Started the day off poorly. Wrestled with connectivity on a wifi scale and ended up destroying it. Not my finest moment. Indicative though of deeper issues with stress and tech and time. So I took a mental health day and drove to Santa Cruz for coffee, walking/shopping and lunch. Walked a lot. Returned to nap heavily. Got kids, Tommy had scouts and Lauren hung w/me at Matson.

Gratitude: Shelter. I'm luck to have all I have in a home: comfort, heat, electricity.

Goal: Work life balance

Anticipation: Onsite time.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Pushover - Noir on Criterion. Kim Novak was stunning.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Onsite time was good. Got the 'dimmer' fixed on the new headhunt in CRV.

Goal: Walk tomorrow : 1 mile or more

Anticipation: Starting to get back to my target weight

Watched/Read/Listened To: The Tramp and the Dictator

Accomplishments: Meditation Stretching Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Tommy/I went with John H/Jackson and Art C/Jackson to Pacific Coast Dream Machines in HMB. I was hesitant to go, had other things to do, but it was great and I'm glad we went. He opt'd to stay w/me tonight since he'd gone to Pano last night. Threw football, did a mountain drive, had burgers.

Gratitude: Having a clean home!

Goal: Focus on work tomorrow, and writing in evening.

Anticipation: Going to Fred C's home tomorrow if time allows, checking out the back yard and studios. Memories.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Lauren had all-day theater tech so Tommy/I went without her to MBARI's open house. It was awesome. SO many studies being done and so many levels. Overwhelming. Great time. Nick Ta was there too, so that was a nice surprise. Tommy really enjoyed it. Philz Calamari afterwards. Returned home and lingered until PM when we spent time driving the Mercedes around/about Saratoga/LG hills just going off on explorations. Stopped to see Sally Goodfriend but no answer. I got Lauren at 10 and let Tommy stay at Pano.

Gratitude: Grateful to think that deep down Tommy recognized how much I want him to have opportunities like MBARI.

Goal: Keep him focused on that goal.

Anticipation: Fun day tomorrow am w/the Dream Machines outing.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Jen came into RWC w/me to work remote. Sprint Planning and lunch went well. Got the Sony car system installed - still working out kinks and adapting to it, it's a dramatic change.Went to Big Fish - enjoyed the play and love seeing Lauren so engaged and having fun with Curtis too. Nice young man.

Gratitude: Love seeing my kids finding their passions.

Goal: Enjoy a balanced day tomorrow with some outings and home time.

Anticipation: Moss Landing Open House and seeing somewhere I hope to see Tommy working at in his future.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting

Highlight(s): Mike Farewell Lunch @ Shake Shack. Another hot day. Lauren at Tech until 10.15pm. Tommy/I ran errands and did a mountain drive.

Gratitude: The rapport I have with my kids

Goal: Plan some PTO - a few days here/there for myself

Anticipation: Big Fish tomorrow night!

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Good onsite meeting w/team. Hot day. Turned on AC and settled in to stay cool.

Gratitude: Glad I'm a catalyst through which Jennifer if finding friendships.

Goal: Reading still needs more time and attention

Anticipation: Football with Tommy

Watched/Read/Listened To: Before I Go

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): WFSF – Moscone, BlueBottle, etc. Watched a 'horders' show and found it really disturbing.

Gratitude: Grateful that i have the flexibility to work remote like that on occasion.

Goal: Get team on board with and providing input to the outsourcing effort.

Anticipation: Reading tomorrow… no shows, just reading.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): early arrival today at RWC. Good work day. Got Tommy's hair cut. Watched "Jack Ryan" S1E1 with Tommy. Lauren at theater until 10.

Gratitude: the joy of watching and sharing something together.

Goal: put in a full workday

Anticipation: SF WFH w/Jen at Moscone

Watched/Read/Listened To: Death Cab

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): 6am call from mom: not feeling well. El Camino Hospital ER. Tested for blood clots after a high D-dimer count was found. All seems OK. Ran Into Marlin at Philz and he said his brother Phillip died 4/15. Although I didn't expect to hear that news, I was not surprised given the medical issues he'd struggled with. Spent the PM going to Martin Ranch, having a wonderful and reminiscent broccoli salad with a glass of wine lake-side. Bought and enjoyed some of a bottle. Really wonderful outing. Kids after 6.

Gratitude: Recognizing the young woman and vibrant personality that is the young lady that used to be my little girl.

