment to pause and consider its magnitude and our place within it. Perhaps our most significant contribution could be to leave it all literally and karmically better than we found it.

I have become attuned to the life events of those around me. Events creating long-lasting impacts within the brief fleeting moments that make up the breadth of their brief fleeting life within the context of time itself. Yet I still strive to make the same awareness my own default perspective consistently conscious.

Highlights: An enjoyable morning coffee with Marlin. I'd considered riding the e-bike but wanted to take a bottle of wine for him. Jen needed the Tesla, so I drove the BMW. Only, I forgot the wine. I wish I could say such mental hiccups were uncommon, but my journals would prove me wrong. It was an engaging visit, and I continue to appreciate his good nature, intellect and character. My visit to Chase to update some banking accounts for Jikoji also went smoothly. Rachel, the banker Jen and I have dealt with repeatedly, was as pleasant and welcoming as always. She's another good soul. I dropped off a wine box that Wendy needed. Plans are settling for The Wizard of Oz at the Stanford the day after Thanksgiving with a "Leftover-the-rainbow" potluck at the Priest's to follow. I finished mapping the PowerFlex chargers at Leigh and, upon doing so, realized the likelihood of ever needing them is improbable. They'd not have resolved last weekend's issues. But who knows, it's done, and accomplishing an unnecessary task still gives a sense of accomplishment.

Insights: I will undoubtedly write about this in more depth elsewhere, but tonight ended with an unexpected discussion with Tommy that I have been anticipating for the past three years following his mom's passing. It was unplanned, unscripted and uncomfortable, yet it was also honest, genuine, open, blunt, supportive and productive. Some air was cleared, some truths were laid out, and there was a level of maturity and emotions that I am grateful to have shared. I don't think this is over by a damn sight. This simultaniously set a new level of connection and separation that will take a while to settle fully. I'm going with the flow of being transparent and accepting of whatever outcomes might lie ahead, as I'm viscerally confident that I've done the best I can with the best intentions given what I had to work with.

Highlights: A good morning walk to pick up Tommy's car. The spectacular colors of fallen leaves along our sidewalk. The smell and satisfaction of roasting 3 pounds of coffee, 2 of which were my first 'real' order, at Mark's request. Focused continued work on helping Tommy with his banking and budgeting needs, with significant progress being made. The same goes for a few ad-hoc tasks related to Jikoji and Compassion & Choices volunteering. I dropped the coffee at Marks, and we got a simple neighborhood ride in before sunset. Lauren called, and we had a great chat; it was heartwarming to hear her voice.

Insights: On my morning walk to Leigh, I listened to a podcast about Plato's Apology. I also installed an AI tool Jess recommended, an audio transcription app that uses AI to pull together your spoken narratives and effectively 'clean it up.' I've been trying for quite a few years, decades perhaps, to find a way to achieve this, including Dragon Dictation in the early 2000s, all the way through until today, where the best I could manage was trying to use the notes app and my iPhone's built-in capabilities. It's been a 70% solution with pitfalls and barriers preventing me from adopting it. I went the other direction and started using a remarkable to write long-hand. That, too, is a 70% solution at best on a good day. So, as a test, I talked briefly about the podcast I just finished. About how I listened to the Apology of Socrates for the first time. That it made me feel inspired, moved and concerned all at once. I was inspired by Socrates' strong character. He stood firm in his beliefs and ideas, even when society, the government, and the threat of death pressured him. I was moved by his followers' support. Many of them became important figures in history, and they were willing to defend him. I felt concerned because our current politics seem to mirror that old society. People deny being wrong, refuse to accept uncertainty, and often do what's wrong for many to benefit a few. What that transcription app did was generate the eight sentences preceding this one. It worked well. I was impressed with it, challenged, and a bit threatened, too. I want something that accelerates the writing process and can accurately turn my speech into text, but with a desire to be genuine and authentic, using something that subjectively rewrites what I say is a complicated step to consider. I use Grammarly for spell-checking, and it introduces both fixes and errors. AudioPen took my stream-of-consciousness style and made it far more succinct. Yet, does that dilute what might otherwise best represent my own unique individual approach? My writing style (or lack of). It indeed emphasizes that I have room for improvement, as does Grammerly, and could be a significant improvement for my first draft generation. Conversely, how might this change the tone and narrative of Holden Caulfield if I narrated the first chapter of "The Catcher in the Rye"? I will continue to play around with it a bit longer to explore its options and abilities, as it certainly does offer what I need, but is it really what I want?

