Friday, August 31, 2007

Legoland Stacks Up



With the kids reaching four, they’re finally able to travel well, and to benefit from/enjoy the things we might see or do on a family vacation. Provided, of course, the trip is targeted to their age, interests and attention span. Paris was, of course, right out of the question, as was London, and New York as well. After whittling down the options, it was clear there was only one choice for a summer-time family trip destination. Turkey. Unfortunately, that idea didn’t float well with the wife, although my brother-in-law James is going now instead (have fun, Jay! And remember to securely strap the hashish to your stomach in small flat aluminum packages when flying back to the USA), The only option left was (gulp) Legoland.


We’ve returned tonight and, to my surprise, we all had a great time. Myself included. (And yes, those of you who’d engaged in our manhood retention pact, this is indeed one of the agreed upon signs to trigger my assassination. In accordance with the terms of our contractual arrangements, my mere attendance of a performance of “Swan Lake” or any mention of a trip with my wife where we can take advantage of “the great Day Spas they have to offer”, merits your immediate action.)


My wife, the ever skilled event planner and vacation coordinator, worked her butt off to pull together a great event for the kids. The park was actually ideal for them, and they loved all the things they got to do, from the rides, the shows, and the massive water park they have called “Pirate Shores”, they had an excellent time and we did as well. We had a two-day pass which allowed us to really take the time necessary to check out as much as possible without being pressed for time. So we could kill 30 minutes building lego castles with drawbridges and such without worrying about getting to the next event.


My favorite part: Taking them on their first Rollercoaster ever! And it was not even a total ‘kiddie’ version, it was just a notch above. My daughter could not stop giggling and laughing. Priceless!


Legos of the Round Table



I’ve seen this before, but had long since forgotten it until reminiscing with the kids today about our Legoland trip. I went searching for some video’s of Lego’s that they’d enjoy watching. And came across this. A “cut for cut” remake of the “Knights of the Round Table” song from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail“. Well, almost “cut for cut”; watch for a nod to “Dead Parrot” hidden within.


Friday, August 24, 2007

An Escape From Typos

You’d think that, after working at here and breathing everything Apple for decades, I’d pretty much know all there is to know about Mac OS and all the little tips and tricks of the trade. “Novice” users typically watch me in amazement when I work, asking “How’d you do that?” every minute or two. So you can imagine my surprise to stumble across something that’s likely documented somewhere, but I’ve never caught it until today. So I’m posting it to share.



It turns out that, along with the oft used feature of control-clicking a selected word to spellcheck or look up the definition of it, you can hit ‘esc’ when you’ve partially type a word, select the word from a list of words that being with the typed letters, and continue on with your writing.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Are You Lurking At Me?

I can’t help but wonder who’s reading these posts. I’d noticed a spike in my website hits last fall, and the stats continue to surprise me. The number of unique daily visits I’m getting here are well and above the handful or two of friends and family I’d expect to have some moderate degree of interest. Well above. I’m not even close to the ‘real world’ of active websites, where the traffic I get in a month is akin to the hits they see before 7am every day, but I’m definitely getting more eyes then I can comprehend personally knowing, let alone pairs that’d care what i have to write about on any given day.



It’s very complimentary. And a little freaky, too.



Of the 10-20 or so people i might imagine visiting this site, most have, at one time or another, left a comment or written me an email or talked to me about something I’ve written. So that leaves about 80% of the entry views being of unaccounted origin.



Some are probably casual readers, stopping by due to some misplaced search result, but I suspect there’s more. I suspect there’s people out there, friends, ex-friends, old flames, or casual acquaintances that enjoy reading my occasional rant, or more likely, enjoy watching me squirm with my own inner demons. I think they visit frequently enough, read what I have to say while standing perfectly still, breathing as quietly as possible so as not to make a sound or alert me to their presence.



Fortunately, the voices in my head tell me it’s just my imagination. And I trust them. Well, all but one of them, anyway.



;-)

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Flashing Lights

You know you’re a parent when you do a double-take at the office because you thought you caught a co-worker's shoes flashing red lights with each step, as do many shoes for toddlers these days.

You know you work at Apple when you’re right.

Monday, August 20, 2007

A Nostalgic Gesture


Recently, while driving home one evening, I was witness to a specific “hand gesture” made by a driver. A gesture that I’ve not seen used in a car for some time, and it triggered a poignant sense of longing for the days of my childhood. No, the hand gesture was not the use of a single digit as you’d typically experience these days. The gesture was a right hand turn indication, done by the driver by extending his left arm out and upwards. We all know it, at least I expect we do, as it remains a part of the DMV Driver’s Handbook and testing to this day and is still used by motorcycles and cyclists. But I don’t know that anybody really uses it in cars anymore, except for those that who forced to do so due to issues with their vehicles turn signals, or simply due to their age and habitual attachment to it.


I remember it, though. I remember it vividly.

I can still see it, from the vantage point of sitting behind the drivers seat of my father’s chocolate brown Peugeot. I can still smell the musty aged scent of leaking oil that burned off the engine as the fumes crept into the passenger section. I can feel the strained rumbling of the engine as it would unevenly idle at stop lights, and I can hear the rattling of the loose fitting windows as they vibrated in time to the motion of the pistons. I can feel the aged and cracking leather seats beneath my legs, the minor crevasses revealing an aging yellow padding, inviting a young boy with restless fingers to mindlessly pick away at the opening while trying to maintain the appearance of sitting idle within the scope of the rear view mirror. I can see the dusty woodgrained console, the large balled shifter between the two front seats, and my father’s worn and tattered tan attache case, the corner folds of the openings echoing the same distress as the seats upon which I sit.



Look at this thing. Could it be more “Bond”?


I see the close cut hair on the back of his neck, the worn crew neck white t-shirt that symbolized a Saturday of lawn care, sporadic errands, and on the rare occasion, a stop at “Cupids“. I can still make out the dark sun tan along his forearm as it extended routinely out the window, peppered with freckles. It’d rest along the top edge of the door when not in use, but instinctively jut out when turning left, up when turning right, and routinely draw back inside to momentarily position the burning Kent cigarette to his mouth before being returned to it’s resting position against the surface of the door.


I don’t recall if the vehicle didn’t have signals, or if it did but they were defective. I suspect it was simply a habitual reflex. I’m almost certain, as I remember seeing that same series of gestures when riding in his Triumph as well as other cars to follow.


Seeing the man in the car ahead of me took me back to those moments. It was almost as if I was watching him again. And it gave me cause to contemplate the eventual demise of my father’s generation, and with it, that habit and that direct experience association. The fact is that, at one time, this was simply how it was done. It wasn’t until the 40’s that cars started to have them, so it was likely something he picked up from observation or necessity. If you’ll pardon the unintentional pun, it’s something he and his peers learned to do ‘first hand’.


But that’s fading away. Along with so many things that have come and gone, and served their purpose, replaced and improved upon, it’ll gradually go the way of the tube driven television and radio, the rabbit ear antennas, and the reel-to-reel tape player I saw on in our living room shelves. The heavy leather attachΓ©s of their time are all but gone with the exception of the occasional spotting at an antique stores. The large cast iron and steel Underwood Typewriter? That’s a piece of history as well, right along side the relative predominance of a true fountain pen.


