Finally hit the target. Took far longer than expected though. In part it's likely due to mixing up plans/timelines and in part just not getting the macro's right. But I'm at least at the 1st milestone and that's really encouraging. Lauren spent the day at Pano, Jen was at Dao's and Tommy/I were at Matson. I got some traction on a few work tasks. I'm realizing that when I do throw myself into my job and get things done it feels really rewarding. I've always known that but it ebbs and flows. I feel the same way about keeping things in order and getting tasks completed around the house. Like today, scotchgard'ing the new sofa was not a task I relished doing but I did in less than a lunch hour and with with Tommy's help we got them out and back into the house so I could do it safely. The 3 cans were just enough. And a quick 'water' test confirmed it's working. Tommy and I picked up Lauren, grabbed In n Out and return to Matson. Watched the Frontline episode "United States of Conspiracy" and found it fascinating. Led me down a path to check out some podcasts and books by some of the people interview. Since I didn't sleep last night I'm hoping to make up for it tonight.

Having the kids at Matson all week continues and it's been pleasant. I think it's been a good opportunity for Tommy and Linda to have some space away from the routine conflicts, and he's been improving too in how he behaves. Picked up 50 or so 2-cup gasket-style sealing jar's that I'm passing on to Marissa and Nigel. Lauren ran with me to Ikea for a late-lunch outing as I was seeking outdoor cushion covers that ended us being out of stock. Tommy came shopping for food after work so he had a chance to get things he wanted, which makes it easier on me, and I managed to fast through the day with relative ease, and I'm nearing a goal I've wanted to be at for some time. Watched "Greyhound" and although it was visually exciting, it felt rushed and I did not really attach to the characters. On a sad note, Jay passed away today. It's a bit surreal trying to put it into perspective. We had a decent relationship throughout my marriage to his sister, but he was prone to be elusive and distant too. I have always been amazed at how long he managed to survive with the transplants and such, and this was an inevitability that he had the good fortune to stall for a decade or more. Tommy expressed some sincere upset and emotions while Lauren seemed more at peace and slightly less impacted by it. For me, even though I would not expect it in return, it's sad to see his life conclude and a reminder that time is indeed limited. I want to leave as much 'good' behind as possible, myself, and I am focusing for the moment on the good experiences and memories I have of his life and respect for our shared humanity.

I really feel like the state of California extorts me every two years to get a smog certificate for a 2012 vehicle. I understand that 70s and 80s vehicles may be questionable, but really.., $50+ every 2 years to verify that my car is compliant, when it's literally built to be so?

Took Lauren to manage the dog sitting at Pano, then back and then back to Vasona for day two of work. This is day 1 of our 'weeklong staycation' during which Tommy and Lauren are able to be at Matson all week. It'll be interesting to see how things go during work days. I suspect Lauren will be bored but I'll be as accessible as possible to run them places as long as I can ensure work task are managed properly. Scottie yacked up dinner in both our and Lauren's rooms which I stepped in, in each instance, the 1st being particularly messy. Not sure why, but will keep and eye on him. The new couch and table are great, really enjoying them. Hoping trash pickup will gracefully handle the overflowing cardboard. We'll see tomorrow. Had a great lunch with Rosendo and Marya in San Mateo at ROAM. Good burgers and good conversation too. Watched 1st episode of "Filthy Rich" documentary about Jeffrey Epstein. Vinny back again and he, Tommy and Caden did another round of light-trail photography, looking fwd to seeing it. Also hoping tomorrow to get some time helping Mom w/her computer recovering steps.