Extra­ Ordinary

Highlights? What if there are none? What if it was just an uneventful day? What am I to do with that? What Level of desperation-induced elaboration might dilute a core objective of this journal: to instill gratitude for each and every day being extraordinary? None. Even an uneventful day, focused on being just that (and thus a successful one), will still contain something extra that's likely being overlooked. A friend reaching out to schedule time for coffee or sharing an article that made them think of you. Somebody asking for my help, being relied on, trusted and needed. The laughter-generating exchange resulting from two recursively throw and returned tennis balls via one of my two allegedly best (4-legged) friends. Helping my mom through another techno issue. The sound of hearing my two kids talking genuinely on a brief call. These and more in just this one "ordinary" day were "extra" moments worthy of my gratitude Especially when experienced alongside a consciousness of impermanence.
Extra­ Ordinary.
"Extradonary".

(written with a nod to Wim Wenders, Wings of Desire, and Peter Falk's similar observations of humanity in general).

After resigning myself to the chaos of daily existence, an interesting turn of events played out this morning, including thinking I had failed to connect the car or start the changing properly. I drove the BMW down to address the issue. The first thing I did was remove, reseat and restart the changing. Then I set about ensuring I might have an edge on resolving any future scenario wherein the connection was proper so starting the charging could be handled remotely. It was how I had managed it previously. You can enter the 8--digit QR code number from anywhere. But you need to know if for each unit, it's not a data point stored in the applications charge history. The solution was simple. Map each changer's position to their respective QR code. I methodically took photos of each in a pattern that made it reasonably straightforward to organize them as rows, poles, and relative positions on a clock, with the school being 12 and Leigh Ave being 6. After taking dozens of photos and preparing to head home, I sanity-cheeked and found that my car was STILL not charging. I suddenly realized none of the charges were working. At that exact moment, I heard the echo of the barista at Starbucks as I was leaving with a refill of coffee some 20 minutes prior in response to my comment about how suddenly packed the place had become. "The power is out for a lot of people, so they're all coming here," she had replied. Although my power was on at my home, I saw the dots were connecting, Leigh's was out. At about that exact moment, I noticed another driver in their car nearby. He pointed towards the nearby corner interestion where a power pole was leading over the crushed frontportion of a car that had run into it earlier that morning. Mark and Wendy coincidently arrived a moment later as I was taking the car to charge elsewhere. I conveyed the power outage situation. Apparently, they, too, were out of power, and the accident had occurred before I'd picked up Tommy's car earlier that morning; I didn't notice it at all! This is the sound of assumptions shattering. It proved to be a good test of and reminder that if and when I do pay for charging, the nearby fast changers run at 8 times the speed and cost consistently less than my home rates. I addressed "refilling" in 20 minutes while knocking some shopping tasks off my list. We ended the day with a trip to Santa Cruz to attend "An Evening with John Cleese" with Matt B. He (Cleese) was engaging, funny, and impressively sharp and articulate. (As was Matt too of course). The seats were uncomfortable, though, and for me, the interviewer and the questions posed by attendees were mostly inane, trite, and wasted opportunities to get more substantive insight and relative wisdom for someone of notoriety. Instead, it was lost to inane inquiries about silly walks and the fish-slapping dance. Sigh.

Production improvements. 9,756 oz = 78 servings = 39 days (5.5 weeks)

My expiring points were motivation to take time and hang out at Starbucks. It's backfiring in that once settled in and having settled for subpar coffee, it was delivered with too little cream, which they now keep barricaded from customer access for some odd reason. I've encountered difficulty with the WiFi and had to tether to my phone instead, and an hour after dropping it off, I've just noticed my car is NOT charging at Leigh. All manageable, all first-world issues, all whiny woke white male lamentations. I thought I'd try getting creative, finding a way to use the charging app, its history, and a few other factors, and I came close to getting it managed, but it appears it will require my return. Whaaa. Such a non-issue but worth noting as a small, subtle experience that admittedly does trigger a "grrrr" reflex. It's ingrained and learned behavior that I'm proudly aware of enough to embarassingly admit to being a characteristic. My day yesterday was productive as hell, and I'm hoping to have another day focused mainly on plate-clearing a few time-critical tasks tied to my mom's care, budgeting needs (personal and business) and other such things. Jess and Bev came by after dinner last night to hang out and catch up. It was great to see them and connect calmly and casually versus the typical couples clustering where my short attention span can stretch far enough to break.