And as things are improved and these old items become obsolete, the people that knew them as a way of life gradually age and pass away, taking with them another piece of the fabric that not only knows our history, but actually lived it.


It’ll happen to us as well, but in the mean time, in the interest of keeping alive the legacy and the respect for the heritage, take time to reflect on how many things that were a part of our childhood, or that of our parents, are completely removed from the experience of today.


It’s humbling to consider at will, let alone at a moments notice, when an obscure gesture bring about a nostalgic reminiscence of a “time not quite gone by” just yet, but clearly on it’s way.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

Crossing A Comedic Line



True story: My wife takes an online I.Q. test. She shares her results and tells me I should take it too. I do, and to her surprise, finish with a 10 point lead on her score. “How’d you get 10 points more than me?” She asks. And without missing a beat, I reply “At the beginning of the test, I checked the box marked “Male”.


If you’re a man, you’re laughing. If you’re a married man you’re likely filing this away in your head for your own use when the opportunity presents itself. If you’re neither, you’re glaring at my website right now with the same “Drop dead, asshole” look I got when I first said this.


It was a joke! How can I have turned away such a perfectly timed setup?


Opportunities like these, you don’t pass up.


And yes, I’m still apologizing.


Thursday, August 16, 2007

Two Poorly Executed Decisions

Sometimes I just feel like there’s a bit of “George Costanza” in my daily life. I have these obscure and ironic little experiences that you’d naturally expect that Seinfeld character to get into and have to weasel out of. Case in point, the events of this afternoon in the Men’s room at work. While heading out at the end of the day, computer bag in hand, I decided to stop at the mens room before driving home. As I’ve mentioned before I’m a “stall” focused restroom user, preferring the handicapped stall over others, as it’s always easier to have the space to set down a brief case or other belongings out of “Harms Way”.

Having completed my brief visit, I started to buckle my belt, but I found it difficult to do so with my shirt, the type that hangs out un-tucked, in my way. So I placed the tip of the bottom of the shirt lightly between my teeth and quickly buckled and zipped.

Only to find that the shirt was terribly absorbent and/or I have a serious saliva issue. In either event, there i stood, ready to exit, with a big dark wet stain positioned at a point that would clearly indicate some rather roughshod and haphazard use of the facilities on my part. It looked like I pissed on my shirt.

I rolled my eyes at the situation, figured I’d just have to conceal it on the way out, and envisioned writing this post about the whole thing and making light of it. In fact, I figured what better way to illustrated the situation then snapping a photo with my iPhone of my freshly stained shirt.

And i did just that. I took the iPhone, turned on the camera, made my best guess alignment and pushed the shutter button.

CLICK” went the audible shutter sound of the iPhone.

Did I mention I was not the only person in the restroom?

There was a guy seated in the stall next to me. A guy oblivious to any of the humor behind the events transpiring in the stall to his left. A guy who’s only point of reference was the sound and vision of shuffling feet, a modest snorting of irony, and then the sound of a camera shutter being triggered.

I left as quickly as possible.

A Relatively Routine News Story Hits Home

I still try to maintain some degree of “connection” to the events of the world around me. That’s not an easy task. I have more than my share of demands on my time, as do we all, so taking time to contemplate the daily news and all the things that happen to all the other people in all the other places around the world is not my natural inclination. I usually have to make an effort to do so.
For example, take an event from this week week in Salem, Oregon. If you’re not a part of that community, or if you don’t know anybody living there, the discovery of a woman’s body on an early morning by a dog walker in a neighborhood park, would not ring a bell. I’m certain that, every month in every city in every state of our country, things like this happen, they’re news for a day or two, they impact the locals momentarily, and things move forward with little or no consequences. This stuff seems common place enough that it doesn’t make the ‘mainstream’ media. Why would it? It happens all the time. Right?
But sometimes, one can make a connection if they stop long enough, regardless of whether or not they’re personally involved, and consider the incident with less detachment. The broader and more dramatic the events, such as school shootings, famine related deaths and systematic genocide clearly strike harder and louder than say, in comparison, the discovery a a lone body as in this story. But ultimately, there’s something to be learned about our own lives, our humanity, and our how we’re all somehow connected, through such a circumstance.
I’ve had a personal recollection about a trip I made to this very area of Salem outlined in my ‘drafts to polish and publish‘ collection of website entries for some time. I’m now completing it, prompted by this particular story and the whole theme of connections. I’m actually staying up all night if that’s what it takes. This is that important to me. I have to act on this now. It’s a long one, one that took place over 15 years ago. And it’s all true.
It’s brought to it’s completion now by the simple observation, if not the hope, that the otherwise “routine events” such as the one mentioned above can give us all a reason to reflect a bit more on them when they happen, and how directly or indirectly, they might impact our lives.
I hope you’ll read on.

