Highlight(s): Fun evening with Jon and Cheryl and Jen and Sangria Swirls and Bialie wines. Good work day. Heavy effort to manage OPS related arch needs w/some exec pushback. Will discuss w/CEO Monday. Confident we have it covered.

Gratitude: Hearing

Goal: Lots going on tomorrow. Balance.

Anticipation: PM w/mom and Lindsey at Meza Luna.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness

Highlight(s): Dropped kids at school - walked dog - good work day (lots of juggling tasks). Philz/Campbell dog-park outing.

Gratitude: The dog is making me far more active, and that's such a good thing. He's also a lot of fun to play with. :-)

Goal: Engaged onsite day in RWC tomorrow.

Watched/Read/Listened To: REM documentary - man, I'm old.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Kids dropped 1x1. Good focused work day. Took a lunch walk w/Scottie and another at 6pm. Kids returned, I'd done Pastrami and BBQ Beef. Tossed football and cleaned up. Low key day.

Gratitude: Low key days :-)

Goal: Another focused day tomorrow and more writing

Anticipation: Meditation resumed today, continue tomorrow.

Watched/Read/Listened To: A New Earth - loving it.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Jen was off today while I worked from home. And Crema. Dog park visit for lunch showed him getting more comfortable w/other dogs but when I picked up the kids w/Scottie and was invited to the back yard to let he and Lucky play, it was awesome. They really hit it off and he was more engaged than ever. That was great. Tommy did scouts, Lauren worked on a project and I cleaned up and prep'd for work day tomorrow.

Gratitude: The day w/Jen was awesome. I love how well we get along.

Goal: Meditation - I've been slacking

Anticipation: Meeting up w/and supporting a friend in need.

Read/Listened To: A New Earth (Tolle). Watched One Strange Planet (briefly) - will return to that one!

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Jennifer's Back


Gratitude: Jennifer's Back


Watched/Read/Listened To: A Dogs Purpose.


Accomplishments: Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Tommy returned from camping and stayed with me for the day. Nice leisurely day. Errands, cleaning, dog-time.

Gratitude: Grateful to have 1-1 time with each of them.

Goal: Focus on Jen's return.

Anticipation: Jen's return.

Watched/Read/Listened To: "What's My Name" - Ali documentary. Inspirational and touching.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s) Tommy off to assist cub-scouts camping at Ed Levin. Lauren/I solo w/Scottie. Ran a few errands, took him to dog park, went to see "A Dog's Journey", then took some supplies and ice cream to Ed Levin (with Lucky). Sweet Retreat, mountain drive, home, sleep. Nice day. Hard time still with dog idiosyncrasies. Frustrating to not always know what's going on. Am getting more insight into some things though.

Goal: tomorrow: run errands and fully clean house.

Anticipation: Rainy day.

Watched/Read/Listened To: A Dog's Journey w/Lauren.

dropped kids at school and went into RWC for retrospective and planning. All went well. Scottie was given access to front yard via dining room side window without screen. All was fine when I returned - seemed to have stayed inside most of the day. Good to have the chance to see things are going to be manageable. �Dog park, wingstop and movie w/Lauren.

Gratitude: Glad to have a 3 day weekend ahead.

Goal: Keep focused for 2 more days on my 10day efforts

Anticipation: Jen's return Monday!

Watched/Read/Listened To: Five Feet Apart and Free Solo (partial)

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Jogged 1/3 mile w/the dog this am – felt good to get some movement. He still did the 'panting and shaking' but no drooling and the lethargy disappeared the min the kids arrived. Pretty telling. It's about missing people or feeling along. He did well waiting in the car during some PM errands (note to self: never agree to take tommy anywhere without expecting it to take longer than you think). Found it really irritating that walking the dog w/them = distractions = no pooping (dog). Tried to separate them but it was too late. I need to let go of trying to control such things. There's no battle of wills, it's a dog wanting to see my kids. Clearly meant a lot to him. He's w/lauren so far, tonight, on her bed. Will see how that goes through the night.

Gratitude: Glad to have more insight into the dog's moods.

Goal: Improve my ability to let go of control and focus only on my reactions, the only thing I truly do have control over.

