Highlight(s): Lauren/I had a brief breakfast at Sweet Pea Cafe. The usual. Caught up on her trip. Edgewood Park hike : 2.5miles of good walking and movement. Wildflowers just beginning to come into view.

Gratitude: The good intention I have in managing my obligations to my kids and their mom and their home. .

Goal: Meditation and writing resurgence

Anticipation: A good work day, onsite, engaged.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Lorena parts 2 and 3.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Living In Fear

I awoke at 4.30am to what sounded like a soft set of 3 knocks. I dismissed it as imagination. Then a few moments later I heard it again, and assume it was my son at the bedroom door. I got up and opened it and he was not there. But the patio and driveway lights, motion triggered, were both on.

Highlight(s): Tommy decided to skip free diving, to his credit he did so based on the profile of the possible dive partner being questionable. Proud of his character. Such an awesome son. We ended up going to the "Rise Against Hunger" scouting event on his suggestion. It was great. Then while he got some things from Pano Tom gave me a slew of Myer lemons from his yard. Dropped 'em at my moms, drove around in Jen's mercedes before getting it washed at Saratoga Classic Car Wash. Returned to Matson. Skipped going to Matts. Marioni's dropped by and visited around fire pit which was great. Lauren retuned from ThesCon. Pretty full day. All good.

Gratitude: days like today. Good to be alive.

Goal: Wildflower outing tomorrow.

Anticipation: Seeing my daughter and hearing about her trip.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Decent work day, progress on sprint retro and outsourcing. WFH PM on the Patio. Moved wood, bbq and cushion bin around. Ready for spring evenings.

Gratitude: Nice weather.

Goal: Meditation slipping… get back on it. Also, walk a good deal tomorrow while Tommy's in the water. Coastal path back/forth. Get photos, keep an eye on them, but enjoy the place, too.

Anticipation: Lauren's return from ThesCon!

Watched/Read/Listened To: Astronomy for People in a Hurry.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

I Do What I Want

As I walked to my car after a recent meetup with a long time friend who’s going through some personal/transitional events in their life, I found myself hoping that my sincere efforts to give them some feedback and share my own experiences, having been in similar situations, might resonate and help them out. I also thought about how much I wanted to not only be supportive, but to be recognized as such by my friends and those around me.

Why that latter part? The need to be known as caring or giving?

There’s people I interact with on a daily basis in my work life that I still don’t really know much about. When I do take the time to get to know somebody, I always enjoy doing so, and I walk away with the recognition of ‘yet another soul’ in the sphere of my own influence as well as being an opportunity to be influenced by. But there’s as many or more people who don’t know much of me, or likely give me a second thought. Just as have been many ‘ancillary’ players in the dramas of my own life’s past.

People come and go, ebb and flow, throughout all of our lives, and those that get close enough tend to get the most consideration, even if the forces of time might eventually move them out of reach, in any of the ways that could occur, be it physically or emotionally or both.

Life sets us out on interwoven paths that tend to end like a rope that frays. Some strands connect and strength for awhile, some mesh permanently, while others contribute to the overall cohesion while never making direct contact at all.

As I consider the realm of my own influences, and in a case such as today when I reach out to respond to somebody I see as potentially needing some connection or direction, I catch myself hoping that it's recognized and influential. What I do (smiling at a colleague as we pass each other in the hall, take the time to make eye contact, make conversation, reach out to a friend in need) are all things I want myself. I want to be supported, smiled at, looked in the eye, reached out too, etc. I do what I want.

Highlight(s): Enjoyed catching up w/BL at Philz. Frustrated w/work and sprint commit failure yet again. Pissed. Bad mood all day. Fuck-it attitude on high. Leave it at that.

Highlight(s): Rainy AM/Afternoon. WFH, so I lit the 1st fire and loved it. Went through a lot of wood, pretty much burned from 10am-10pm. May get more tomorrow if time/circumstances allow. Lauren arrived ThesCon safely.