The Background
My Aunt Violet and her daughter lived in Salem. Violet passed away last year from Cancer, with my Mother and their sister Paula at her side. I’d only talked to her on rare occasions over the past few years, but I’d spent a full week with her and my cousin Monica back in 1991, when I took off for a 6 week adventure, driving a convertible Fiat to Alberta, Canada and back.
It was only my intention to stay and visit with them for a day, but when my transmission completely stopped functioning on the freeway, about 20 miles outside of Salem, my plans changed, and my visit lengthened. Unable to shift out of 2nd gear, I managed to make the long drive at a snails pace with hazard lights blinking and arrived at their door.
Monica and her son Derrick lived with Violet at the time. Violet opened her home to me for the duration of time it took for me to get my car fixed. Monica’s boyfriend, Jimmy, who drove a red SUV bearing the same name, had some ‘connections’ with mechanics and offered to help me find a good deal on the repair costs. It was a trying time, as I was not working and had no steady income, so finances were tight, but my options were limited and I was en route to meet some good friends in Calgary for some exploring of the Alberta wilderness. A rendezvous I wanted to keep. And with the delay of the week, I still had a chance of making it.
In between arranging for the repairs and awaiting parts, I spent time with Violet and her partner C.J., taking about family and life experiences, and with Monica and Jimmy, hanging out drinking where Monica was waiting tables and going jet-skiing in a nearby river underneath the Center St. Bridge. Coincidentally, a bridge that was just a scant 2 miles away from the aforementioned park where that body was found earlier this week.
The Signs
In my earliest childhood, Violet had lived with us for some time, with Monica as a baby. My earliest clear and succinct memory is of Violet lifting me from a playpen. Monica was a playmate and always around for our family gatherings during those early years. During that week in Salem I’d gotten to know a bit more about Monica and Jimmy, and ended up getting caught up in an unexpected scam. Monica’s history included some drug related difficulties, but she’d cleaned up, was focused on caring for her son Derrick, and getting her life on track. Jimmy was an extremely likable guy, but I came to learn that many of their friends partied heavily, and he’d had his own struggles in this area as well.
I remember one particular stop we made one day in his red Jimmy. We went to see some friends of his at their house. It was in a run down part of town, and he was very direct in making me aware of the fact that they didn’t trust strangers, and not to do anything but come in, sit down, and wait for him. When we walked in there was one or two guys sitting on sofa’s and another standing in a kitchen opening. They were clearly agitated at my presence and Jimmy immediately assured them that I was cool, explaining the relation and calming their nerves. Then Jimmy and the third guy disappeared for what seemed like at least an hour, while I sat there with Zeek and Zed, afraid to say a word, the sound of a clock ticking echoing in my head, poised and ready to run out the door at the first sign of trouble.
The Setup
Jimmy did eventually return and we left promptly. On the drive back he explained that they were growing a crop of marijuana in the basement. A crop of what he refereed to as “The Kind”, a premium and highly valuable strain of cannabis. He detailed out all the little nuances of how they had to manage growing, containing power usage which sets off flags at the Electric Company, and how much money there was to be made. We talked about this in detail over beers, steaks and baked potatoes at a nearby strip bar. Yes, I actually sat ring side as a pole dancer gyrated above me while I cut through a fat riddled overcooked sirloin and ate a butter soaked spud while discussing the intricacies of growing and selling pot. And the money to be made. It was like something out of a Soprano’s episode.
And I was being “Had”. And at the time, the opportunity to get “in on the ground floor” of a potential 10x return on the investment of as little as $1,000 seemed like an ideal situation for somebody out of work and taking time to adventure a little. I didn’t see it as a big moral deal, although I’m a little more conscious of this today. At the time I figured that I’d be in the harmless and removed position of doing a bit of advanced funding, reaping significant returns with little or no risk.
If it’d just been Jimmy laying this out to me I’d have been less inclined to get involved, but I talked in length with Monica about it, and she assured me this was a great opportunity, a relative sure-thing. Pun intended. And with those reassurances and the potential, I took the bait.
The Take
When I returned from completing my trip to Canada and back, I got a call from Jimmy saying they were starting the effort and I needed to send the $1,000.00. I’d like to pretend to have been apprehensive about doing so and wary about the risks, but I didn’t think there were any and I’d removed myself from any direct association from the actions. I was rationalizing, true. But I did move forward and I did send the money.
About two weeks later I received a call from a very upbeat sounding Jimmy. Things were going well, they were getting everything in place and this was going to be a big payoff. But they needed more money to front things, as it’d been more costly up front then expected. Now, I started to get nervous. I asked to talk to Monica, and she walked me through the situation, assuring me that this was still a sure thing and all was going well, and that they’d not take advantage of family and risk my investment if it were not a certain win. So with some trepidation but remaining desirous that this all worked out, I gulped and sent another $1,000.00.
The Drop
Two weeks later and I’d not heard anything in return. My calls were not returned when messages were left and the phone was typically not answered. I was stuck and I couldn’t risk her Mom getting wise to my being involved in something unsavory, so I had to contain the desperation of my efforts to reach them and find out what was happening.
Eventually, several weeks down the line, I did manage to catch Jimmy on the phone. He was as upbeat as usual, very positive and optimistic, while I was pissed off and intensely freaked out. I all but demanded my money be returned, pressing to the point that he clearly stopped trying to contain my concerns and flat out said I’d have to wait and let this come together as planned.
That was the last time I talked to him. I’ve never talked to her or seen her again since then. And that was over 15 years ago.
The Fallout
I learned within the year that she and Jimmy were doing drugs again, and she was in and out of jail and rehab programs. I’ve carried a grudge about it to this very day. I felt betrayed beyond words, that somebody I shared infancy with, childhood with and blood with might go so far as to con me.
In many ways, the whole situation reminded me of the movie “Drugstore Cowboy”, where the main characters are junkies, and where there’s absolutely nothing of value to them beyond the next high. Responsibly does not exist and funding a fix is the driving force in their lives. Family connections are not important, hell, friends and co-junkies are disposable, as illustrated by the scene in which a character portrayed by Heather Graham OD’s, and their only action is to abandon the body in a home they broke into.
The Connection
When I’ve thought of Monica and Jimmy, I’ve been reminded of these characters. And when I’d hear stories of her through the family grapevine, of her drug abuse, I’d have an almost “serves you right” view on things. Yet still, when I’d hear she was trying to clean up, I’d empathetically wish her well in my mind, still angry at the betrayal but compassionate enough to recognize that there’s an illness and addiction at work.
I’ve long since gotten over the loss of the money, and accepted the betrayal. Only now, I have to accept her death.
The body found in the park this week was Monica. My cousin. She was 43 years old. She was found face up off a trail by a dog walker. The circumstances were reported as “Suspicious” as there were no signs of harm or abuse. She was just there. Dead.
A toxicology report has yet to be submitted and it’ll take several weeks. Sadly, I can’t help but assume it’ll be drug related. From what I last heard, heroin possession was her last reported offense. And given the brief exposure I’ve had to the people I met during that trip, the image of her being abandoned or discarded after OD’ing would not surprise me. In fact if it’s not something along those lines, I’ll feel a great relief that my worst assumptions were incorrect.
This was her mother’s worst nightmare. And for that, I’m glad she didn’t live to see it happen.
The Reflection
I don’t know quite how to process this, or how to feel. To be brutally honest, I’m a bit detached. We were not close at all, and yet we were family. And due to this unique situation and that experience years ago, we shared not only a swingset as children but a betrayal of trust as adults. One I often wondered if she ever thought of or regretted. I’ll never know.
And although I’m still not quite feeling a personal sense of loss, like every other person that falls to such a fate, we also shared a core human potential. Something that, for whatever reasons, she was unable to reach or at least to maintain. Something that I believe exists in every case like this. But this time, this person, I knew. I was around her as a toddler while she was an infant. This case, like them all, was at one time, very innocent, and barring some chemical or biological trait, not pre-destined to end up meeting an end such as this.
What hits me the hardest through this is less of an emotional reaction on family level, but more of the thought that every time a small news story of this type comes and goes, life goes on for most of us except for a few, who’s lives will be forever changed. Such as that of her son, and her surviving father Bud. And also for me. This will leave an impression that lasts longer and deeper then the loss of some transient funds or the sense of betrayal that was, in the grand scheme of things, more the result of any number of events in her own life that brought her to take that action, and to ultimately arrive at this conclusion as well.
Perhaps, in a positive way, things like this could impact more then just a few people. Perhaps, taking the time to absorb and consider the bigger picture the next time something like this crosses your path, being that of the greater human potential, of all the various circumstances, environments, choices and outcomes that play into a final outcome like this, might give us a stronger sense of appreciation for those around us, and the opportunities we’ve had and can create that spare us from being just another local story.
I don’t know. I’m tired, it’s late, and I’m sorting this all out.
But I do know, as I said in the beginning, that it’s not my natural inclination to really attach to or connect to things at this level and think about the big picture. But I’m making an effort to do so.
More so tonight then I have in some time.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The Heat Behind A Hotly Debated Topic

I’m back on the soap box, if only for a moment or two, to post and pass along the opportunity to read an interesting article about the controversies around the Global Warming “Debate”. I put debate in quotes to highlight the fact that it’s ludicrous. There is no “Debate”. And as I recently discussed in an email conversation and recent dinner exchange with my wonderful brother in law Chris, I’ll take the consensus of NASA, The National Academy of Science, The National Weather Service and numerous other established and respected institutions over some crack-pot squacking nay-sayer spewing doubt from of some remote location in the backwoods. Perhaps a ram-shackled and abandoned cabin with a wobbly and buckshot-riddled mailbox bearing the name “T. Kaczynski”.