Vinny M stayed over w/Tommy. I got up by 7 and set out to clear the living room and dining room for new table and sofa. Had coffee, walked the dog and dove into dragging out all of the dining room chairs and armchair, Wrestled with the weight and size of the dining room table, sans leaf, with Jennifer, when suddenly Tommy appeared and helped carry it solo past the gate and too the driveway. I miss being that strong! I then recruited Tommy and Vinny's help getting the couch out in advance of Lindsey. The table and sofa then got dropped and the team was quick and polite, and I gave them $10 for "bagels and coffee" or whatever. They were great. Vinny helped us put the table together and Lindsey/Ryan came and grabbed the old sofa shortly after the furniture drop was over and shortly before I ran Lauren to Vasona for her 1st workday at the boat house. Dropped Vinny and chatted a bit with Mark and Wendy. Returned to Matson and we unpacked the rest. Dining room chairs and the sectional. I love it. Good use of the living room space. We all picked up Lauren, got them Jamba and returned home. Jen took the 4 massive steaks we just got at Costco and seasoned them, Lauren/I prepped corn and mushrooms and others stuff. I fired up the BBQ and took Lauren to quickly attend to neighbor's dogs on Panorama while Jen started cooking the steaks. We were returning, all ready for a great meal, when Jen called and conveyed the details around the BBQ fire. Bottom section (with propane tank) somehow caught fire. Greasepan was off/spilled it seams. Tommy jumped in and helped via Fire Extinquisher. Go glad it was caught, so glad it was stopped and so very glad nothing far more dipterous happened beyond needing to toss an old BBQ and recharger a fire extinguisher. Jen took kids for takeout and returned with Burger Pit Ribeye. Nice gesture. Lauren and I returned to Pano neighbor to walk the dogs, Tommy hung at Caden's. Jen/Lauren and Isetup the 'cube' configuration for movie watching and watched 1st half of "Farenheight 451". My dad loved Bradbury and I enjoyed much of his work as well in my late teens. Got sleepy, so we'll finish it tomorrow.  No news on the JP front means good news. And Linda did agreed to my having kids for 1 full week starting tomorrow, which will allow Tommy to hopefully get some space to chill out and rethink how he approaches his relationship with his mom. It'd be great if he could learn patience, but look who's talking.

Card game on Wed went well. Well enough to broaden our players next time around. Got a good deal on a getaway for August, and conceded to dropping some funds on new sofa and dining room table that'll be arriving tomorrow. Had tension/conflicts w/Linda again over Tommy's coming to my home without permission or warning, which I tried to balance responses to. Jay's likely not to make it through the night. Lauren said Linda and Chris aran't speaking because of Jennifer and I. That's ridiculous. All the assumptions and accusations and such are so pointless and I lament not being able to be seemed for what I do, not what I did or did not do. Vinny's over w/Tommy and they did some awesome night photography w/burning steel wool and open shutter. Lauren works at Vasona tomorrow, 1st day, gonna take her a Jamba Juice when picking her up. Lindsey is picking up the old couch, have interest in the table too via NextDoor.

For all I felt I accomplished  yesterday, today was a stall. Yes I went into work and ensured the last day at RWC was managed, and I dropped Lauren at Pano while Tommy hung at Matson. But L felt off and unbalanced. I did later get to the wine closet task that was missed over the weekend nd that felt good. But in general, i’ve felt unmoivated and lethargic. Maybe the diet has my energy leels down or i’m just not sleeping well enough. But something was off. Lauren had fun going to Santa Cruz with Viktoria. It’s rewarding watching her growing more independent.Tommy finished and delivered a video edit that took him a long time. Listened to the new “Chicks” release “gaslighter” and I was struck by the lyrics of several songs. I can only imagine a few would be ones Linda would write about me. It drives home how each experience can be so subjective and have so many inherent biases and assumptions. Still, the pain in the lyrics hit a nerve.

The kids arrived after 10am but not via their mom. Lauren had stayed w/Vijtoria last night and Tommy was at Caden's. Vijtoria dropped Lauren who proceeded to share the details of a midnight pool outing and police intervention. Tommy arrived a bit after her and enjoyed the story. I indicated I had a long list of things I wanted to get done around the house and the parallel task surfaced of planting a herb garden so I went along with that too. It took a few stops but we finally got what was needed after going to 3 different places. Although I didn't get the wine cellar revamped or investigate the wire in my CRV the list of what did get done is longer than the list that didn't. The patio lights are now nicely strung w/a guide wire across the patio sofa, I recovered my mom's problematic backup drive, I put away all of the residual camping gear, I mowed the rest of the front lawn, I dug out and replaced the sprinkler head I chopped off unintentionally (and with a lower profile one, too), I properly re-hung the bug light, I moved the washer/dryer for pickup out to the street with Tommy's help, and Jen and Lauren got the herb garden started too, and we positioned it in front where a short hose (forthcoming) will help us keep it alive. Jen lovingly agreed to make me a basil/tomato/mozerella pizza and she made the favorite teriyaki chicken for the kids/us. It was delicious. It always is. She's such a great cook. The dog also got a bath and trimmed hair around mouth which was becoming a problem for him. And we took a mountain drive to just get out for a bit. We got home to fridge leak again so I got to work removing back panels and finding a massively iced over and clogged drain therein. I removed all the ice and tried to ensure the path was clear for drainage. We'll see how it worked soon enough. Finally, after all that focus and effort, I relaxed on the patio and enjoyed the lights. They seem to attract bugs a bit more there but it's far enough overhead that I don't think it'll be a big problem. I have to be at work tomorrow 8am for the next step in the exit of the suite. I'll work out getting the couches Tuesday or Thursday. Kids are coming tomorrow am to hang out. They'll be board but so be it. It was a good day for accomplishments but also for practicing balance between expectations and realities. I found myself frustrated by delays and demands but also know that I'd rather have them than not, and I get as much help in return in many ways from the kids and Jen. I'm so grateful for them.