Had I kept a thorough journal in my 20s and 30s, I could check this assumption better than relying on memory alone, but I do not recall these aches and pains the day after doing a moderate amount of yard work. Yesterday's exertions are today's explanations. My activity level has been minimal this year, and my focus on daily walks needs to be increased. Strength training and flexibility are next. I have been trying to eat more frogs, too. Something I heard or read yesterday emphasized how the most significant hurdle to accom­plishment is taking the initial action and staying with it. Like the yardwork yesterday, the plumbing endeavor, the dog food cooking now underway in the kitchen. A lot of time spent running to and returning a ball entering your side of the court is essential to being in the game, and to prevent a mess of dozens of balls, you'll otherwise have to pick up anyway eventually. This echoes a theme in my mindset going back a few decades. I have a full day of to-do's to prove it. 

It's time to step onto the court. 🎾

P-Trap Crap! Ecccccch! 

The dogs woke up before me. That's just what they do. They shuffle. I shuffle. They shuffle closer. It's understandable because the pattern is such that their shuffling and increased movement towards me typically results in what they perceive as them pushing me out of the bed and into the kitchen, where there are vittles. Vittles are vital. After getting them fed, I contacted my friend and neighbor on Howes Ct, Mark, to coordinate the first of what I hope to be a series of weekly morning visits.("Howes your coffee talk"). I rode my bike over. It was a great way to start the morning. I'm super excited because, in the process of all sorts of assorted conversations, we touched on the Stanford theater and my recent weeks of attending the film noir film festival. I shared that the new schedule included "The Wizard of Oz" for two weekends, including the day after Thanksgiving. It's Olivia's favorite movie. They've never been to that theater. It's always a joy to introduce somebody to that experience, and we now have it on the calendar with the Priests, too. One thing I recognize as I age, beyond the fact that my first stop when visiting my mom's is the bathroom instead of the kitchen, is the value of having friends. Mark nearby for bike rides and the weekly walk to meet Johnathon for coffee are just a few examples. My journal's full of them. GNO's. Text exchanges with Matt C. Daily movie trivia with Matt B. Cardz online. All of these experiences, interactions, and subtle connections are so significant in creating and establishing gratitude just for "being". It's all happening in real-time and worthy of recognition in real-time. I mentioned the aspects of reflecting on memories the other day. Well, I recognize them as they're made. There's wonderfulness found in appreciating the creation of what will be a memory just as there is in reflecting on it later, once it is. This was the case with my walk to LeLe and a visit with JS, and we're committed to including BL in the invitations after today. Once back home, I took the oft-delayed step to start clearing and cleaning the backyard for the onslaught of fall. The recent rain made me realize it was time. I started slow, finding a place for cushions, and continued for quite a while, over an hour, maybe close to two, blowing, raking, and filling a green waste cart with leaves, needles, and assorted organics, with donations from the dogs here and there. The leaf blower worked wonders, and things look great out there again. The trees, however, haven't started to drop leaves in mass, and when they do, I'll have to go back out there again. And again, and again. It's an excellent way to feel connected to nature and listen to music. The new David Gilmour is quite good, quite Floydian. I also cleaned the gutters, covered the firepit, and played sporadically with Lucky as I did it all. I was wiped out yet still in the groove to get things done, so I took on the bathroom sink p-trap triage task. WTF was built up in there? I'll never know, really don't want to, but it's cleared and cleaned now and will hopefully make a difference. Jen and I had dinner with my mom, Costco Chicken Pot Pie, and a great time talking. She was in good form, and I enjoyed a rather spirited debate about her original thoughts. I'm grateful she's so lucid and sharp; it will be something I'll miss dearly someday. Back home, I made a quick Costco run with Tommy, and he shared a few thoughts that made me feel optimistic about his maturing and self-examination. He's got a lot to work through regarding his upbringing and emotions, and I hope I can be supportive and part of the solution, even when I have a role in the problem. Sigh. Parenting is an ongoing learning experience.

My Future's Past is Now

The onset of fall creates wisps of evaporating moisture gently rising from damp cushions where the sun's warmth lands. Tommy is focused on schoolwork at the nearby dining room table, muttering softly occasionally as he appears to reinforce some passage and teaching. Lucky's lapping of water from the bowl in the kitchen carries a greater distance than I can typically hear, as does Scottie's pattern of rhythmic snoring.