Spare me. Arguing against the existence of humans causing indisputable global warming is as pointless and inane as trying to defend the Bush presidency. [pick one].

And what’s even more unbelievable and what really gets to me is this… how and why did this ever get to be a partisan issue? What do political leanings have to do with a stance on accepting or rejecting majority findings and validation of scientific information? And why does it seem that there’s a propensity of right wing republican pundits on the radio and news programs all rolling their eyes and scoffing at the situation, while being conscious and concerned results in one being labeled as a liberal democrat?

This article answers some of those questions.

Fortunately, the scoffing is dying down, and the rationalization has shifted from “There is no problem” to “There is a problem but it’s natural and not our doing” to “There is a problem and we have played a part but it won’t be a big deal“. Rationalize much? Heard the one about the river in Egypt?

Well, I’m gonna try, because deep down I really love and respect him a great deal, to toss this over the fence to my BIL. I don’t expect he’ll read it without a biased opinion, as I would about anything he’d send my way refuting this, but I would ask that a reasonable doubt be given and he at least consider it to be a possible truth, enough that he’d look further for more info in order to make a truly educated decision, as I feel I have and did when he first directed me to disputes on the topic. He once commented on a post of mine:


“it’s you who wants so badly to believe it’s true that you mention every shred of inconsequential proof to fuel your justification”


I would argue that there’s more then a “Critical Mass” of scientific proof, far from inconsequential, supporting the facts. I would also go so far as to point out that the detractors are being exposed to be the ones peddling inconsequential proof that fails to hold up under the challenge of critical analysis.

I also want to share the thoughts I expressed in a recent email exchange regarding the need to take action, regardless of the issue being confirmed or disputed. The point I made in closing was a choice of the following logical options:

 



  1. We do nothing, there’s no problem = things continue as they have for decades.



  1. We do nothing, there IS a problem = we’re screwed.



  1. We do something, there’s no problem = we’re reducing emissions and pollution anyway.



  1. We do something, there IS a problem = we’ve helped abate it.


By Sharon Begley


Seems to me there’s only one choice to make.

How close we are to, or how far beyond we are from the point of diminishing returns remains up for debate.



Newsweek – Aug. 13, 2007 issue –

Sen. Barbara Boxer had been chair of the Senate’s Environment Committee for less than a month when the verdict landed last February. “Warming of the climate system is unequivocal,” concluded a report by 600 scientists from governments, academia, green groups and businesses in 40 countries. Worse, there was now at least a 90 percent likelihood that the release of greenhouse gases from the burning of fossil fuels is causing longer droughts, more flood-causing downpours and worse heat waves, way up from earlier studies. Those who doubt the reality of human-caused climate change have spent decades disputing that. But Boxer figured that with “the overwhelming science out there, the deniers’ days were numbered.” As she left a meeting with the head of the international climate panel, however, a staffer had some news for her. A conservative think tank long funded by ExxonMobil, she told Boxer, had offered scientists $10,000 to write articles undercutting the new report and the computer-based climate models it is based on. “I realized,” says Boxer, “there was a movement behind this that just wasn’t giving up.”

If you think those who have long challenged the mainstream scientific findings about global warming recognize that the game is over, think again. Yes, 19 million people watched the “Live Earth” concerts last month, titans of corporate America are calling for laws mandating greenhouse cuts, “green” magazines fill newsstands, and the film based on Al Gore’s best-selling book, “An Inconvenient Truth,” won an Oscar. But outside Hollywood, Manhattan and other habitats of the chattering classes, the denial machine is running at full throttle—and continuing to shape both government policy and public opinion.

Since the late 1980s, this well-coordinated, well-funded campaign by contrarian scientists, free-market think tanks and industry has created a paralyzing fog of doubt around climate change. Through advertisements, op-eds, lobbying and media attention, greenhouse doubters (they hate being called deniers) argued first that the world is not warming; measurements indicating otherwise are flawed, they said. Then they claimed that any warming is natural, not caused by human activities. Now they contend that the looming warming will be minuscule and harmless. “They patterned what they did after the tobacco industry,” says former senator Tim Wirth, who spearheaded environmental issues as an under secretary of State in the Clinton administration. “Both figured, sow enough doubt, call the science uncertain and in dispute. That’s had a huge impact on both the public and Congress.”

Just last year, polls found that 64 percent of Americans thought there was “a lot” of scientific disagreement on climate change; only one third thought planetary warming was “mainly caused by things people do.” In contrast, majorities in Europe and Japan recognize a broad consensus among climate experts that greenhouse gases—mostly from the burning of coal, oil and natural gas to power the world’s economies—are altering climate. A new NEWSWEEK Poll finds that the influence of the denial machine remains strong. Although the figure is less than in earlier polls, 39 percent of those asked say there is “a lot of disagreement among climate scientists” on the basic question of whether the planet is warming; 42 percent say there is a lot of disagreement that human activities are a major cause of global warming. Only 46 percent say the greenhouse effect is being felt today.

As a result of the undermining of the science, all the recent talk about addressing climate change has produced little in the way of actual action. Yes, last September Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger signed a landmark law committing California to reduce statewide emissions of carbon dioxide to 1990 levels by 2020 and 80 percent more by 2050. And this year both Minnesota and New Jersey passed laws requiring their states to reduce greenhouse emissions 80 percent below recent levels by 2050. In January, nine leading corporations—including Alcoa, Caterpillar, Duke Energy, Du Pont and General Electric—called on Congress to “enact strong national legislation” to reduce greenhouse gases. But although at least eight bills to require reductions in greenhouse gases have been introduced in Congress, their fate is decidedly murky. The Democratic leadership in the House of Representatives decided last week not even to bring to a vote a requirement that automakers improve vehicle mileage, an obvious step toward reducing greenhouse emissions. Nor has there been much public pressure to do so. Instead, every time the scientific case got stronger, “the American public yawned and bought bigger cars,” Rep. Rush Holt, a New Jersey congressman and physicist, recently wrote in the journal Science; politicians “shrugged, said there is too much doubt among scientists, and did nothing.”

It was 98 degrees in Washington on Thursday, June 23, 1988, and climate change was bursting into public consciousness. The Amazon was burning, wildfires raged in the United States, crops in the Midwest were scorched and it was shaping up to be the hottest year on record worldwide. A Senate committee, including Gore, had invited NASA climatologist James Hansen to testify about the greenhouse effect, and the members were not above a little stagecraft. The night before, staffers had opened windows in the hearing room. When Hansen began his testimony, the air conditioning was struggling, and sweat dotted his brow. It was the perfect image for the revelation to come. He was 99 percent sure, Hansen told the panel, that “the greenhouse effect has been detected, and it is changing our climate now.”

