Today was an un-reMarkable day, given that between around 10 am and 4 PM I managed to post, sell, pack and schedule shipping pickup tomorrow morning of the "move" I bought last night. In the end, I had an opportunity to test it out and reinforce my commitment to using the one I already have. The rains today came earlier than expected. making my having not waited to prepare the patio in advance last night a good choice. I worked extensively on and completed a full draft of chapter two. It evolved well and closes poignantly. As for tasks, air filters were swapped, kitchen knives were all sharpened, and "cardz" were played. 

⚖️ 171.2(+0.1) ❤️60(58-142) 👣 6,686/3mi (🏃‍♂️)

Rush To Judgement

I interpret the cash left by Tommy as a sign of closure. A symbolic ending on his part of the idea that we might ever return, not simply to Rush Creek but to any sort of healthy relationship.

My heart aches, yet it has been aching routinely for years now, as tides shift so suddenly and without warning. The latest being the exchange following the request to leave more room on the driveway. That went south so quickly, and the stance being taken that the truths I speak are lies allows for no dialog, no understanding, no clarification or willingness on his part to accept that he can not charge his car, drive ours, leave urine unflushed, clothes in the sink, shoes in the clothes dryer, or any number of other behaviors that reveal a deep sense of entitlement.

His silent treatment and stonewalling are also indicative of seeing myself and Jennifer as other than supportive parents that have done all we can while taking all we can for years, routinely attempting at each breaking point to reset and realign.

Rush Creek had been, like Catalina, a space for doing so. Will it ever again?

I re-read that Catalina post last night after learning that Lauren had begun reading the book. It was hard to recognize how the pendulum has swung so violently since then. Peace may be its next apex, but accepting it as being as temporary as I hope the animosity will be takes a good deal of strength and resolve. And it might be more in my head than intended, but it's all I have to work with.

Like his mother, this too has lessons to learn from. They're just hard. Most growth is.

This little guy's in a scurry

A difficult night's sleep resulted in a difficult morning rise. Yet for me, that means 7:15 am. Once up, I am up; my return to writing continued after the weekend pause. As I have come to accept as progress, much of what I considered great three days ago was ripped apart and dramatically reduced today. I am very content with where things landed today, so maybe I'll rework it again on Thursday. Still, it is progressing. Later in the day, I came across somebody on Craigslist selling a remarkable "move," and I bought it. I am using it for this post. I am not sure it's the right tool for my needs, but I want to lock in for a week or more before making any final decisions. It might grow on me. Lauren called to say she started (finally) reading the book I printed for them on their 21st birthday. She had not gotten past 2008 but noted that she's not known others to have fathers as aware and engaged as I had been. It was a rewarding recognition. It also gave me a reason to pull out my own copy and revisit it. I am so proud of what I found and pulled together for them. It took a long time for her to start, finally, and I don't believe Tomy has or will, until he's worked out some of his own feelings and difficulties, which may never happen, but it's all here and will remain in reach long after I am not.  

⚖️ 171(-0.4) ❤️60(58-125) 👣 3,853/1.8mi (🧘‍♂️ 🏋️‍♂️)

Reflecting on EVs

An exchange with Tommy independently from Jen & I resulted in his silent treatment being abandoned in order to engage in argumentation. I did my best to convey the concepts of consideration, clarification, communication and not taking an stance of being attacked. If didn't help. I would welcome a healthy relationship but this is not that. The rest of the day was spent on a lot of small asks and tasks. Tomorrow I resume the "daily schedule" I started last week that worked so well. I am anxious to jump back in.

⚖️ 170.8(-0.6) ❤️59(56-113)🩸116/69 👣 6,428/3.2mi

… you know, the point where, for whatever reason, you clear every hurdle, building momentum, to the point you're voluntarily taking another round 'cause you're fully in the zone? Like that. And at the end, an Aqui ramp-up with the Heslops and Mr B to a DSOTM laser show. What a masterpiece.