Anticipation: Hoping that leaving him tomorrow 8am - 1pm will go ok. Although I want to all him to have back yard/front yard access i am hesitant about doing so, just don't want him going crazy trying to get out of the back yard.

Accomplishments: Walking Parenting Cleanup

Solo day, dog to Philz and he did well waiting. Walked Oak Meadow. Returned. He started behaving really really weird. Panting, drooling, wedging himself into corners/tight spaces. Listlessly meandering. Something not right. Took to Banfield nearby and just bringing out the leash he perked up. Walked him before and he was ok. Inside and he was the same. Dr said he's fine. I suspect it's depression, change of environment, missing kids/Jen, all of the above. Maybe just overwhelmed. Not sure. Will try letting him sleep w/crate open or wherever he wants. But it's been a pretty stressful day trying to figure it out.

After dropping kids, had a nice calm working day until I let the dog out as a runner ran by and whoosh…., the dog ran after him, easily squeezing right through the gate bars. I was afraid that'd happen. I put him in the house w/access to back yard while I ran and got a barrier and returned to find he'd totally muddied himself trying to get through the side gate in the rain. Had to bathe him. Wasn't upset just inconvenienced but he was so happy to see me, mud and all. Put the barrier up. Met with Lauren's Math teacher w/Linda to ensure she's focused on recovering grades. Went to Jeff's for casual dinner with he and Dave. Drank a small taste of each wine but maintained distance beyond that and feel good about my efforts, with a small rule bend. Great conversation. Lots of varied topics. Scotty was great when I returned. Played, walked, and he's snoring away in his crate.

Gratitude: Friends that challenge and support at the same time.

Goal: Not really thrilled about doing so but I'll go into office tomorrow just for the sake of being seen.

Anticipation: Downtime tomorrow. No plans.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Dog came along to school drop off. Lost his mind dropping off Lauren, and again with Tommy. Really interesting how he responded. Made me think he might have had prior experience with kids/school drop off.... almost like he wanted to go find his prior family. I spent time while working (lots to juggle) moving from inside/outside and leaving him solo to get him accustomed to being along. Walked him and left him, pee'd and poop'd out, while Matt B and I went w/kids to see Snow Patrol. Sound sucked but performances were powerful. Returned home to find the house unstained! Seemingly, at least. No indication of any accidents. I'll check again in the am but damn... the dog faired really well on his own.

Gratitude: Above... the dog acclimating and being ok solo for 6+ hours.

Goal: Don't break my 10 day focus tomorrow - don't drink. At all. Yeah, I'm taking a great bottle but I want to do this. It's just 10 days. It's not necessary to enjoy dinner.

Anticipation: Another outing tomorrow PM with hopes for another successful leaving of Scottie alone. Should be much less of a stretch of time too.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Pleasant day with the kids. Ran a few errands w/the dog along, settled in for most of the afternoon. Made Clam Chowder and Caprese Salad for my Mom, Lindsey and Ryan. A few walks w/Scottie. Simple nice day.

Goal: Fully engaged work day tomorrow.

Anticipation: Snow Patrol w/kids.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Jennifer left for a 10-day trip to the east coast and i'm using the occasion to spend 10 days getting traction around a few personal goals. Today i spent the day with Scottie, getting him acclimated to car rides and waiting in the car for short stretches. He did great. Latter 1/2 of the day was household or 'task list' busy work but a roaring fire and my diligence at not turning on the TV helped me avoid distraction. It was great. Almost like being away from home in a sense. It was refreshing. But, being growled at while trying to get a "bullystick" from the dog at bedtime wasn't how I wanted to end the day.

Gratitude: My having accomplished day 1 of this focused effort/time. There were a few moments i wanted to give into temptations but I did not and I feel the rewards of doing so.

Goal: Make tomorrow bearable by making advance agreements w/the kids about screen time limits and enforcing them.

Anticipation: Lindsey and my mom coming for dinner.

Listened To: Billy Holiday, Diana Krall, She & Him, Costello and Sinatra.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness

Early arrival at work only to find meetings cancelled. Returned to home for remainder of the day. Further progress on outsourcing needs. Good level of focus, engagement, and good avoidance of distractions too.

Gratitude: Glad to have a chance to have some focus time/space for self awareness.

Goal: Spend tomorrow working on self focused tasks and needs.