The reaction from industries most responsible for greenhouse emissions was immediate. “As soon as the scientific community began to come together on the science of climate change, the pushback began,” says historian Naomi Oreskes of the University of California, San Diego. Individual companies and industry associations—representing petroleum, steel, autos and utilities, for instance—formed lobbying groups with names like the Global Climate Coalition and the Information Council on the Environment. ICE’s game plan called for enlisting greenhouse doubters to “reposition global warming as theory rather than fact,” and to sow doubt about climate research just as cigarette makers had about smoking research. ICE ads asked, “If the earth is getting warmer, why is Minneapolis [or Kentucky, or some other site] getting colder?” This sounded what would become a recurring theme for naysayers: that global temperature data are flat-out wrong. For one thing, they argued, the data reflect urbanization (many temperature stations are in or near cities), not true global warming.

Shaping public opinion was only one goal of the industry groups, for soon after Hansen’s sweat-drenched testimony they faced a more tangible threat: international proposals to address global warming. The United Nations had scheduled an “Earth Summit” for 1992 in Rio de Janeiro, and climate change was high on an agenda that included saving endangered species and rain forests. ICE and the Global Climate Coalition lobbied hard against a global treaty to curb greenhouse gases, and were joined by a central cog in the denial machine: the George C. Marshall Institute, a conservative think tank. Barely two months before Rio, it released a study concluding that models of the greenhouse effect had “substantially exaggerated its importance.” The small amount of global warming that might be occurring, it argued, actually reflected a simple fact: the Sun is putting out more energy. The idea of a “variable Sun” has remained a constant in the naysayers’ arsenal to this day, even though the tiny increase in solar output over recent decades falls far short of explaining the extent or details of the observed warming.

In what would become a key tactic of the denial machine—think tanks linking up with like-minded, contrarian researchers—the report was endorsed in a letter to President George H.W. Bush by MIT meteorologist Richard Lindzen. Lindzen, whose parents had fled Hitler’s Germany, is described by old friends as the kind of man who, if you’re in the minority, opts to be with you. “I thought it was important to make it clear that the science was at an early and primitive stage and that there was little basis for consensus and much reason for skepticism,” he told Scientific American magazine. “I did feel a moral obligation.”

Bush was torn. The head of his Environmental Protection Agency, William Reilly, supported binding cuts in greenhouse emissions. Political advisers insisted on nothing more than voluntary cuts. Bush’s chief of staff, John Sununu, had a Ph.D. in engineering from MIT and “knew computers,” recalls Reilly. Sununu frequently logged on to a computer model of climate, Reilly says, and “vigorously critiqued” its assumptions and projections.

Sununu’s side won. The Rio treaty called for countries to voluntarily stabilize their greenhouse emissions by returning them to 1990 levels by 2000. (As it turned out, U.S. emissions in 2000 were 14 percent higher than in 1990.) Avoiding mandatory cuts was a huge victory for industry. But Rio was also a setback for climate contrarians, says UCSD’s Oreskes: “It was one thing when Al Gore said there’s global warming, but quite another when George Bush signed a convention saying so.” And the doubters faced a newly powerful nemesis. Just months after he signed the Rio pact, Bush lost to Bill Clinton—whose vice president, Gore, had made climate change his signature issue.

Groups that opposed greenhouse curbs ramped up. They “settled on the ‘science isn’t there’ argument because they didn’t believe they’d be able to convince the public to do nothing if climate change were real,” says David Goldston, who served as Republican chief of staff for the House of Representatives science committee until 2006. Industry found a friend in Patrick Michaels, a climatologist at the University of Virginia who keeps a small farm where he raises prize-winning pumpkins and whose favorite weather, he once told a reporter, is “anything severe.” Michaels had written several popular articles on climate change, including an op-ed in The Washington Post in 1989 warning of “apocalyptic environmentalism,” which he called “the most popular new religion to come along since Marxism.” The coal industry’s Western Fuels Association paid Michaels to produce a newsletter called World Climate Report, which has regularly trashed mainstream climate science. (At a 1995 hearing in Minnesota on coal-fired power plants, Michaels admitted that he received more than $165,000 from industry; he now declines to comment on his industry funding, asking, “What is this, a hatchet job?”)

The road from Rio led to an international meeting in Kyoto, Japan, where more than 100 nations would negotiate a treaty on making Rio’s voluntary—and largely ignored—greenhouse curbs mandatory. The coal and oil industries, worried that Kyoto could lead to binding greenhouse cuts that would imperil their profits, ramped up their message that there was too much scientific uncertainty to justify any such cuts. There was just one little problem. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, or IPCC—the international body that periodically assesses climate research—had just issued its second report, and the conclusion of its 2,500 scientists looked devastating for greenhouse doubters. Although both natural swings and changes in the Sun’s output might be contributing to climate change, it concluded, “the balance of evidence suggests a discernible human influence on climate.”

Faced with this emerging consensus, the denial machine hardly blinked. There is too much “scientific uncertainty” to justify curbs on greenhouse emissions, William O’Keefe, then a vice president of the American Petroleum Institute and leader of the Global Climate Coalition, suggested in 1996. Virginia’s Michaels echoed that idea in a 1997 op-ed in The Washington Post, describing “a growing contingent of scientists who are increasingly unhappy with the glib forecasts of gloom and doom.” To reinforce the appearance of uncertainty and disagreement, the denial machine churned out white papers and “studies” (not empirical research, but critiques of others’ work). The Marshall Institute, for instance, issued reports by a Harvard University astrophysicist it supported pointing to satellite data showing “no significant warming” of the atmosphere, contrary to the surface warming. The predicted warming, she wrote, “simply isn’t happening according to the satellite[s].” At the time, there was a legitimate case that satellites were more accurate than ground stations, which might be skewed by the unusual warmth of cities where many are sited.

“There was an extraordinary campaign by the denial machine to find and hire scientists to sow dissent and make it appear that the research community was deeply divided,” says Dan Becker of the Sierra Club. Those recruits blitzed the media. Driven by notions of fairness and objectivity, the press “qualified every mention of human influence on climate change with ‘some scientists believe,’ where the reality is that the vast preponderance of scientific opinion accepts that human-caused [greenhouse] emissions are contributing to warming,” says Reilly, the former EPA chief. “The pursuit of balance has not done justice” to the science. Talk radio goes further, with Rush Limbaugh telling listeners this year that “more carbon dioxide in the atmosphere is not likely to significantly contribute to the greenhouse effect. It’s just all part of the hoax.” In the new NEWSWEEK Poll, 42 percent said the press “exaggerates the threat of climate change.”