⚖️ 170.3(-1.2) ❤️60(59-132) 👣 9,932/4.5mi

Highlights: Continued progress made on chapter 2 (perfect final sentence) and beginning the framework of chapter 3. Jen spent time with my mom going over sewing patterns over lunch while I managed to address a handful of tasks from the library nearby, where I worked at 18 and established friendships and memories including a camper van filled with four or five colleagues rockin’ to “My Sharona.” We thoroughly enjoyed "The Bardy Bunch" preview before it opens tomorrow. It was a blast, lots of laugh out loud moments. Vespers afterward closed out a wonderful day.

⚖️ 170.3(-1.5) ❤️61(58-108) 👣 6,862/3.1mi (🏋️‍♂️)

I dove back into writing the book as a new routine this morning, resurfacing 1.5 hours later excited and inspired. My midday focus on tasks to tackle resulted in the two green waste bins being filled with all the crap (figuratively and literally) from the back yard that was a breeding ground for flies and such. In the evening I joined and enjoyed the last online meeting of Winter Practice online with Jesse, Jackie and Taishin. I am grateful to have gotten confirmation that our medical benefit updates have been reviewed and renewed, to have kicked off what has already proven to be a productive change of focus and time allocation, and to had a chance to watch the first episode of the "Scrubs" reboot, to boot. Oh and today I learned that Complimentary (with an 'i') means free of charge or expressing praise/admiration while Complementary (with an 'e') refers to things that combine well, enhance each other, or complete a set. Who knew?

⚖️ 170.7(-0.8) ❤️58(58-133) 👣 8,291/3.8mi (🧘‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️)

Highlights: A wonderful (and long) walk with Brian & Patricia through Almaden Lake Park, followed by time talking at Panera. It's been years since I/we have had a chance to connect with these two together and I greatly appreciate and enjoyed talking to Patricia. She's got a fascinating backstory and a strong self-awareness. I'm hoping we make this a routine thing to do by exploring other paths over the months ahead. Jen and I both played around with the Jay Shetty AI prompts to dig into personal goals and barriers. I like what's come up so far and will be incorporating it into the week ahead. One change being to reduce the rambling 'stream of consiousness' aspects of these daily entires and focus instead on truely noteworthy highlights, events, accomplisments and of course, gratitudes. Always about the gratitudes, including the aforementioned walk and moments of reflection on where we live, the lives we're living, the work we've done and the friendships we've maintained.

⚖️ 171.1(0) ❤️61(59-119) 👣 16,410/7.5mi (🏋️‍♂️)

Highlights: Hercules: Taco Tuesday and a walk through downtown with the Priests.

Accomplishments: A full day deep diving into research and action surrounding benefits before and after 65. 

Gratitudes: Clear skies and seeing the stars. Friendships with couples that like each other. The Decades of history both lived and under development in this area. SO much personal history here. A lifetime's.

⚖️ 171.1(+0.1) ❤️63(60-116) 👣 10,152/4.5mi (🏃‍♂️)

6:30 rise to squeeze in breakfast at LGC with all four of us. Tommy's impulsive nudging and prodding of Lauren remind me of my older brother's legacy habits. Sigh. He went to work while we ran a few errands. I picked up a pair of Homepods after they lingered on Craigslist for several weeks. The sound quality is quite an improvement over the minis, which will get moved and repurposed elsewhere in the house. We played cards until Lauren had to return to Sacramento. Tommy picked up the Rivian. It's pretty awesome, a big upgrade from the Tesla in the realms of design and luxury feel. And it's already gotten its first booking. Jen and I are committed to sticking with one car through April, a 6+ week trial to see how it works out before we replace the BMW. I got word today from the place in Sacramento that took the PT cruiser. Apparently, there was engine and gasket damage. He said it was a wise decision not to pursue repairs after all. I guess it won't end up with another driver, but at least all the parts will likely be repurposed, given how pristine most of them are for this particular model. It also makes me grateful that the issue we had with the BMW didn't result in similar engine or gasket damage. Things worked out in the end. Even when they don't, they do.

⚖️ 171.4(+0.6) ❤️62(60-113) 👣 4,708/2.2mi (🏋️‍♂️)

"Foreigner" with an Orchestra

A stabilized rapport with Tommy. Roasted Coffee. Washed the Model Y. Lucky was groomed wonderfully by Jen, using only the scissors. A warm recline on a warm patio on a warm day. A surprise visit by Lauren! Phase 10. Interest from Lauren about a Jikoji opportunity over summer. "Foreigner" (no original  members) with an "Orchestra" at the SJ Civic was entertaining for an overproduced tribute band.