 

Ended up not going into RWC today as planned. Realized that doing so tomorrow and with more insight into the plans for vacating and hardware removal would be better. Also, Adam comes tomorrow and Jen’s excited, but a bit concerned about him being comforable at our house. It’s reminiscent of how I went through a moderately similar situation in my late teens when living at home still, and my mom having a boyfriend. I  had to come to grips with the realization that parents are people too. There’s a point in which a relationship between a parent and child transforms intos an adult-adult one, predominently. I recall that and believe that lies ahead for Jen and Adam. I setup the initial patio lights as a trial and realized quickly that i need more and a canopy vs a border setup, so that’ll be done this week. I gave Lauren her diamond earrings and she loved them. Its something I wanted to do since she first got the piercing. Tommy and I got into a fight and he later apologized and said it’s the tension from Pano overflowing into our relationship when it should not. I tried to maintain a neutral position whie allowing him to express his feelings. I simply said we (Lauren too) could and should do all we can to Foster a more positive environment. I wish I could convey To her how things are working against her buT i’m dismissed or blamed, or both. Ended the day listening to an “In the studio” session with John Mellencamp discussing “The Lonesome Jubilee”. I enjoy his perspective and take on society, people, government, media and more.

Catching up after several days afk. Pinecrest camping trip was a welcome break from tech. Forced by circumstances I relished doing nothing for as much time as I could. Tommy opt'd to stay w/his friends at their campground over ours and that was fine with me. Lauren and I enjoyed the spacious tent. Air Mattress worked great, far better than any other option so far. New sleeping bags also proved effective, one more than the other so return and swap already initiated for next time. I enjoyed our 4.5m walk around the lake but it also tested my stamina and then some. Still, after resting up we hit the lake on a kayak. And did it over again the next day, too. (Kayak, not hike). We made efforts to hang with Tommy but most of the time he was pretty much in the 'friends zone' w/Karl and Gavin and as stated before, fine by me. I support that as it's how I would have played it at 16. Lauren kicked ass at starting the fire herself without my help, and she's looking to go camping w/her friend soon for some solo time this summer and I'll work w/her to find something close by that she can hit for a few days. It's great recognizing her growing independence, but I routinely have to remind myself having to stop trying to intervene. She's fully capable. We took a great drive past PC and Strawberry and towards the Sonora Pass but had to stop when I realized I was at a modest risk of not finding fuel stations to refill and return… so we'll have to try again next time. She/I returned yesterday afternoon, dropped her at her mom's and caught up w/Jen while unpacking and getting ready for the work day ahead. Great night's sleep last night, much needed, good work day and great PM 5 way card game w/friends. Setting up a bi-weekly schedule to expand to the extended "big dogs" crew next week. Ended the day watching some fascinating and enlightening documentaries about 'corporate media' and the scope of control being exerted by corporations on the communications industry. It's pretty eye opening and obvious once you look at it, but the powers that be are not necessarily focused on people over profit. I'm enjoying working w/Jen to find reliable data sources and defensible positions, especially after her mom's issues w/what she called Liberal Media, when that's certainly not what the mainstream media is, at all. It's good to be more informed, but I wish I had more insight at a younger age.

Spent the early morning getting things finished and into the car for the Pinecrest trip. Reminded Tommy on numerous occasions to do the same. Hours later when Carl and Eric arrived, we waited for him to follow through and complete. Sigh. Teens. I'm typically not a fan of camping. It usually feels like more work then return on the effort. But I'm thinking this will be a better trip because I caved and bought air mattresses and took the time to pack up enough things to make the experience pleasant. Still minimal, but more pleasant than a cot or a sleeping pad that ends up being the reason I can't get a good nights sleep. Carl and Tommy will probably be spending the majority of their time in and on the water. I'm expecting to have a lot of time with Lauren to go walking through nature and hiking and of course finding options for ice cream. I'm glad I'm going because I know that it makes a difference to Tommy and he enjoys having me with him and I enjoy being there. It should be a great balance. Although I'm taking a Kindle for the purposes of reading, I'll be off the grid and I'm looking forward to a few days of no technology. I need a break from screens.