Gratitude: That my daughter's so confident

Anticipation: Coffee w/BL tomorrow

Watched "Lorena" documentary part 1. /Read/Listened To Astrophysics for People In A Hurry.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Got a slew of firewood, a rack, fireplace tools and more via craigslist. Got to see Neil Tyson DeGrasse give a talk in San Jose. Great meal at "the Grill" too. Nice change of pace/eventful day.

Gratitude: Grateful for the kindness of strangers and friends.

Goal: Focus on sprint end related tasks tomorrow

Anticipation: Using fireplace for the 1st time.

Highlight(s): Worked w/Lauren further on ThesCon model. Let Tommy 'geek' since we'll have Thur/Fri/Sat solo to do things.

Gratitude: Grateful for the year so far. It's only Q1 but feels like so much has 'settled'.

Goal: write write write

Anticipation: WFH rainy day and thrifting PM w/Jen

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Worked w/Lauren on her v2 stage model. Coming along nicely. Tommy returned from Scouts and wanted to stay at Pano. Visited my mom briefly.

Gratitude: Great to have some 1:1 time working on the model w/Lauren. Love her creativity.

Goal: Start writing more than just this.

Anticipation: Having both kids w/me tomorrow.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting

Highlight(s): Dropped Lauren. Crema w/Jen. GOBM/Smart n Final (big haul). Dinner at Steve/Dianas w/Matt and Gene/Bobbie.

Gratitude: Jen. Just awesome to have what we have.

Anticipation: Lauren/I working on her TechCon project rework.

Highlight(s): Decent workday – recognized frustrations on prod and my team's sides. Need to address them. Escalated concerns about ND's status too (desk cleared?). Had kids off schedule to cover Linda, dropped Tommy off for 2 nights at Grant Ranch Scouting and Lauren was a school for tech con prep until 8.30. Helped work on her model and will continue tomorrow am.

Gratitude: My kids good character.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Fyre Fraud. Amazing how sociopathic some people can be.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting

Highlight(s): Philz after dropping kids. Nice to see friends, get out of the house. Work was good. Made nice dinner and chatted w/Jen which was a welcome respite from the routine chaos.

Gratitude: I'm learning to measure my feeling like I need to have all the answers and that it's ok to just listen and reflect.

Watched/Read/Listened To: "The Inventor" : HBO documentary about Thernos. Great accompaniment to having read the book Bad Blood.

Anticipation: Routine onsite Friday : diving into scoping out some critical needs for current projects and outsourcing options too.

Goals: Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Early stat in RWC after dropping Lauren. Full and positive day onsite. PM triage of "visitnum" bug due to release week prior – good team response and resolution underway. Great AM call re. Outsourcing too. Kids dropped, Tommy haircut, Lauren worked on ThesCon model.

Gratitude: Glad to have had a good workday. Glad to feel confident in my role.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Finished "The Book". Need to re-read with less interruptions.

Anticipation: May try hitting Philz in the am.

Goals: Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Scout "Court of Honor" meeting w/kids. Tommy stayed w/his mom vs coming home w/me which was fine. Lauren/I did mountain drive. She wore a Fedora and rocked it.

Gratitude: Glad I have friends at Scouts still. But I feel judged by some that have likely been influenced by stories, accusations or assumptions. Sorta sucks.

Goal: Keep focused on health and movement.

Anticipation: Full day tomorrow at RWC office

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Nothing worth noting, really.


Gratitude: Having enjoyed another lovely sunny day.


Watched/Read/Listened To: Good Podcast about Bullshit Detection (see twitter feed)


Anticipations: WFH Tuesday. Maybe work from Philz or Crema or Starbucks. Having kids tomorrow.


Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

A Pet's Passing

When my son walked in the door on Friday night he started the conversation with news I did not expect to hear. Pumpkin died.

Before my departure from the house, we got the kids a pair of rabbits. “Kip” and “Pumpkin”. Kip was his, Pumpkin was hers. Pumpkin and Kip have been loved and adored by my daughter for the past 6 years. They have meant everything to her, and she has been their primary caretaker.