⚖️ 171.4(+0.6) ❤️64(62-134) 👣 6,559/3.1mi

5(+0.5) ❤️61(59-107) 👣 6,161/2.9mi

I found a bug in my computer!

We sold the BMW, well, to be more precise, I sold it with Jennifer's well vetted agreement, yet, as it all played out, she started to show some regret and anxiety. I guess she did not really expect I would get what I wanted for it, but I did. And to a degree, she feels a bit trapped or constrained by the possibility of being stuck at the house if/when I might have the car. I get that. Part of me wants to jump on the chance to pick up the Honda Fit in Sacramento, which, after the BMW service last week, would be close to a break-even outcome after tax and registration, yet gas and maintenance would be ½ easily. The other idea is to let that go and try a month or so with one car. What is the worst thing that could happen? By doing this, we can see how it works out and what our needs really are. It's a trial of sorts, and we absolutely have options for both the long and short term. After it was wrapped up, we dropped off a prescription for my mom and visited for a while. I am going to help her sell off a slew of sewing patterns she has amassed through the years. We enjoyed the backyard for a while until the heat became too much to bear, and we had to go inside. Tommy wasn't engaging with us, likely because he was told not to park half on and half off the sidewalk, because he thinks it looks cool, or because he's aware he has to move out in June.  It need not be a negative thing, yet he seems to feel it has to be. I'll continue to do all I can to be positive about it. It's finally cooling down, and the week ahead should be pleasant. I dove into helping Jen with  Google Forms for the Los Gatos Thrives needs. It was rewarding to help and teach while also having a scenario play out that illustrated the maze of complexity surrounding what sounds simple but turns out to be dramatically more complicated. 

⚖️ 171.8(+1) ❤️63(60-100) 👣 3,965/1.8mi (🏋️‍♂️)

Early rise, car retrieval, and time spent at Starbucks in Cupertino spared me the commute hassles and got me to my mom by 9:30. Her pain management appointment went better than expected. They set her up with some initial medication as well as injections on the short-term horizon. I realized on the way home that I had left my computer and a remarkable in the caddy of the wheelchair she used, and I had to return to get it.  I was fortunate to find it still there, but I certainly tore myself down over the whole oversight. I am absolutely awful to myself at moments like this. Viscous and cruel and unforgiving. Why is that my starting point when I would show support and empathy to anyone else?  I suspect this will remain an ongoing challenge. It's some­what embarrassing to admit how hard I can be on myself, but sometimes I learn that I am not alone. And that helps humanize it a bit. Maybe we all expect too much of ourselves too consistently. We had dinner at a friend's with another couple tonight. The steak was phenomenal. I just wanted to sit quietly and relish it. The conversations were varied, and I became conscious of a sense of overwhelm. I shut down somewhat and tried to listen rather than engage and contribute. At one point, a comment was made that friends of mine who did not like a movie must have based their dislike on the fact that the cast was black. I was and am insulted and upset by such  an accusation.

⚖️ 171.5(+0.7) ❤️63(62-126) 👣 4,357/4.7mi

Highlights: It was a restless night thru unusually high temperatures. Howes Your Coffee with Priests & Wendy joining. A brief but pleasant outing to Filoli. Knocked off a few key action items for mom and myself. Did more work on BMW sale options & talked over, ideas and options with Jen. Enjoyed a good 3-way GNO (Jess 'cause). Began listening to "A World Appears": I am just past the intro and already amazed. Inspired too. And all the more curious about where this all ends. Assuming it does at all.

Insights: Rest in Peace, Linda Patterson (mitchell) knowing that In the past four years I have done my best to honor your best intentions and significance with our kids.

Day Two of trying the coffee Jen got from Dan at Martin Ranch. It's good, yet I don't feel challenged by it. I hope to pass my own back his way. We went on an early-morning outing with couple friends to hike at Castle Rock. Going early was smart, as it got warm quickly, and the hike, considered "moderate," felt pretty intense, especially when we had to traverse large boulders. It proved to be a challenge I was ultimately up to, though. Barely. A picnic lunch followed. The BMW repairs were completed late afternoon. I took it out for a test and watched the temperatures closely. I am cautiously optimistic it's resolved.