Goal: Value every day for the gift it is.

Anticipation: 1:1 time w/Tommy tomorrow while Lauren's in theater works until 10pm.

Watched/Read/Listened To: The Creative Brain by Dan Eagleman

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Dodge Ridge Pond Skim - both kids did it, one made it while the other didn't for reasons of velocity alone. No face plants. Great day.


Gratitude: The beauty of green hills and blue skies through Sonora.


Goal: Deep and much needed sleep tonight.


Anticipation: Wine tasting tomorrow.


Watched/Read/Listened To: Climate Change - The Facts. BBC.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Productive work day around outsourcing, OPS replacement, Server issues from yesterday. Good honest chat with Donna. Low key chill PM doing busywork on the screen in patio.

Gratitude: Having worked with Mike Hafalia. I think the world of him. Just damned good people.

Goal: Foster a unified approach to resolving work issues.

Anticipation: Dodge Ridge Pond Skim tomorrow.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Every Beautiful Thing on HBO. Play about children of depressed and/or suicidal parents. Powerful.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Server issue = cage visit w/Mike before his departure next week. Flurry of updates and activities. Stopped at Intel for lunch w/Jen then WFH PM. GNO @ Rock Bottom, w/a stop at Tin Pop ice cream – Lavender w/Lemon Poppy Cookies… yum.

Gratitude: Spring evenings - warm weather

Goal: Get back on Keto tomorrow

Anticipation: Down-time tomorrow PM

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Cleanup

It Takes A Civillage

A topic came up at dinner with friends recently that hit a nerve. I’ve written and/or tweeted about, more than once, the loss of hope I feel for humanity when I start to read online comments. And I’m not just talking about comment threads in typically hi-contention hot-topic areas like religion or politics. I had recently encountered contentious and offensive comments on websites as simple as DIY instructional content intended to be helpful. That’s just one of many examples. Snark is everywhere including places it just should never be.

It is incredible how rude, dismissive, and argumentative many people can be online when they’re hiding behind their cloak of anonymity. And that is exactly where the problem lies. Anonymity. It’s very easy for a “troll” to gain and maintain a sense of self-satisfaction and importance by belittling or contradicting any and everything they can. What an odd and disturbing phenomenon to observe. 

This is a topic I am familiar with from a professional position. The company I work for has a website that supports comments, and we have had to spend a significant amount of time architecting and implementing filtering, reducing and omitting comments based on keywords and patterns. We have suspended accounts of long-time members who have utilized our site, a site intended to enable taking action to promote positive change in the world, for their having digressed to negative and uncivilized engagement with other members through their comments.

Anonymity is a huge component of our struggle. We enable people to sign petitions without their names being shown, and if we do show names, we don’t show full names. We show their first name and last initial. And I think that’s just fine. Hell, it might not even be a real name. 

People are signing petitions about social and political causes, and in some cases, they’re sensitive topics. Taking a public stance to promote action in the social arena can bring about backlash. I, for example, want to promote the enforcement of stricter gun laws, yet I might not want to deal with pro-gun friends and family using my public support of this as a launchpad to engage in a dialogue I know will be fruitless and thus have no interest in engaging in. So, in this case, hiding my name on the petition seems like a reasonable thing to do.

But what about comments I might leave? Should I be allowed to go to a pro-gun website and use the discussion board to engage in an articulate and reasonable, mature, adult discussion about my views and concerns? Absolutely! As long as their terms and conditions allow such actions, I think that’s healthy. It’s a necessary step towards having conversations centered on facts, not conflict and assumptions. On data, not cultural beliefs and norms. These are essential discussions and debates that can change our society for the better.

The constructive use of comment sections is not what I am concerned about. What upsets me to no end is the petty, immature, entitled, offensive attack position I see far more than a well-stated and well-thought-out point. People aren’t bringing up valid information for me to consider making a decision. They’re calling me names. They’re slinging mud, belittling my intellect, attacking my political leanings without knowing me at all, even my lineage, on occasions. They are offensive, judgmental, dismissive and shut down healthy communication.

What makes anybody feel they have a right to call people names? We’re not 6yr olds fighting over a swing set at lunchtime. To make dismissive characterizations, observations and generalizations without any backup or data? How is it people feel like they have a right to just ignore that our evolution as a species in a society relies on a well-balanced dialogue and discourse in order to come to a mutual point of agreement and understanding?