As I understand it, my daughter found Pumpkin dead in the rabbit hutch. Kip was “standing guard” over her body. When my daughter had let them out to play in the yard the night before, they were active and everything seemed fine. But Friday, before leaving to be dropped at my house, my daughter went to check on them. They had to deal with this and run out the door. I was told by their mom that they were running late but not why.

Highlight(s): Fun day thrifting with Jen. Wonderful weather = relaxing solo patio time.

Goal: Walked tonight 1m, do it again tomorrow.

Anticipation: Hoping to get another 1/2 day working outside in good weather while it lasts.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Binge-watched "After Life" on Netflix. I appreciated it's core message about the impact we have on others lives.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Lauren had Tech Theater. Jen dropped her at 10 so Tommy/I could go to Monterey. He went free diving with Nick and friends. I flew his drone and got a bunch of great shots. Got him/Nick burritos. Returned, threw football around. Met neighbors Anna (think "Anna Sun") and Tom (easy to remember. Threw the ball around more. Tommy worked at Marioni house party (St Patricks). Lauren/Jen watched movies. I ran back/forth and work on some iMovie stuff. Good day.

Gratitude: So really grateful for and conscious of the privileges I have (where i live, what we have access to, having the means to enjoy it).

Goal: Take advantage of the nice weather and get out tomorrow.

Anticipation: Getting out tomorrow. Likely do some wine tasting in Morgan Hill area.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Jen/Lauren watched "The Miracle Season" and I caught bits/pieces of it. Moving true story.

Accomplishments: Walking Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Good day at work. Strong day for optins which was really positive. 1:1 w/a direct report about engagement went well too. BurgetIM : "Party Pack" - leftovers for tomorrow. Tab cookies + lunch + burgers don't add up to good dietary day but tomorrow can be a recovery day. Brief tensions w/Tommy. Carries frustrations from elsewhere into here. I get that but doesn't make it OK.

Gratitude: Strong recovery at work means a bit less anxiety but not going to assume the best.

Goal: Good 1:1 time w/Tommy going to Monterey.

Anticipation: Monterey, photography, maybe drone stuff.

Accomplishments: Meditation Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): RIP Pumpkin, Lauren's rabbit of 5 yrs, who was fine last night and gone this afternoon. Sad for my daughter, grateful for her brother's compassion. Life lessons can suck.

Gratitude: Grateful to have the kids with us tonight through Sunday am.

Goal: Keep calm and carry on.

Anticipation: BurgerIM tomorrow - family pack of burgers.

Watched/Read/Listened To: The Book (Watts)

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Nothing noteworthy.

Gratitude: Nice sunny day, really enjoyed the weather. Glad to not live in extremes.

Goal: 1mile walk tomorrow – no excuses

Anticipation: Another sunny day, and WFH on Patio or outdoor table if warm enough.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Decent but chaotic work day managing several fire fights. Nature of the beast. Good GNO w/the guys - wanted to bail out of laziness and depression but knew I needed it and I did. It was refreshing. Keto tossed to the curb but back on it tomorrow. Closing the night w/a bit of Highland Single Malt, Bose OE and Cass County. Jagger 'n Henley? Haggard 'n Henley?? Yeah… it works well. Wish I'd see his solo tour.

Gratitude: Having the desire to want to impart lessons learned to others that might benefit from my experience.

Goal: More time getting critical needs addressed – reading, writing, movement.

Anticipation: Thinking of a night at Stanford Theater tomorrow for some Hitchcock.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Before I Go

Accomplishments: Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Good focus in workday. Concerns remain though as to latest discussions. Fully engaged day. Kids here again. Great time out front throwing football around until dark. Spent some time working on USB music collection for car.

Gratitude: Grateful for having found some keys to peace/happiness in focus and routines.

Goal: Progress on outsourcing efforts tomorrow.

Anticipation: Sunny WFH day.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Calm "Understanding Depression" audio throughout the day. "Goldbergs" with kids.