⚖️ 171(-0.2) ❤️63(60-121) 👣 11,352/5.1mi (🥾)

Highlights: The BMW issues have been identified as a failing pump and thermostat. We're looking at over 3k after addressing it, the battery, and other maintenance needs. It is what it is and nothing one can't expect. As always, there is a part of me wondering what I could do myself to save on costs, yet the realist in me knows to roll with a professional who has the skills, tools, and experience I lack. I still remember hauling my Fiat towed along with a zip-lock bag of parts. I still think selling it might be the best next step, but it feels daunting for the moment. Tommy asked for a ride to pick up the Rivian, but when we got there, he was turned away. It made me wonder why he thought it was. It was an annoying thing to have done, but I am learning not to be surprised or affected by it. Jen and I took Lucky to the Forest of Nisene Marks State Park in Aptos for a walk in the woods. It was a pleasant outing, but in the future,  I may keep it closer to home. It's too distracting to have to manage him while he pulls and trying to prevent him from getting into poison oak. It takes the fun out of the effort and makes it hard to take in the experience of being in such a beautiful place.

Insights: I have been immersed in the recently released audiobook "Apple: the First 50 Years" for several days, and it's been a complete joy. I grew up in Cupertino, was an Apple user since the mid-late 80's, and found myself working there from 1991 through 2009, as a contractor and an employee. It took years to break from the attachment I felt to the products, and yet I remain as embedded in their ecosystem as the six colors that still course through my veins. Many of my friends and colleagues and I were watching so much of this history play out from the sidelines, and often from the fields themselves. Hands-on. To be walked through all of this history feels like revisiting a substantial chunk of my life's passions and passages. I feel so very fortunate to have all of these invaluable memories. I only wish I still had the stock. :-/

⚖️ 170.8(-0.3) ❤️59(56-103)🩸103/73 👣 11,247/5.6mi (🧘‍♂️ 🏋️‍♂️)

Highlights: Lauren came along with me this morning to triage the BMW left at Walmart overnight after my failed attempt to get it home. I learned a lot over the past 24 hrs about the engine and a short list of possible root causes. The coolant level was fine. The "bleed" test showed motion, so the pump appears fine, too. I topped off the oil, and Lauren followed me down the El Camino Real. I made it about 3 miles before the alert triggered again. At this point, it was time to get it towed back to Los Gatos, where we have a mechanic who has managed our car's needs for decades. The whole affair ate up 3 hours of the late morning, but we got a game of Phase 10 in before Lauren had to head home. Jen and I met Jack and Judy for dinner at H.R.C. They loved the food. The place was surprisingly packed for a Sunday night.

Insights: Several years have gone into meditation, Calm, podcasts, and, of course, Jikoji. Five or more for sure. Has it helped? Certainly, Yes. But I remain vulnerable, and I continue to struggle with reflexive emotional discord. Practice does not make perfect. It's a lifelong endeavor to hold and advance, without slipping backward when losing one's footing is inevitable.

⚖️ 170.8(-0.3) ❤️63(59-98) 👣 4,613/2.2mi

Cup ‘o Joe | Guilded Pleasure

Highlights: Taking Lauren to Daly City Bart for day three of her conference, which apparently went very well, and she made some great connections. Stopping at nearby Original Joe's Westlake, which was a real joy as a spontaneous date with Jen. We share so many moments! Submitted our taxes, and we are coming out better than expected payment-wise. In a mental coin flip decision, Jennifer decided to use the Tesla to pick up Lauren, while I took the BMW up to Menlo Park to see the band Mojo Rising, a Doors tribute, with my friend Nevin. However, halfway up on 280. The BMW went into crisis mode. An alert appeared indicating the engine temperature was high, and then it ratcheted up to the point of forcing the car to stop. I pulled over on 280, just a few miles from Cupertino, and let the engine cool. I then continued and made it to the show. Cautiously. The band and tribute were awesome, although I had to keep my mind in the moment and not dwell on 'what next' with the car. I thoroughly enjoyed the event and the Guild, too. I tried driving it home, but it repeated the same issues on 101. I managed to get it to a nearby Walmart and arranged to be picked up by Jen and Lauren. It could be any number of things. I kept my cool (ha) throughout the entire ordeal and will return in the am to see if it's manageable to triage and get to a mechanic by driving or towing.