Now naysayers tried a new tactic: lists and petitions meant to portray science as hopelessly divided. Just before Kyoto, S. Fred Singer released the “Leipzig Declaration on Global Climate Change.” Singer, who fled Nazi-occupied Austria as a boy, had run the U.S. weather-satellite program in the early 1960s. In the Leipzig petition, just over 100 scientists and others, including TV weathermen, said they “cannot subscribe to the politically inspired world view that envisages climate catastrophes.” Unfortunately, few of the Leipzig signers actually did climate research; they just kibitzed about other people’s. Scientific truth is not decided by majority vote, of course (ask Galileo), but the number of researchers whose empirical studies find that the world is warming and that human activity is partly responsible numbered in the thousands even then. The IPCC report issued this year, for instance, was written by more than 800 climate researchers and vetted by 2,500 scientists from 130 nations.

Although Clinton did not even try to get the Senate to ratify the Kyoto treaty (he knew a hopeless cause when he saw one), industry was taking no chances. In April 1998 a dozen people from the denial machine—including the Marshall Institute, Fred Singer’s group and Exxon—met at the American Petroleum Institute’s Washington headquarters. They proposed a $5 million campaign, according to a leaked eight-page memo, to convince the public that the science of global warming is riddled with controversy and uncertainty. The plan was to train up to 20 “respected climate scientists” on media—and public—outreach with the aim of “raising questions about and undercutting the ‘prevailing scientific wisdom’ ” and, in particular, “the Kyoto treaty’s scientific underpinnings” so that elected officials “will seek to prevent progress toward implementation.” The plan, once exposed in the press, “was never implemented as policy,” says Marshall’s William O’Keefe, who was then at API.

The GOP control of Congress for six of Clinton’s eight years in office meant the denial machine had a receptive audience. Although Republicans such as Sens. John McCain, Jim Jeffords and Lincoln Chafee spurned the denial camp, and Democrats such as Congressman John Dingell adamantly oppose greenhouse curbs that might hurt the auto and other industries, for the most part climate change has been a bitterly partisan issue. Republicans have also received significantly more campaign cash from the energy and other industries that dispute climate science. Every proposed climate bill “ran into a buzz saw of denialism,” says Manik Roy of the Pew Center on Climate Change, a research and advocacy group, who was a Senate staffer at the time. “There was no rational debate in Congress on climate change.”

The reason for the inaction was clear. “The questioning of the science made it to the Hill through senators who parroted reports funded by the American Petroleum Institute and other advocacy groups whose entire purpose was to confuse people on the science of global warming,” says Sen. John Kerry. “There would be ads challenging the science right around the time we were trying to pass legislation. It was pure, raw pressure combined with false facts.” Nor were states stepping where Washington feared to tread. “I did a lot of testifying before state legislatures—in Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, Alaska—that thought about taking action,” says Singer. “I said that the observed warming was and would be much, much less than climate models calculated, and therefore nothing to worry about.”

But the science was shifting under the denial machine. In January 2000, the National Academy of Sciences skewered its strongest argument. Contrary to the claim that satellites finding no warming are right and ground stations showing warming are wrong, it turns out that the satellites are off. (Basically, engineers failed to properly correct for changes in their orbit.) The planet is indeed warming, and at a rate since 1980 much greater than in the past.

Just months after the Academy report, Singer told a Senate panel that “the Earth’s atmosphere is not warming and fears about human-induced storms, sea-level rise and other disasters are misplaced.” And as studies fingering humans as a cause of climate change piled up, he had a new argument: a cabal was silencing good scientists who disagreed with the “alarmist” reports. “Global warming has become an article of faith for many, with its own theology and orthodoxy,” Singer wrote in The Washington Times. “Its believers are quite fearful of any scientific dissent.”

With the Inauguration of George W. Bush in 2001, the denial machine expected to have friends in the White House. But despite Bush’s oil-patch roots, naysayers weren’t sure they could count on him: as a candidate, he had pledged to cap carbon dioxide emissions. Just weeks into his term, the Competitive Enterprise Institute heard rumors that the draft of a speech Bush was preparing included a passage reiterating that pledge. CEI’s Myron Ebell called conservative pundit Robert Novak, who had booked Bush’s EPA chief, Christie Todd Whitman, on CNN’s “Crossfire.” He asked her about the line, and within hours the possibility of a carbon cap was the talk of the Beltway. “We alerted anyone we thought could have influence and get the line, if it was in the speech, out,” says CEI president Fred Smith, who counts this as another notch in CEI’s belt. The White House declines to comment.

Bush not only disavowed his campaign pledge. In March, he withdrew from the Kyoto treaty. After the about-face, MIT’s Lindzen told NEWSWEEK in 2001, he was summoned to the White House. He told Bush he’d done the right thing. Even if you accept the doomsday forecasts, Lindzen said, Kyoto would hardly touch the rise in temperatures. The treaty, he said, would “do nothing, at great expense.”

Bush’s reversal came just weeks after the IPCC released its third assessment of the burgeoning studies of climate change. Its conclusion: the 1990s were very likely the warmest decade on record, and recent climate change is partly “attributable to human activities.” The weather itself seemed to be conspiring against the skeptics. The early years of the new millennium were setting heat records. The summer of 2003 was especially brutal, with a heat wave in Europe killing tens of thousands of people. Consultant Frank Luntz, who had been instrumental in the GOP takeover of Congress in 1994, suggested a solution to the PR mess. In a memo to his GOP clients, he advised them that to deal with global warming, “you need to continue to make the lack of scientific certainty a primary issue.” They should “challenge the science,” he wrote, by “recruiting experts who are sympathetic to your view.” Although few of the experts did empirical research of their own (MIT’s Lindzen was an exception), the public didn’t notice. To most civilians, a scientist is a scientist.

Challenging the science wasn’t a hard sell on Capitol Hill. “In the House, the leadership generally viewed it as impermissible to go along with anything that would even imply that climate change was genuine,” says Goldston, the former Republican staffer. “There was a belief on the part of many members that the science was fraudulent, even a Democratic fantasy. A lot of the information they got was from conservative think tanks and industry.” When in 2003 the Senate called for a national strategy to cut greenhouse gases, for instance, climate naysayers were “giving briefings and talking to staff,” says Goldston. “There was a constant flow of information—largely misinformation.” Since the House version of that bill included no climate provisions, the two had to be reconciled. “The House leadership staff basically said, ‘You know we’re not going to accept this,’ and [Senate staffers] said, ‘Yeah, we know,’ and the whole thing disappeared relatively jovially without much notice,” says Goldston. “It was such a foregone conclusion.”

Especially when the denial machine had a new friend in a powerful place. In 2003 James Inhofe of Oklahoma took over as chairman of the environment committee. That summer he took to the Senate floor and, in a two-hour speech, disputed the claim of scientific consensus on climate change. Despite the discovery that satellite data showing no warming were wrong, he argued that “satellites, widely considered the most accurate measure of global temperatures, have confirmed” the absence of atmospheric warming. Might global warming, he asked, be “the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people?” Inhofe made his mark holding hearing after hearing to suggest that the answer is yes. For one, on a study finding a dramatic increase in global temperatures unprecedented in the last 1,000 years, he invited a scientist who challenged that conclusion (in a study partly underwritten with $53,000 from the American Petroleum Institute), one other doubter and the scientist who concluded that recent global temperatures were spiking. Just as Luntz had suggested, the witness table presented a tableau of scientific disagreement.