Anticipation: Rain and a roaring fire.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Actualized.org. Calm "Breaking bad habits".

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Parent-Teacher meeting w/Tommy's Matt Teacher went reasonably well as did leaving the dog solo.

Gratitude: Jennifer's infectious laugh.

Goal: Drop 10 in 10

Anticipation: Leaving the dog solo 9-2pm tomorrow.

Watched: "Above Us Only Sky" - Lennon/Imagine Documentary

Accomplishments: Meditation Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Low key day. Worked. Took Lauren and Scottie to mom's. Nothing else noteworthy.

Gratitude: I was reflecting on an opportunity I had to help ensure a colleague was able to address some health issues and I'm glad I was empowered to do so.

Goal: continue working on key focus priories in work and home.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Good work day - 1st offshore interview went well, dev team juggled new/existing issue with finnese. Got the brakes done at Autobahn vis new co-owner Chris. Reasonable total too. Walked around Campbell downtown w/the dog. It's interesting how he's 'forcing' a level of activity I needed but didn't pursue as aggressively. It's also been fun to meet others, it invokes more conversations. Tommy did scouts and having them both with me tonight feels right. I've missed them. We're gonna take Scottie to my mom's tomorrow pm.

Gratitude: I feel good about looking at things with a positive attitude. It's not always so for me, but I like to think it's more frequent than not.

Goal: Keep working on getting Tommy more engaged in home presence vs going isolated in his room..

Anticipation: AM walk w/dog - might try a run to starbucks if time allows.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Worked from home in order to try out some options for leaving Scottie solo when going to work. Found the front gate being locked and leaving the patio door open worked quite well. I'm pretty confident that's sufficient. Walked him around Willow Glen after work. Low key night.

Gratitude: Glad landlord is supportive of the dog. Great people.

Goal: Get brakes fixed this week.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Last Week Tonight

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking

Mother's Day. Dropped kids at LG Cafe. Their mom appreciated their gift and hopefully they had a positive day. Took Scottie for a walk in LG Creek Trail beforehand – he loved it of course. Ran a few errands, took another walk later and realized having some repellant on hand would be wise when a tethered pit-bull made it clear he'd attack him were he not tethered.


Gratitude: I'm grateful that most people seem to respect the leash laws but there's lots that do not and the has always annoyed the hell out of me.


Goal: Look into training options for the dog.


Anticipation: Getting a lot of outsourcing prep done this week.


Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Tommy went to a conservation event w/Gavin for scout credits. Lauren/I killed time in Los Gatos. Went with Jen to an animal rescue place and came home with "Scottie". Estimated 5yr old. Cute. But I don't want or need any more responsibility so I acquiesced but I have reservations. What's done is done. We'll see what comes of it.

Goal: Dog-proof the house/yard tomorrow.

1st onsite EngArch went well. Good use of time. Good work day. Jen was out, kids dropped, off, Lauren "hangry". Really hangry. "lost it" with me in car en route to Wingstop. I've always wondered when the bubble would burst as far as the rapport we have and when I'd become 'annoying'. But it's ok. It was short lived and it's healthy too for them to rebel and push back. I'm glad it was brief and I think there's lots of factors, and accuracies, as to her struggles with her brother, mother and even me. I'll work harder to be less annoying. It's just what dads do. Tommy wanted to watch 17 again, and we did, but the bailed 1/2 way through. Finished with Lauren. Would like to make my goal tomorrow to have some good 1:1 with both.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting

Onsite exec meeting w/some very direct and open dialog about the past year and year ahead. Felt good to call out some concerns without holding back. We'll see if there's opportunities to evolve from this. Kids at Matson. Football w/Tommy. Lauren making Crepes for class project. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to be in 1:1 experiences with both kids. Doing EngArch meeting onsite tomorrow, hoping it's a good use of time. Looking forward to a nice weekend.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