Close enough

Highlights: Drop Lauren at BART via Tesla. Took Lauren's tires down to the recommended PSI and it's a lot smoother ride. Really want one of the FITs. Jikoji's weekly meeting : action items managed. Sent updates in for benefit validations. Tommy went forward with a Rivian purchase and showed me a pretty comprehensive worksheet breaking down the idea of Turo as a revenue stream. I said that I hope it works out for him. Mom's appointment went quickly. Tommy went skiing for the weekend. Jen went to hang with Wendy and Velma. Lauren and I visited my mom then I went to get Jen along with picking up the charged Tesla.

⚖️ 170.8(-0.4) ❤️63(60-118) 👣 6,320/2.9mi (🏋️‍♂️)

Lauren drove down late last night, staying with us through the weekend while attending a conference in SF. I dropped her at the Berryessa BART just in time to get on board. Morning school-related traffic was not considered. I took her car to set up the speedometer she had in the PT, as well as to test and learn more about the "Honda sensors". And I did. My mom liked it as well-I took her to her appointment with it. Jen and I picked up Lauren at the Millbrae station and got dinner at Godfather's, a place of history for all of us. I had invited Tommy several days ago, but he has been stonewalling us because we want him to move out this summer before he turns 23. Things got tense when he asked me to unlock Lauren's car to detail it, and I said no. I had already cleaned it, but not deeply, and I told him so. He would not accept no and argued, to the point of calling and texting Lauren to get permission. After 3 days of the silent treatment from him and the anticipation that he would be just as belligerent when I needed to take it, along with the concern that he would drive it and it's not yet fully insured. But all of these points would have been argued and dismissed, so I just stopped engaging. He called me a few choice names, and I took off to run a few errands, but he and Jen got into it next. It takes a lot to get Jen angry, and she let him have it. We all ended up in a heated debate, yet I did my best to stay calm and focus on the point that he had to move out in the summer. That led to a few rounds of arguments continuing. In the end, though. He and Jen hugged, and they recovered. I did not.  This was the final straw for me. He even dismissed that as all talk, and I've heard it before. That is true. He walked away and said something to the effect that this was how it was going to be until I did something to fix it.  Only it's not me. The problem is 100 % him. His abuse,  entitlement, inconsideration, and lack of gratitude. He said, "We have issues," but that's not true. "You do," I replied. "Not me.'' He came to me shortly after, wanting a hug, which I gave him. He said he knew he had to move out, and that he had hoped we could have had a better relation­ship. I told him I believed we would and could through the move and after. The hardest part in all of this is the  reality that I will actually miss him, yet my pride and self-esteem  have had enough of walking on eggshells and being treated like an annoyance by someone I have support­ed their entire life, freely living in my home.

⚖️ 170.8(-0.4) ❤️61(59-113) 👣 7,801/3.5mi (🧘‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️)



Insights: The story of Mara, representing negativity, trying to influence and ultimately derail the Buddha's calm mindfulness, is a scenario I have encountered all too often. With family, strangers, and even occurrences such as a low-tire-pressure light or the traffic of school drop-offs through our neighborhood. It's reminiscent of conversations in which someone is telling of how awful and poorly someone has treated them (myself included), and how allowing their mood and views to cause you to adapt their outlook and opinion. I have had this happen many times, some in which I have been pulled into the negativity and others in which my understanding of both people and the nature of two varied perspectives at play. When dealing with one who is particularly triggering, keeping my balance and a calm mindset takes aggressive patience and presence. The challenge they are is my opportunity to master the recognition of what I am in full control of: my expectations and my reactions. Those alone are how my emotions can be swayed to distress or peace.