It struck me this morning, on my slightly forced 2-mile walk, how every day's mood can vary and flex. I'm seemingly fickle as hell, moody as fuck, or whatever phrase might best represent the shifting aspect of my mood each day, even each hour. This morning, I rose from a restless sleep, potentially due to the impact of an impacted digestive tract. Popcorn. It's my nemesis, or perhaps the vegetable oil dominance in its production is. Whatever the case, it's become my new 'hangover' routine after a month of frequent movie outings and impulse purchases of unique offerings at GOBM, such as 'caramel cheese' and 'back pepper' seasoned. Their intestinal journey routinely creates a bloated discomfort I've not experienced previously. My morning walk exposed additional opportunities for testing my tolerance for frustration. A repeated attempt to write using dictation while mobile failed due to the background noise of dog walkers, loud talkers and student droppers. For some reason, one that fails to restrain everyone else walking with an earbud, I get embarrassed when dictating as I walk past others. I sense or project negative judgment, as if the 30 seconds of narration they might hear as I pass by would somehow result in an eye-rolling rejection of my character or value as a fellow human being. Where the hell does this come from? Oh, right. Childhood. All that aside, what felt like a rocky start was accompanied (once aborting the dictation attempt) by the Daily Stoic podcast's reminder of the shared stoic and zen principle that suffering is thought, and control is constrained to response. It's all about how I choose to process it. The loss of sleep, the uncomfortable reaction of my body to popcorn, and the annoyance of surrounding school traffic that I was a part of some 10 years ago. It's all subjective presumptions, assumptions, and judgments being made. Just like my assessment of how I might look to others who likely don't give me a second thought, let alone a first. Yesterday, I felt content. This morning, I felt contempt. Maybe it all boils down to a mental mispronunciation. The remainder of my day included closing the three obsoleted checking accounts, a productive huddle with Pamela at the Great Bear, setting forth some business processes and frameworks heading into 2025, and a deep dive into QuickBooks with Katie in the afternoon. With actions taken and action items identified, simplification is underway. Cardz with the usual suspects included lots of laughter along with a sleeping dog snoring in my arms. I decided this evening to pull the plug on the planned "End Well" volunteering trip to LA due to several factors, the biggest being my mom's treatment schedule colliding with it. Although I could have stretched things to make it work and coordinated options for her oversight, it's not what feels like the right priority. It's a gut feeling. I'm following it. And it's not from popcorn.

The day continued to be enjoyable, even though the torrential rains that marked our late morning revealed the need for gutter clearing, something I had thought managed last year with the installation of leaf-blocking inserts. Oh well, it can be approached as an annoyance or an opportunity. I will need to attend to it before Thursday when more rain is expected; Jennifer had the day off and returned to her love of cooking, as she tends to do in the fall months. She made a delicious repeat of the caprice with chicken salad and whipped up a chicken curry dish. We ran to Savers and GOBM for other needs heading into the week. The rain caused Scottie to opt to pee in the garage again. I am NOT happy about that at all. I may have to put the fencing back in place. I spent the evening reading "On the Shortness of Life" by Seneca. It's an inspiring work that ruthlessly amplifies my failure to do more with my life and my time than I do or have done. I need to keep motivated.



New art. I know. Me either. But it's growing on me.

It was a surprise to wake up to find it raining. A light rain, it wasn't apparent until I walked out of the garage into the back yard, Lucky sprinting as he routinely does, counter-clockwise in defense of our property, keeping squirrels at bay. At the same time, Scottie rides shotgun to my stride, held aloft from below atop my right arm. The musty scent of fresh rain and the sound of drops sporadically striking the leaves of the mulberry tree as I set the dog down was when I realized this change in the weather had occurred. I was still half-asleep, having rushed slightly to secure a drop-off at Leigh to get the car. I'd heard Tommy getting ready to leave and figured I'd leverage the opportunity for convenience, not to avoid the walk or drizzle I knew nothing of in that waking state. I am glad I did, yet now see an opportunity to walk and align with my day lost to the impulse for ease and, admittedly, the parallel fantasy of returning home with and crawling back beneath the covers. Instead, though, having thoroughly woken and been as conscious and present with the somewhat romantic aspects of sitting by the window with a fresh cup of my self-proclaimed "Fucking awesome" roast, a "rainy day Jazz" playlist streaming in the background, and my writing tablet in hand. In parallel, I have been trying to coordinate my upcoming trip to LA with my brother, where I hope to revisit the childhood home Iso vividly recall last seeing at the age of 9, fading into the distance through our station wagon's rear widow, slightly distorted by teary eyes, when our family moved to the east coast. It would be rewarding to share that experience with him. I geeked out a bit yesterday while working on an automation shortcut to quickly calculate the charge completion time for the Tesla, including setting an alarm. It's a function I believe should be a part of their app, but it is not, so it was DIY time. Speaking of time, the time aspect was unexpectedly complicated. Why we cling to antiquated models of measurement never ceases to amaze me. How did the concept of measuring a lunar cycle result in dividing that by 29. 5, then 24, and then 60, to begin with? It complicates the math. I got it done all the same, and it was gratifying to work it out. Our tour with some Jikoji folks of the Anderson Collection at Stanford gave Jen and me a chance to explore a few pieces in greater depth than last week. One of the three chosen, "The Ring of Distant Events" by Emil Lukas, was particularly impactful. I'd seen and admired it last week without realizing exactly how it was created. What it was made from. I will return soon to explore it and the Cantor more. Last night was the final night of the Film Noir Festival at The Stanford Theater. Of course, we went. We caught the latter half of "The Postman Always Rings Twice," which was fine; I was more interested in seeing "Criss Cross" with Burt Lanchester and Yvonne DeCarlo. It was great to have had this opportunity to see favorites and discover new films in a venue so befitting the experience.