WFH day and a few issue to juggle. Had to push back on 'too many cooks' trying to get into our kitchen and just ask that we be allowed to resolve without interference. Picked up a shelf/stand for patio TV on lunch break. Pissed away a kidney stone for the 1st time AFAIK. Really amazed to be honest. The experience was sureal. It wasn't painful, but I felt it pass and thought WTF was that!? Stunned, but the recent pain/issues for the past week start to make sense now. I'd been trying to get into a urologist but didn't in time. Medical processes are an insulting joke. But that's all "passed" now. I hope. I'm really grateful I didn't endure the pain family and friends have had w/these sort of issues, it could have been a lot worse to go though. I'll take a momentary sensation and surprise over a week of agonizing pain any day. Tomorrow is a big exec/board meeting in RWC and I'm anxious about the discussions and pensive about how much I'll say or not say about my own perspectives. Will being direct result in cutting myself off at the knees? Made a Costco run w/Jen and watch SNL. Moving tribute by Adam Sandler for Chris Farley. Another reminder of mortality. Looking forward to getting the physical copy of "BiG". Oh, and Lauren reached out last night wanting to get the CALM app. I love the idea that she might find some inroad to mediation and reflection therein. I got her setup today w/my access so she can start exploring.


Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Lunch with Eric and deep thought discussions. Putting aside a moderate vice while increasing meditation as a means to further promote balance and awareness. Re-enforcing my focus and intention for 2019. Ordered "Before I Go" physical book as a step to further engaging in the project.


Gratitude: To be alive and living in a relatively safe society. There's so many horrible places I could be, and might not survive in.


Goal: Full court press to get the sprint 100% completed tomorrow w/time to spare.


Anticipation: Getting a walk into my day tomorrow .


Watched: Keepers of the Magic


Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Cleanup

Releasing My Vice Grip

I've been extremely irritable recently, and I am beginning to attribute that irritability to some of my recreational indulgences. I did a bit of research and found that there is a correlation of irritability that can come from the use of cannabis. I’m somewhat apprehensive to mention any use of cannabis on this blog, because I expect that it will be something my friends and family read, or will read at some point. Although I am far from what I would consider a habitual user of alcohol or marijuana, I have some, and have used it in moderation. I have had a medical prescription since I had Guillame Barre.

Highlight(s): Day was OK but stress about work and fatigue are impacting my mom. Cranky as hell right now. Irritated by everything and angry too.

Goal: Try to get some better perspecrive tomorrow.

Anticipation: Sync up w/Eric will be good.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness

Highlight(s): Garage reorganization. Dropped things at Savers. Threw football around. Ran a few errands. Nothing of substance. Really angry that I wanted to shower but knowing that if I didn't do the dishes and put away all the food that'd been cooked, it might not get done. That and the chaos of kids makes me cranky as fuck. Sometimes i think I'm too OCD but i can't stand food being left out and dishes piling up. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I hate it.

Gratitude: Tommy washing our cars, just because, not for money.

Goal: Get traction on my 'death prep'

Anticipation: Seeing Eric Fisher Tues.

Watched/Read/Listened To: The Fault in our Stars w/Lauren.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Midtown Visit : Old Soul, Fremont Park (art show), Shady Lady, Capital Park, Aioli, Ginger Elizabeth.

Gratitude: Having transportation

Goal: Do nothing tomorrow. Nothing.

Anticipation: Achieving my goal.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Good work day. Bought Hamilton tix. Made Ice Cream.

Gratitude: Comforts of home.

Goal: Proactively work to secure my position supporting my responsibilities.

Anticipation: Sac visit tomorrow.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Royal Tenenbaum & Knock Down The House

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Fragmented work day even with the best of efforts/intention. lazy evening. Nothing significant to capture beyond my admiration for Wes Anderson's creatively.

Gratitude: Love of cinema

Goal: more focused workday tomorrow. Less fragmentation.

Anticipation: Perhaps watching "Royal Tennenbaums"?

Watched/Read/Listened To: The Fantastic Mr Fox.

Accomplishments: Meditation Stretching

Highlight(s): The day gets away from me sometimes. I write this at days end and struggle to remember all the things that happened that, at the time, were noteworthy. I dropped both kids off and went to RWC for scrum/monthly all-hands, then worked outside for a bit until crappy wifi wore me down. A crow was really chatty. Then I worked from home but was really tired too. Kids were dropped, made a Costco run, got some stuff for lunches.

Gratitude: Lauren enjoying library and doing homework.

Goal: Work out logistics for Mother's Day plans for their mom, Jen, my mom too.

Anticipation: Working from home, getting a walk in too.

Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Parenting