⚖️ 171.2(+0.1) ❤️61(58-113)🩸98/70 👣 5,191/2.4mi (🧘‍♂️ 🏋️‍♂️)

The one I missed

Highlights: Howes Your Coffee. Closing the PT tasks by mailing the 2nd key, getting funds moved and insurance managed. Jen's Dyson hair dryer getting approved for warranty repair. Coordinating (for hours) moving Tommy onto his own insurance through Medi-Cal as a student & volunteer, although it might be a hard sell. Putting the roof screen in the Tesla far sooner than I could have imagined necessary in advance of the high temperatures expected for this week and beyond. 

Insights: Mark referred to the end of the weekend and his sister's funeral, when the families were packing up and heading to hotels and airports, as the moment they were "resuming their lives". It struck me that it should be the other way around. The routine and mundane repetitive nature of daily activities are not what gets seen as a "life" we return to from the emotional recognition of a loss and a life ending. Those connections, the focus, the fleeting awareness of both the passage and the limitations of time and opportunities, should be what gets defined as life. Not getting lost in the numbing endless protocols of sleepwalking through each day can be an eye-opening wakeup call. "Resuming our lives" should be when we snap out of the daily subconscious daze and experience true presence in and gratitude for just getting to live our lives at all.

⚖️ 171.2(+0.1) ❤️63(60-105) 👣 9,528/4.2mi (🏃‍♂️)

I went to Starbucks in Cupertino at 7:30 AM to be there before the nightmare traffic made getting my mom at 9:30 more complicated. It's an enjoyable way to approach this occasional scheduling situation. Her appointment went well, but she seems worn down and almost weary. I spent a lot of time today finishing lingering tasks related to the carsand got a lot done. Paperwork to the salvage company, funds transfers to Lauren, and insurance-related calls, too. And at this stage, it may all be complete. One very gratifying thing came out of this: the car will very likely get repaired and continue in a new owner's hands. We all feel good to know that. Tonight Tommy Jen and I had a challenging discussion about his moving out in the summer. He wants to stay, we believe mostly to avoid the costs, but we want him to go live his life and let us 60/65 year olds have our space.

⚖️ 171.1(-0.1) ❤️60(59-106) 👣 4,283/2mi (🏋️‍♂️)

Daylight saving time changes arrived at 2 AM Today. I watched it happen. The new SAD/Alarm light has a time display, and what was 1 AM changed to 3 AM within minutes. The anticipation of the 8 AM departure of a 7 AM bioclock made sleep difficult. How ironic. In the end (or at the start), it all worked out just fine. We stopped to top off the Tesla charge and headed up to Woodland. The PT was parked where expected. It's still a sad scenario, being sidelined and retired in such an unceremonious manner. And yet the real value lies in the noble efforts and the fact that the repairs contributed to a significant upgrade. After scouring the Cruiser for lingering belongings, I snapped a final pie and felt a bittersweet sense of closure on a minor piece of history shared by three generations. Lauren had an opportunity to walk about and explore options she went forward with the Fit. I drove it back after a stop for burgers and immediately got a "low pressure" tire light. We took it back, got a device from the salesman as to the resolution, and should it return after being filled. We filled them, and it remained. We completed the recalibration step, and it went away for now. Lauren helped me as the heat and disappointment were building, stressing me out, and reminded me to stay Zen. It has a big impact. I quickly realized we were getting a chance to have an adventure, to be challenged and grow, and to make more memories. Sometimes I wonder who's here to teach whom. Maybe we're both like in "What Dreams May Come." After returning to her place and ensuring all car-related needs were addressed, we returned home. Tommy's Turo of the Y ended this evening, and rental #2 began tonight, for a full month! He rented, though, a high-end Mercedes sports car, driving it recklessly and revving it down our street. Who rents their car out to kids? I cannot wait for him to mature enough to show some consideration for others. It's not a guarantee that he will, but it is certainly my hope.

Insights: Evolution is the integration of awareness into instinct.

⚖️ 171.1(-0.3) ❤️64(62-113) 👣 7,922/3.6mi

 

Highlights: A beautiful day. Seeing "Spamalot". Ruben's at the Refuge. A stunning sunset. Watching "Monty Python & the Holy Grail" to close out the day.