Insights: When I am not obsessing over or distracted by things beyond my control or a sense of being wronged by the inherent chaos of random circumstances, I see so many simple moments as being worthy of gratitude and even reverence.



"🎼 The autumn leaves of red and gold 🎶"

Highlights: The added weight of an additional blanket last night served as my annual notice that we're heading into fall/winter cold. I enjoy the sensation of the denser coverage. while adopting my typical sleeping position so my hands don't hang out in the chilly air. Morning walks are also adapting to the weather, as my down vest has been pulled out of the closet and worn for the first time in months. The "Living Dying Project" webinar with James Fadiman was informative and validating. I had an opportunity to take a ~ 5-mile walk/hike with Brian and immensely enjoyed getting out and getting some 1:1 time talking over all sorts of insights and opinions. Yet another day has graced me with the recognition of the good fortune I have to have such long-lasting friendships. I did a few tasks related to some calendar and registration updates for Jikoji and sent out the sweat lodge denial notice, which was not well received. I stand by our decision. Our priorities are respectfully aligned with far more immediate needs that require our time and attention.

Tommy and colleagues took 1st place in a project presentation!

Highlights: Getting a text from my good friend Mark reflecting on the summer's bike rides and my physical obstacles to continuation while aspiring to create other options. I now walk past his house on my daily 7 AM walk, meaning I'll likely take a full cup on the way past and pause the walk while we chat on the pat(io). I listened to some podcasts, one Sto, one Zen, and one a new Letters from an American that resonated deeply. A productive weekly call with Jikoji - progress is happening in many ways, although not without some transitional constraints as we work out legacy kinks. I knocked out a few web/reservation tasks. I was thrown by a bank credit from Stanford, thinking I'd been overcharged for a recent visit, but it turned out it was for a class I'd paid for him that he dropped, wisely as I understand it. I spent some time at "Lookout" coffee writing, and I'm continuously struggling with what's for the book or the website. It's challenging. I called and talked a bit with Rich about an upcoming Fadiman webinar tomorrow and the upcoming talks for January. I also called my dear friend Karen to wish her a happy birthday, and we talked for quite a while. I have been so fortunate to have stayed in touch, even though it's infrequent, as the friendship is as invaluable today as it has been since we first met some 42 years ago. She and Dean were pivotal influences on my character, all in good ways. How wonderful to still have them in my life.

Little Big Moments

I've been thinking a lot about the moments in life that we remember. I call them deathbed moments, the things you'll think of when you look back on your life. I used to focus on big events, like driving to Glacier Point on a full moon night, seeing the Milky Way at Pinecrest, or the birth of my children.

Today, as I was driving to see Lauren for what might be a tough conversation, I realized something. I've started to appreciate everything with the same gratitude and respect. It's not just the big, special moments that matter. It's every single day. It's every moment. It's like taking a sip of coffee on a cold morning and feeling warmth in your hands, just like in the movie Wings of Desire. This makes me feel grateful for everything I have. This life is so rich that even small things, like a drop of rain on a windshield or helping an injured bird, become important.

These small moments are just as important as the big ones. They make up our waking life and are part of our story. We often take them for granted while paying more attention to dramas or comedies we watch or read about. But remember, your life is your own story.