Every effort to pass climate legislation during the George W. Bush years was stopped in its tracks. When Senators McCain and Joe Lieberman were fishing for votes for their bipartisan effort in 2003, a staff member for Sen. Ted Stevens of Alaska explained to her counterpart in Lieberman’s office that Stevens “is aware there is warming in Alaska, but he’s not sure how much it’s caused by human activity or natural cycles,” recalls Tim Profeta, now director of an environmental-policy institute at Duke University. “I was hearing the basic argument of the skeptics—a brilliant strategy to go after the science. And it was working.” Stevens voted against the bill, which failed 43-55. When the bill came up again the next year, “we were contacted by a lot of lobbyists from API and Exxon-Mobil,” says Mark Helmke, the climate aide to GOP Sen. Richard Lugar. “They’d bring up how the science wasn’t certain, how there were a lot of skeptics out there.” It went down to defeat again.

Killing bills in Congress was only one prong of the denial machine’s campaign. It also had to keep public opinion from demanding action on greenhouse emissions, and that meant careful management of what federal scientists and officials wrote and said. “If they presented the science honestly, it would have brought public pressure for action,” says Rick Piltz, who joined the federal Climate Science Program in 1995. By appointing former coal and oil lobbyists to key jobs overseeing climate policy, he found, the administration made sure that didn’t happen. Following the playbook laid out at the 1998 meeting at the American Petroleum Institute, officials made sure that every report and speech cast climate science as dodgy, uncertain, controversial—and therefore no basis for making policy. Ex-oil lobbyist Philip Cooney, working for the White House Council on Environmental Quality, edited a 2002 report on climate science by sprinkling it with phrases such as “lack of understanding” and “considerable uncertainty.” A short section on climate in another report was cut entirely. The White House “directed us to remove all mentions of it,” says Piltz, who resigned in protest. An oil lobbyist faxed Cooney, “You are doing a great job.”

The response to the international climate panel’s latest report, in February, showed that greenhouse doubters have a lot of fight left in them. In addition to offering $10,000 to scientists willing to attack the report, which so angered Boxer, they are emphasizing a new theme. Even if the world is warming now, and even if that warming is due in part to the greenhouse gases emitted by burning fossil fuels, there’s nothing to worry about. As Lindzen wrote in a guest editorial in NEWSWEEK International in April, “There is no compelling evidence that the warming trend we’ve seen will amount to anything close to catastrophe.”

To some extent, greenhouse denial is now running on automatic pilot. “Some members of Congress have completely internalized this,” says Pew’s Roy, and therefore need no coaching from the think tanks and contrarian scientists who for 20 years kept them stoked with arguments. At a hearing last month on the Kyoto treaty, GOP Congressman Dana Rohrabacher asked whether “changes in the Earth’s temperature in the past—all of these glaciers moving back and forth—and the changes that we see now” might be “a natural occurrence.” (Hundreds of studies have ruled that out.) “I think it’s a bit grandiose for us to believe … that [human activities are] going to change some major climate cycle that’s going on.” Inhofe has told allies he will filibuster any climate bill that mandates greenhouse cuts.

Still, like a great beast that has been wounded, the denial machine is not what it once was. In the NEWSWEEK Poll, 38 percent of those surveyed identified climate change as the nation’s gravest environmental threat, three times the number in 2000. After ExxonMobil was chastised by senators for giving $19 million over the years to the Competitive Enterprise Institute and others who are “producing very questionable data” on climate change, as Sen. Jay Rockefeller said, the company has cut back its support for such groups. In June, a spokesman said ExxonMobil did not doubt the risks posed by climate change, telling reporters, “We’re very much not a denier.” In yet another shock, Bush announced at the weekend that he would convene a global-warming summit next month, with a 2008 goal of cutting greenhouse emissions. That astonished the remaining naysayers. “I just can’t imagine the administration would look to mandatory [emissions caps] after what we had with Kyoto,” said a GOP Senate staffer, who did not want to be named criticizing the president. “I mean, what a disaster!”

With its change of heart, ExxonMobil is more likely to win a place at the negotiating table as Congress debates climate legislation. That will be crucially important to industry especially in 2009, when naysayers may no longer be able to count on a friend in the White House nixing man-datory greenhouse curbs. All the Democratic presidential contenders have called global warming a real threat, and promise to push for cuts similar to those being passed by California and other states. In the GOP field, only McCain—long a leader on the issue—supports that policy. Fred Thompson belittles findings that human activities are changing the climate, and Rudy Giuliani backs the all-volunteer greenhouse curbs of (both) Presidents Bush.

Look for the next round of debate to center on what Americans are willing to pay and do to stave off the worst of global warming. So far the answer seems to be, not much. The NEWSWEEK Poll finds less than half in favor of requiring high-mileage cars or energy-efficient appliances and buildings. No amount of white papers, reports and studies is likely to change that. If anything can, it will be the climate itself. This summer, Texas was hit by exactly the kind of downpours and flooding expected in a greenhouse world, and Las Vegas and other cities broiled in record triple-digit temperatures. Just last week the most accurate study to date concluded that the length of heat waves in Europe has doubled, and their frequency nearly tripled, in the past century. The frequency of Atlantic hurricanes has already doubled in the last century. Snowpack whose water is crucial to both cities and farms is diminishing. It’s enough to make you wish that climate change were a hoax, rather than the reality it is.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Choices Shuffle Back To Haunt Me


A month or two back, I posted my open 'confession' of betrayal... a full disclosure of having purchased a nock off copy of our own iPod Shuffle from an overseas manufacturer. I admitted feeling a bit slimy about it, but it didn't stop me from continuing to use it. I even pondered the thought "If Steve Jobs were to walk in I don’t know if I’d hide it or show him an ask what they’re doing to prevent it?"


I just got to answer that question.


I stopped off in one of our six campus buildings to pick up the necessary materials required to attend WWDC this Thursday evening. I was heading back from the cafe, wearing my Black iPod nock off as I've done frequently, with no issues or questions, listening to the bonus material from the new McCartney release, Memory Almost Full. I impulsively veered momentarily off course to stop and get that quick errand done. Once I had what I needed, I headed back down the stairs, still listening intently to the music, and I turned the corner to head out the doors and into the campus. There stood Steve, deep in conversation on his iPhone, and there walked I, head bobbing to the sounds emanating from a strangely black colored iPod Shuffle through black ear buds.


My moment had arrived. There was no question in my mind that the presence of this anomaly would catch the eye of the man that brought it to market. And I'd not expect that his phone conversation w/prevent him from, at a minimum, a double take and an eye rubbing. But more likely, there'd be a quick stall to my momentum caused by the tension of the retractable badge holder resisting the grip he'd have on my only form of ID and admittance onto the campus.


My moment was thrust upon me. Here was my chance to address that open question from a few months back.