Insights: Perception is highly subjective. How many times have I made assumptions about the actions and intentions of others only to later find myself having been completely off base? Last night, for example, I had immediate concerns about a woman on a bike at the light rail station, just standing nearby, watching us walk to and board the train. I immediately thought it was an ideal scenario for someone to "smash and grab" the moment the train departed. Shortly before it did someone drove in, she put the bike on their vehicle, got in, and drove away. In other instances, email, texts, interpretations, and presumptions can be challenging for both senders and receivers. I would better serve myself and others by not assuming they're as judgmental and insecure as I am.

⚖️ 171.1(-0.3) ❤️59(58-100) 👣 4,988/3.7mi ()

Passing Thought: So Unnecessary

So, it seems to me the use of the word "so" at the beginning of a sentence has been on the rise. Perhaps I just notice it more. 'So',' it seems, to me, to be an unnecessary way to begin a sentence. It's a conjunction. "So" joins two thoughts. "So", though, has seemingly worked it way into the realm of "like "as a casual modification. Ok, so what? So now you know, so it goes, sew buttons on your underwear.

(Hey, next week we'll discuss the diet of horses.)

Highlights: A morning visit to Jikoji. Coordination of the PT pickup. Tommy try's Turo. Lauren reconsiders the CNA job. Jen and I light-rail downtown for some PM art and jazz.

⚖️ 171.2(-0.4) ❤️66(63-112) 👣 6,324/2.9mi (🏋️‍♂️)

Highlights: How your coffee. Lauren found a Honda Fit in Sacramento and went to check it out, recognizing that the PT + Mini Cooper funds mostly cover the cost of a safer vehicle with more creature comforts. I got the tint removed from my car roof — it was super quick, and I really love the visibility. It does let in more heat, as expected. I'm okay with that. A glass roof that you can't see out of is rather pointless. I brought home Back-a-Yard for Jen. Hiked Guadalupe Oak Grove Park and recalled a few visits with the cub scouts. Played ball with Lucky. Joined the winter practice. The S. A. D. replacement arrived on the same day the other started working agai. The new one has more options and capabilities so it's in place for an initial test tomorrow morning.

Insights: Mark's story over coffee this morning, recounting his sister hesa's final days last week, pretty much wrecked me. It dramatically reinforced how precious this limited time we get really is, and for me how grateful I am to have Jennifer, Lauren and Tommy, friendships and shared experiences spanning decades, and the chance I have every day to appreciate it all. Including the time I have with my mom. I allow inconsequential things annoy me. The PT Cruiser's disposition will resolve and if not optimal, so be it. The life insurance payment will be returned, even if it necessitates my follow up. I will work to secure our continued balance of finances to the best of my abilities. It will all work out, including what does not. That too will present options. As long as I manage my outlook and release the mindset & illusion of fortune (good or bad). My intentions and responses create my reality. 

⚖️ 171.2(-0.7) ❤️60(57-118) 👣 8,524/3.8mi (🧘‍♂️ 🥾)

I glimpsed what looked like a warm-up to an epic sunrise through squinted waking eyes at around 6:10 AM. Just the momentum of my thought process was a reason to abandon returning to sleep and instead bolt out to sunrise hell to perhaps catch it. So I did, but did not, in that order. En route, it became clear it was too cloudy and grey, so I returned to my chair at the window at home. The sound from the Zendo at Jikoji was problematic again, so I bolted from that as well. An alert email sent me down the rabbit hole to triage a payment decline for their Google Voice accounts. I managed to resolve it while expanding the billing contact to a group address. I juggled several calls and follow-ups regarding the PT before heading out for a few hours. I bought and picked up an annual pass for the County Parks since we'll be using it more as we get out and active. Then I got the call about the PT Cruiser's initial minimum estimate, and my heart sank. $6700! The one thing that did not cross my mind was the limited access to parts. I got a recommendation and called, leaving a mess­age. Getting together with Nevin was wonderful, and I hope we can do so more frequently. I had a hard time afterwards, struggling to manage the car situation, and, at Jens' suggestion, I started backing out and handing off. GNO was good too-the food, setting, and nearby coffee made it a good call. 