Highlights: A rather full and productive day. I was up early and walking by 7 AM. I met with Frank about the upcoming series of talks at the Forum and got some excellent feedback. In the afternoon, I put a long list of ideas and action items into motion. I stress-ate all day – badly – I think I'll try to reclaim some lost ground tomorrow. We met Matt at Aqui for dinner and saw "Heretic." We were very disappointed. It held the promise of a great cast and a foundational plot with pointedly powerful historical details I know well from researching religion's history. It could have been a far more intellectual "cat-and-mouse" thriller, but that was sacrificed to make room for gore, shock value, unnecessary violence and sadistic twists. Not my chalice of blood, so to speak.

I want to say I've managed to stay completely detached from the election outcome, but that'd be a lie. I can say that I'm handling it relatively well, considering that it's looking unlikely that it'll go in the direction I'd prefer. I struggle with what appears to be the validation that Idiocracy was indeed a documentary and not a comedy. This feels like a tipping point for democracy. My heart breaks for all women at the loss of another shot at breaking this ceiling.

What's that phrase that's been attributed to the Harris campaign? It's something like but not exactly "Cautiously Optimistic," and I'm feeling that way regardless of how It all plays out. Riding out this election has been challenging while maintaining a StoZenDao perspective. Emotions kick in, and the ego engages. Jen and I have been talking recently about how people respond to fear and threats, to optimism and community. Mix in idology and triablism and US becomes "Us and Them". Cue Rodger Waters. "With.... without... and who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about". I remember both the intensity of optimism I felt the day Obama was elected, and the angst I felt 8 years later when the pendulum swung the other way. I do anticipate that change, positive change, change leading our collective consious awaerenes of our collective connection as one species, will continue to increase over time. I also recognize that it's never going to be a straight line. Tiides rose and fell for centuries to create shorelines that at one point did not exist. History includes exhaustive examples of cultural and social change. Mistakes become lessons. Costly at time. I sincerely feel that voting should not be a birthright without baseline education and testing that shows a clear understanding of the functions of the three branches of government, the distinctions between national and state-based governance, and, for all of our sakes, knowledge of the current and historical workings of socialism, communism, fascism, nationalism, and democracy. Myself included.

Highlights: DST kicked in today, which played well into my preference to wake with the sunrise, which was an option the day prior, were I not habitually driven by the illusion of 'time' and a sense of obligation to wake at a specific time. I'm not working, so should I argue if my internal clock considered it appropriate to manage the waking timeline to nature? We took the dogs on a walk for the first time in a while, and they enjoyed it. I'd like to resume that daily routine. Jen's limitations and constraints to a clock remain a consideration except on the weekends. I had an MRI today, which pretty much closed out my deductible for the year, meaning that if I pursue the surgery for my neck issues, I'll want to complete it before year's end while I have the greater coverage. It went quickly, so we had time to check out the Cantor Museum afterward. It was a great experience, with lots of incredible work, including Rodin and Pollack, to mention just a few. We're gonna return soon to align with tour schedules. Touch of Evil at the Stanford Theater rounded out the day, closing the weekend and completing my month-long immersion into Noir there. I could not have enjoyed it more.

Insights: I have aligned myself with an opportunity to spend next year participating in a "Year to Live" program through Spirit Rock. I'm doing so with a mindset of further incorporating that awareness into my daily practice. It may help me connect to a broader community with a similar intention. Still, I am also making a conscious choice to make this a subconscious aspect of my daily interactions. I'm starting to feel this evolving into an innate sense of being, an undercurrent of peaceful presence, and less of a more public persona. The same goes for the Zen path. I want to dwell less on that and nurture a more 'by default' way of reacting to the various aspects of living, even with a challenging son or an occasional tire puncture.

Highlights: Adam's visit contributed to my lack of posts, as did my relative apathy. But writing has been going well. I dove deep into the beginning of the first rewrite of the first chapter, which is the first of many. As for highlights of the last few days, the TPS in the back right tire alerted me on Halloween night to the presence of what was found to be a 3" long metal screw. It was an effort to remove and patch the following morning, but all is well again. Our trip to Stanford to see "Ministry of Fear" proved rewarding. I'd never seen it. It was wonderful. Olivia's "surprise" arrival was spoiled by Mark's use of a stalking app, but it was still fun to have hosted. I can't recall any other points worth noting here.

Insights: I feel like a model train moving along its track with the back wheels of the last car off-track. I am restless. I must get aligned. What that is matters less to me than its effect. What I need is to remove the detours and delays.