Every time I find myself reading comments related to anything about opinion or fact, I’m finding infantile, childish ignorance and offensive responses in these threats. And I think I know why. Because the authors are never accountable.

There was a South Park episode where Gerald Broflovski became a “troll“. It perfectly represents the dynamic I’m referencing. So yes, in a roundabout way, I am referring to South Park as a moral compass our society needs to follow :-). Gerald gets this innate primal gratification from getting online and calling people names. But when a foreign power hacks and threatens to expose the name of all the trolls, he loses his shit. And rightfully so. Because that’s where these people are hiding. Behind innocuous made-up bullshit ID names and not their own identity.

So how do I think we could solve this? I think it’s really simple, and I believe the level of effort to manage this would be dramatically less than the level of cost and effort it takes for every company worldwide to try and manage their own policing of this—an international online registry.

Just think about this for a minute and don’t respond with “I need my privacy “complaints. it’s paranoid to worry about anybody knowing anything about you. because they already fucking do! Worrying about your online privacy today is as ridiculous as worrying about tearing up carbon copies of a credit card slip was back in the late 70s. The information that you’re so worried about anybody getting is already out there in droves. 

Wait, I think I’m getting snarky and dismissive. Let me start again 

 

What if there was an international online registry of validated users, and access to post comments on websites required account/ID validation of your identity. Your name, location and even contact information become public. How would that affect you, personally? How would that affect your usage of the Internet? How would that affect the population of the Internet users responsible for the degradation and “fake news“ nature that is the cesspool of the web?

I am not against a platform where people can engage in rational, reasonable debate. That’s healthy. We need that. For example, by being open to arguments related to gun rights, including reading dialogues on websites with posts by supporters, I changed my view. It changed my view about guns in America. That’s substantial. It didn’t change because somebody called me a hippie left-wing socialist fuckwad. It happened because somebody engaged in a simple explanation of their circumstances and live events and why they felt I need to have some measure of protection for themselves and their family. And it made sense. Again, it changed my mind. I recognized and incorporated their points into my position on guns.

It boils down to the simple expectation that you should be fully accountable for your actions. We all are, aren’t we? That’s why we have laws. That’s why crimes reduce in areas with better policing and the identification and subsequent apprehension and prosecution of people who break our society’s laws. Free speech is the right we all throw out as justification to say whatever we want to say, but free speech and anonymity should not be synonymous. If I go to Hyde Park in London and listen to one of the many people standing on saltboxes, espousing their beliefs, they’re not doing so with a bag over their head or from behind a partition. They are accessible, they are accountable, and they are identifiable. Why should we, as a society, not expect the same thing in the public forum that is online comments?

I am convinced that if every person who wanted to go on and make some dipshit comment had to do so with their full name and city of residence mandatorily visible, they probably think twice about the language and words they use. If the submission and posting of a comment required validation and visibility of their identity via an international registry of users, nobody would be able to hide anymore. I would see not only their “you are a fucking idiot you left-wing liberal douche bag“ comment but also their full name and location. And so what everybody else in the world. Including their neighbors, family, friends, and co-workers. Everybody would know that Bob Smith at 123 Anystreet, Portland, Oregon, had either a valid intelligent point to share in an online forum,… or that he was just being a dick again.

We’re never going to get rid of the dicks. They’re always going to be there. And I know because I’ve been one on occasion. I don’t expect everybody to be on their best behavior in every way possible every minute of the day. We all have our stressors, our urgency, our agenda, and our opinions. But we should not be allowed to use a public forum architected for social engagements without complete social transparency and accountability.

I recognize that many of the barriers to implementing this are based on financial impact for businesses, but the success of the business should not be at the cost of the success of our society working together to come to agreements and understandings instead of disputes and division.

I want to see this happen in my lifetime, but I know I won’t. I just have to hope that the balance of power between the political and the business aspects of our global society will eventually care more about our population and human rights over the almighty dollar in pursuit of wealth.

Oh, and I want to pony.

Highlight(s): Dropped Lauren, worked from Starbucks. Ran into Ian who showed me the photos of the frames made from our back fence. Gave me an idea. Went into RWC. Decent onsite day. Returned home. Juggled Screentime Issues. Costco run.

Gratitude: Tommy's a great soul. He's under lots of pressure and presumptions but he's a good solid honest young man. I'm so proud of who he is.

Goal: Focused workday tomorrow and a 3rd successful walking day.