Do you remember the scene, in Blazing Saddles, when Gene Wilder's character shows he's got the fastest hands in the west by removing the chess piece from the Sheriff's hands before he could close them? Well, I do, and in some abstract but life saving fashion, that moment, and the skills therein, seemed to have been absorbed, dormant all these years, waiting for a time when a life or death situation required such speed and dexterity.


  1. The original unit was defective and required a return and replacement that took about 6 weeks.

  2. The battery life is dismal. 3 hours at best, compared w/12 on a true Shuffle.

  3. This only shuffles. It does not play continuously.

  4. The Shuffle pauses when you remove the headphones, while this continues playing and runs out of juice.

  5. Loading it required file copies, not the smooth iTunes integration of an iPod, and that's a bit cumbersome and off-putting once you've had that luxury before.

  6. There's no volume balancing feature, so song volumes raise or drop depending on their original encoding.

  7. The copying of files is drastically slow. I don't believe their connection hardware utilizes the faster options.



As I mentioned, I turned the corner, listening to Paul on my bootleg product, spotted S. J., and without missing a beat I continued walking past him and out the door. Sans mock Shuffle. It was gone. The iPod was unclipped, earbuds tethered and the entire mass was in my shirt pocket in such an expeditious fashion that only a slow motion replay might have modestly detected the blur of a hand in a single frame. I had that sucker hidden faster then an approval poll report landing on Bush's oval office desk.


A Not So Glowing Review


While on the topic, I have been working on a summary of my experiences with this device that I'll append to this post.


Although it does 'function', there's little 'fun' to the functionality, and the limitations have become clearly apparent through usage. Industrial design aside, there's a great deal more to be said for the quality and feature set of the actual Apple product over this or any other mock effort. Although this cost less then half the price, it would have been well worth paying the extra for all that it buys you.


Without going into laborious details, here's a summary of fallbacks and failings around this device, and all the related reasons you should buy an iPod.


So, although I'll likely use this for the occasional needs or pass it along to my wife for her running, I think i'll be a bit more alert as to my surroundings on campus, and when I get my iPhone, I might just have it encased in lucite and give it to BL as a paperweight, and a peace offering.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Defenso-Reacto Man

There’s a few personal websites I visit on a daily basis. They’re linked on the sidebar under “recommended clicking“. I do so because the writing is consistently worth reading. These are personal websites, or “blogs” if you wish, although I think the term “blog” should be reserved for the vapid and banal diary-style entries you’ll typically find on mySpace. The sites I frequent are far more creative and thought provoking than a series of twitter generated sputtering about “hating my science teacher because they gave me a C“, or “Carrie’s friend is so totally lame to think that Sarah’s brother is cute, OMG!” and “it was, like, so hard to find a pair of red pumps to match my black low rise jeans and my pink “90% Bitch” tank top.” No, the sites I am talking about are not some vacuous teen’s online social presence. These are websites authored by very creative and talented writers with humorous, personal and insightful thoughts to share. Clumping them into the category of a “web log” is an unjust association.
So, one of these websites recently posted an entry in which the author boldly laid out the personal details of their own struggles with what they conveyed as a “borderline personality disorder”. Interestingly, it sounded a bit too close to my own frequent feelings than I might typically feel comfortable revealing. Yet I was both impressed with the honesty and grateful to hear somebody else sharing their experience. It was good enough to merit taking a moment to send them an email of praise for the writing, as well as offering that they were not alone in their struggles. That there were others out here that have their own struggles as well. That we were in the same camp. Perhaps not the exact same dysfunctional cabin, but definitely in the same dysfunctional camp.
It also gave me the inspiration to write about an issue of my own.

My wife, after I finally reached the point of considering marriage as an option at age 37, quickly tagged me within the first year of our marriage as “Defenso-Reacto-Man”. Translation? I have a short fuse and an unusually defensive nature. I take way too many things very personally. Way too many things.
Hell, even the most sincere, innocent and innocuous questions like “Did you take out the trash?“, “Where’d you put the remote” or even “how was your day?” can and have been met with the assumption that there’s a thinly veiled criticism lurking behind them, that I’m being told I’m not taking out the trash soon enough, that I have to get out off my ass and find the remote, or that her day with the kids was miserable and I should feel bad if I had a good day.
I know it’s not rational. Hell, it’s ‘borderline’ in it’s own right. And it’s not just at home that this happens. it’s at work, too. And in traffic. And in line at the grocery store. It’s a constant tone and presence in my daily life..
I think I know where it came from. I think it came from childhood experiences and insecurities that come from moving and struggling to make friends, and then from working for so long in an engineering community, where even the slightest ideas or efforts get aggressively critiqued and dissected in order to refine and improve them, regardless of the cost to one’s pride. I think I’ve had one too many projects or ideas that I’ve labored to produce and then have brought before a group of my peers, dramatically unveiling it with exuberant pride, only to have every little aspect of it pulled apart and analyzed for the slightest possible issue, fault, or usage scenario I’d never envisioned.
I understand that nobody’s out to get me and nobody’s out to prove me wrong, make me look bad, or put a “kick me” sign on my back when I’m not paying attention. But I also know that just because everybody’s not out to get me doesn’t mean that they’re not all lying and they really are all out to get me.
See? See what I’m dealing with here?
And more importantly, see what my poor wife’s had to endure? She’s been closest to the flame and the recipient of far more teeth-gritting responses then anybody should have to deal with. And what’s worse is that my own kids have been witness to negative rants, frustrated mutterings and even the occasional improper language usage.
And then we wonder why they talk back or exhibit aggressive behavior.
Well, we don’t wonder, we know what’s behind a good chunk of it. Sure, temperments involved and one’s not nearly as bad as the other, but I’m not helping thing by modeling impatience and frustration, now am I?
I’m trying desperately to find a way to maintain a better balance and think before I react.
I’ll be honest. I’ve gone for some counseling before, and even tried Wellbutrin and Ridlin at times, each with no lasting or sustained success. I’m not opposed to giving something else a try. I do believe that many people suffer from issues that are honestly tied to physiological conditions. Wiring, if you will. And chemical imbalances in our systems are known to be significant factors in depression, aggression, and numerous serious illnesses.
Yet I also think that, if everything was picture perfect and I had not a care in the world, I’d be managing just fine. I know I would. So I have to take a great deal of ownership for my own expectations as well as the way I react or handle things that don’t go my way. The very same things that don’t go their way for everybody else. Whether it’s bad traffic, somebody asking the one question in a meeting that I can’t answer, or the fact that after going through the checkout to find I only have the cash for the eggs and milk, I drop the eggs by the car and find the milk’s gone bad when i open it the following morning.
It’s about how, or perhaps even if I let these things get to me, that will make a big change. And perhaps some meds, too. Maybe I can get my hands on some  GLeeMONEX.
I’ve already started working on this. I’ve made some progress. I’ve lost a little ground too, but I’m still feeling good about the distance I’ve come. I’ve got a good deal of work ahead, and I will continue to try and get my perspective aligned with the realistic expectations, and the waste of energy that is a negative or frustrated reaction.
That’s all i have to say for now. I’m sure you’ll all start talking about this as soon as i leave the room.