Still in a cranky mood today. I'm sure part of it is work related stress and frustration. Went into RWC today to meet with "Summit Riser" about service needs and meet w/DPD to review HW to keep or not. Good to see him after so long and good to see his recovery progressing. What a tough road but prognosis is all good. That's nice. Grabbed some camping chairs and lantern en route to office. Got all the work done by 2pm and headed back, getting Tommy en route after some apparent issues between he and his mom. Again. And his frustrations get taken out on me. Again. It's such a difficult situation and taxing on all of us. I need to keep that in mind. He's pressing for his drivers permit too but we need him to have taken some class first, so I'll arrange that next week. Meanwhile I'm going to gave and give into the need to buy air mattresses for the pinecrest trip. Found reasonable cost on Walmart and 90day return policy too which makes me feel reasonably protected from surprises. Cots and Mats don't cut it. I'm looking forward to a few days away.

Roomba vs shoe. (Ended in a tie.)

 

Mixed bag over the past couple of days. 4th was low key day. Enjoyed a fun game-night with Tabitha and Joe, playing "Oh Hell" and then learning Hanabi. Fireworks had Scottie completely trembling and freaked out. Don't know if the Thunder Shirt helped or not, and if so, it was reductive not preventative. Weight loss stalled/reversed which sent me into a funk I'm still not out of. I resent the hell out of having spent a week focused aggressively on loss only to see it wiped out by two days of unexplained gain. Cycles, adaptations, muscle mass, blah blah fucking blah. I'm furious still, and over only the the 'loss of progress' that I still don't fully understand, but the lack of access to anything substantive that can explain it. In this and pretty much anything any more, finding a reliable source of truth is next to impossible, it's all opinion, observation and experience ... but "your milage may vary". Yesterday I was in a shitty mood most of the day, brought about by the aforementioned as well as trying to juggle various craigalist efforts to give away old outdoor seating, sell two other items, and to buy a replacement washer/dryer for the house due to the limitations and increasing unreliability of those had, and the reality that my ability and confidence in fixing them did not magically make the time to do so appear out of thin air. Happily found an awesome. Had to burn a full day though waiting to rent a truck from Home Depot due to shortage and mechanical issues on what they had. My tendency to constantly initiate 3 or more parallel tasks works against my goal of a simpler life. I'm grateful that the people in my life tolerate my sporadic irritations and impatience. It's nice to feel accepted and understood. Tommy spent the evening/night w/Talon and friends so it was Jen/Lauren/I solo last night/today. I'm re-joining the work force today and have a full plate of task to keep in motion and/or initiate, which will likely be my dominate focus. I'm going to try and set aside distractions and not spin up too many other parallel tasks.

Got up early to watch Hamilton w/Lauren and Jen. It was wonderful and really well filmed. I'll still go see it performed live again, any day, but the way they captured this performance with the original cast was  powerful. It hit all the familiar chords and emotions. Dinner at Dry Creek w/Matt, back to Matson for a shot on the patio. Nice evening.

Highlights of my day, my birthday today, include several friends wishing me well, including a call from KB which really made my day. Tab and Joe sent me a bottle of Whiskey that I'm anxious to try as soon as I can. Although I didn't hit the goal I had set for today, I hit the lowest point I've been at for over a full year, and my resolve has been cemented.. Kids and I had Andale lunch and we all went to Cetrella for dinner. Seeing Lauren having the chance to really have a truly gourmet meal was a joy. Tommy's had outings w/Carl but this was a new level for her and she loved it.

Enjoyed the day off. Got a lot of 'backlogged tasks' checked off around the house. Returns packed/shipped, ink refilled, tools put away, and all sorts of micro-tasks. I kept having two things in progress and a third would come to mind. Summer patio is falling into place w/some continuous adjustments. Looks like I'm going to give away the two chairs and the 3 seat sofa with ottoman. Gonna just post on CL fo $100 but will give away for free. Just asking for $ to weed out the resellers and borders. Kids are here and with me all day tomorrow. I hope to just enjoy a calm leisurely day without demand, and a pleasant dinner at Cetrella.