Anticipation: GNO

Watched/Read/Listened To: Hamilton

Accomplishments: Walking (1.5) Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Got a mediation and 1.5m walk in. Did a walking meeting setting up Insart. Setup new grade-based time limits on kids phones. Expected griping but too f'ing bad. Tommy stayed w/mom but tried to change once he got there and a fight started and I stuck to the plan and made him stay and work it out.

Gratitude: I'm glad I grew up watching 3 stooges and little rascals.

Goal: FULLY FOCUSED WORK DAY & 1+mile walk

Anticipation: Costco run w/kids tomorrow - always fun to find new things.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Calm Master Class: Parenting

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Car service = WFH. Work day was ok. Car work ran $600 but it's also running much better and I need it reliable. Used the PM to chill, unwind and watch more "Our Planet" with focused intent.

Gratitude: I'm so grateful to have access to things like "Our Planet" and to appreciate it. I just wish I could retain it all. :-)

Goal: Meditation tomorrow.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Our Planet. I feel so old, and insignificant. And lucky to have experienced all I have.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Came to realize some pretty critical things last night about my role in the behavior of my son and realize i need to change my approach. Also learned some things today about my ex and recent behavior that pretty much result in the same – a need to change my approach. I can only try so hard for so long and still tolerate being talked badly about. It's pretty fucked up, honestly, to hear and have to consider. Meanwhile, day spent cleaning kids room and house and putting a bunch of things into their proper places.

Gratitude: Glad to have really spent a low-tech weekend. Not much time on screens. It was nice.

Goal: Get up early by putting my phone and alarm in the other room. Get out for a walk.

Anticipation: Rain tomorrow. Love rain.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Hiked Lexington trail with Lauren. Tommy skated with Nathan.

Anticipation: Filoli

Accomplishments: Walking Cleanup

Highlight(s): Lauren/I solo to Ikea. Walked 'the dish' circle in full. Went to Pruneyard and saw Dumbo and had lunch in the theater. Fun. Tommy had football then hung w/friends doing motor-driving-bike mods.

Gratitude: Being pushed to get out/hike.

Goal: Hike Lexington tomorrow.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Dumbo

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): 2+ mile walk, conf call w/Nextury, pickup Lauren while Tommy works on half-pipe. Washed mom's car. 5 guys lunch. Shazam @ new Pruneyard. Tommy says w/his mom while we get Panda Express and watch Cider House Rules.

Gratitude: Efforts made to encourage kids to be considerate.

Anticipation: Day off tomorrow w/little planned.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Shazam, Cider House Rules.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Onsite w/Insart was good. Nextury tomorrow. Stopped by Pano to get Tommy and his additional supplies to finish the half-pipe. It's come a long way. There are aspects (level, alignment) that could be improved but it's solid and functional and with the window protection and platforms it'll be done. I will press him to weather proof it - otherwise it's destine to warp due to rain and heat.

Gratitude: Good talk with Donna. Hoping for some positive influence from the conversation.

Goal: Focus on Lauren tomorrow.

Anticipation: Taking some time off tomorrow and Fri to spend w/kids.

Watched: Our Planet Episode 1. WOW.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Dropped Kids in AM, worked from Starbucks near Pano. Got Mike H notice, sad to lose such an integral part of my team but support his reasons and the opportunity. Good work day. Super proud of Lauren and Tommy working on refactoring the half pipe and making it a higher quality effort. More work remains. Awesome 1:1 dinner w/JS at Dry Creek Cafe: Ribeye, 2013 MR Malbac, whiskey tasting after. Great time.

Gratitude: Friendships. Few but substantial including those that have lasted for decades.

Anticipation: onsite meeting w/Vasyl re. outsourcing options.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting

Highlight(s): Woke up realizing all the issues Tommy's half-pipe idea. Told him, shared concerns w/Linda, chaos ensued. Ended up being a fiasco trying to manage until I let go and stepped out of further involvement. He started and I saw his work on the 1st 3rd this evening and it's stable but rushed. Mark and I both told him to take his time but he's refusing to listen. I told him wha he should do and I'll leave it to him. He's capable of perfection but not without taking the necessary time. Ran to Betty's ins Santa Cruz w/them for dinner just to get out of town. Needed a change.

Gratitude: Awesome weather.

Goal: Deep dive into wrapping up work on outsourcing in advance of Wed AM mtg.