⚖️ 171.1(-0.9) ❤️63(59-112) 👣 5,273/2.7mi (🏋️‍♂️)

Highlights: A new coffee bean, "Toraja Sapan Minanga", a medium roast, had a wonderful "red cherry" taste that I have never noted elsewhere. (But the names of some of these beans remind me of the Simpsons episode where the alien says, "I could tell you how to pronounce my name, but I would have to rip your tongue out.") I discovered a way to add & convert notes in reMarkable, making it much easier to capture insights and reflections in my daily journals. We had an encouraging meeting with Fidelity to strategize further for 2027. I have no idea where the hell the PT cruiser is, although I tried. I managed to finish the steps for my mom to get the insurance payout. Matt Jen, Cindy, and I went to a picnic and a pickup at Fogarty. It was a perfect day, and the clear view spanned from SF to Mt. Hamilton.    

Insights: A reference was made today as to a higher degree of awareness beyond our limited perceptions and "default mode network". I feel that I have briefly glimpsed this on a few fleeting moments of presence and awareness of nature, transition, impermanence, and how little we have control over (being only our thoughts, if we work hard). This is a goal of mine. To break from the delusion of anything beyond awareness and acceptance.  

⚖️ 171.1(-1) ❤️61(56-117) 👣 7,003/3.1mi (🧘‍♂️ 🏃‍♂️)

I was wrestling with my thoughts and my mood this morning, which, in turn, meant I was wrestling with perspective and viewpoint. I did not reach my target weight despite an aggressive effort, and I did not sleep well. I have every reason to expect to find the toilet full of urine that a 22-year-old "med student "can't seem to flush. Things are not going the way I want them to, and so my emotions and ego go to a place of disappointment, anger, and resentment. How does that change anything? It certainly does me no good. It won't gain me lost sheep, shave another pound or even flush the toilet for an adult who professes gratitude yet exhibits disregard. This is all what it is. I can change very little beyond my response. The weight will come off, sleep will happen, and at a minimum, he will be moving out in June. That's my response. I read a passage today about thoughts being chaotic, random, and ever-changing, yet we hold on to one and respond to it without keeping our broader perspectives. It was well-timed and gave me cause to reflect, which rippled throughout my day, as did a separate passage about being honest with yourself about your true nature and character. That came into play as tensions flared over the fact that my morning anticipation had been realized—the flushing one. Then the walk plans with Jen pivoted to include the dog. He's a very challenging dog to walk, and I find it distracting, frust­rating and embarrassing. It changes the experience. I had spent the morning managing the repairs on the PT cruiser for Lauren and my mom, and things went very well. There was a moment, though, when it seemed the body shop would not work on it because it was designated "salvage" by the insurance company. Fortunately, I was able to convey the facts, and they fully understood the situation. We will hopefully get more good news tomorrow. Once that was done, I was getting my mom's appointments managed before we hiked. Jen and I worked on the review and revision of our Trust, wills and all that fun stuff before bed. 

⚖️ 171.2(-1) ❤️64(57-116) 👣 11,107/4.9mi (🧘‍♂️ 🏋️‍♂️ 🥾)

Overall, I would rate my initial ear-camping trial as a 7-8 out of 10. Although not at all "luxury", the mattress was more comfortable than initially expected. It made for a relatively restful night, given the change of space. Any issues were minor ones (HVAC sound, pillow vs open space behind the front seats) that can be easily managed and have already been solved by many online. I heard no bears or monsters, only Tommy arriving home around 12:40. I'll be looking around this week for a fair price to remove the added roof tint now that I have confirmed the interior roof shade I have is a viable and simple solution for the summer sun. I am tempted to look for retractable aftermarket options, they're a bit costly and hard to justify on a fixed income. I had a sincere and serious intention to tackle the full day's backlog of tasks, yet as the morning inched along and I thought more about things, I wanted to coast. So I got up and started on the tasks before I talked my­self out of it. I got a lot done, as did Jen. All household maintenance, upkeep, yardwork, not­hing noteworthy. It just felt productive and rewarding to have gotten ahead rather than fallen behind.

⚖️ 171.4(-1) ❤️58(55-115) 👣 4,918/2.3mi