Anticipation: Jess/Johathon coming by tomorrow evening.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Drive a Crooked Road (Columbia Noir on Criterion Channel.

Highlight(s): Quite a full day. Tommy stayed at his mom's for am to bike with friends, Lauren dropped at 9.30. Made sweet crepes. Ran errands. Tommy asked for funding for a half-pipe. What was supposed to be a $150 cost turned out to run over $400. Not happy about it but trying to keep perspective of this as a spring break project that could turn into a summer long option for friends, and something that he could feel pride in completing. It's a huge project but I believe he will succeed if he just takes his time to measure twice and think it all through. Loved the time w/Lauren today we got a lot of 1:1 time and that was wonderful. I want to do something for her too but she's not as vocal about activities and projects. Mark M ended up helping out w/wood and subsequently came to Matson to talk plans, have dinner, and hang. Its was a fun full day.

Gratitude: Jennifer. So supportive and accommodating and positive. I'm so lucky.

Goal: Help Tommy take time for methodically working on his project with safety and patience.

Accomplishments: Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Got contacted by somebody from my past via Facebook, which helped close a key gap of needing 'closure' of sorts. It's complicated. Savers sale day w/Jen – scored some nice things including end/coffee tables for the enclosed patio (office/man cave). Our lottery-winning $10 Hamilton tickets set us in row 2, seats 3 & for from center. $800+ seats. It was phenomenal. Epic. A whole different view brought forth a whole new way of experiencing the play. Amazing. Lauren loved it too and was able to share the visuals in ways I'm sure she could not in prior outings.

Gratitude: Hearing from an old friend really does bring about some significant long-sought closure. It's blog-worthy.

Goal: Enjoy a day of balanced tasks and activities w/the kids tomorrow. Spring break's starting but I have things to do in order to take Thur/Fri off so we'll do more dedicated stuff then.

Anticipation: Winning another set of lottery tix.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting

Highlight(s): on-site spring planning. Good lunch time with exec team. Narrowing down outsourcing. Surprised to win Hamilton lottery -taking Lauren tomorrow. Dinner at Mr Bs with his parents.

Gratitude: conscious recognition of the value seeing friends has one.

Goal: 1:1 time with Jen tomorrow before okay

Anticipation: Hamilton with Lauren!

Watched/Read/Listened To: finished "Astronomy for people in a hurry". Final chapter was epic.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Walked 1m after dropping kids. Good productive focused work day. Low key evening.

Gratitude: The time I spend focused on the right priorities helps me calm the monkey-mind.

Goal: Get another walk in tomorrow before going to work.

Anticipation: Seeing Matt B's parents for dinner.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Dropped Lauren after we got coffee/breakfast at Starbucks together. Went into work early. Did well with my efforts to be present, engaged and connect with folks. Nevin is 'back' which is great, and Stephen won the quarterly $500 MAD award. The new spreadsheet worked well. Kids arrived, Tommy's doing homework and Lauren's watching shows. I managed some upkeep task and sat on patio trying to focus on 'presence'.

Goal: Take a 1mile walk in the AM before work starts.

Anticipation: WFH on patio w/be nice.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Calm App: Rethinking Depression. It's so good. Also, Astronomy for People in a Hurry.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Today was a WFH day, sans kids. When I woke up I really wanted to just walk to Starbucks but I talked myself out of it, thinking I'd do it mid-day, and of course the day got away from me. I need to listen to my gut more. I spent the am in the enclosed patio and enjoyed it being clean again. Work was good. Made some headway on outsourcing. Picked up kids at Pano since Tommy had scouts. Went to Andale, dropped him, took her to Matson, worked on "MAD" awards page for work. Picked him up and he was 'concerned' about his mom so I let him stay with her tonight.

Gratitude: Electric toothbrush - since my last dental appointment i've been diligent about using it well and properly. I think we take good teeth and dental hygiene for granted. It's amazing to see 'really' bad teeth and realize how something so simple can make a difference.

Goal: Be aggressively present tomorrow, onsite and in meetings and even in the office. Talk to people more. Connect.

Anticipation: Fireplace use tomorrow w/kids if it rains.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Astronomy for Dummies

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Cleaned enclosed patio.

Gratitude: Working from home

Goal: Finalized analysis for work outsourcing

Anticipation: More rain!

Watched/Read/Listened To: StarTalk and Astronomy for People in a Hurry

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Cleanup