Accomplishments: Meditation Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Made Ruben Strada for kids breakfast. Macy's store closing sale = Tommy Hilfiger sign for Tommy and "Lucky Brand" T-shirt for Lauren. Other stuff too. Tried BurgerIM down the street (good, a bit pricey but good). ULTRA FRUSTRATING experience trying to get Lauren setup on previously created Amazon amount. Took over an hour and made me livid. Some of this stuff is just buried if available at all and combined with her phone dying in middle of a support-line text conversation just added to the irritation. Threshold is low because stress is back up. Work, taxes, Linda, all adding tension.

Gratitude: I really am grateful that I have options in life for support

Goal: Get through tomorrow's exec meetings w/out snapping out of frustration that the issues we face were not addressed sooner.

Anticipation: Hoping for a calm WFH afternoon.

Accomplishments: Meditation Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Kidless day. Impromptu breakfast at Pantry w/Marya and Rosendo was fun. Putz'd around RWC, got a few items from IKEA. Didn't do much else besides stress about work concerns, and managing email correspondences w/Linda about work, kids, financials, interpretations of legal agreements, etc. Overwhelmed.

Gratitude: It's hard to maintain a daily gratitude journal sometimes when the pressures are building. I know i have lots to be grateful for. Lots.

Goal: Start an aggressive contingency plan plan.

Anticipation: Hoping to have a pleasant home-base day tomorrow - perhaps see a movie.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Bill Maher. Wasn't worth it. I could have made better use of the time.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Onsite RWC - good sprint planning. Good lunch chat w/colleagues. WFH PM - Patio until too cold then inside. Opt'd to chill out a bit and watch some very funny "John Mulaney" standup on Netflix. Hilarious stuff.
Gratitude: So grateful that my kids/I have the rapport we do. Tommy called about getting phone related issue worked out w/his mom and i did well coaching further, although it wasn't what he wanted to hear. Had a "quack" exchange w/Lauren which has been missing and needs to be kept alive. Love them both. So much. And although I have serious distain (blog post forthcoming) about a text exchange w/their mom I'm really proud of having taken the high road.
Goal: Sleep. Deep deep sleep.
Anticipation: No plans tomorrow at all and jus thrilled to 'wing it'.
Watched/Read/Listened To: Conscious Parenting via CALM app
Accomplishments: Meditation Walking Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Dropped kids, enjoyed rain on the patio roof. Good meetings and follow up tasks. Rolled relatively well with the realization that one of the divorce settlement parameters is worded in a way that can cause confusion. As bothered as I am to learn this, I don't want to make it a bigger issue than it need be. And some really offensive texts tonight also could have but did not result in triggering a like response. I am trying my best to be my best and not engage in offensive defense.

Gratitude: Grateful that my kids are with me as much as they are. I can't imagine how fathers might be ok w/less than 50% custody.

Anticipation: Just want a low drama day tomorrow.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Calm Masterclass on Parenting.

Accomplishments: Stretching Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Moved to new MBPro overnight. Wrestling with post-migration issues but trying to roll with it. Great work day. Great evening w/kids and my mom. WFH day tomorrow.

Gratitude: My kids good nature w/my mom.

Anticipation: WFH Tomorrow and hoping for a rainy day.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting

Highlight(s): Quarterly Board Meeting onsite. Rainy Day. Got kids from Pano, got Chipotle for Tommy, dropped at scouts and got Lauren out of a cranky mood w/a forced stop at Happy Hound. Drove around for 1.5hrs listening to Hamilton. Returned to get Tommy, back to Matson. Homework, showers, etc.

Gratitude: Grateful that Lauren referred to Matson as home. Feels nice to think she feels that way about it. Not to take away from Pano, but to feel welcome and comfortable and not transitory.

Goal: Didn't get a walk in today but hope to have time tomorrow between meetings in RWC.

Accomplishments: Parenting Cleanup

Gratitude: My upbringing - compared to others it was healthy and happy. It wasn't perfect but there wasn't abuse.

Goal: Get a good walk in tomorrow.

Anticipation: Seeing the kids tomorrow.

Accomplishments: Meditation Stretching Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Got up early to make a great breakfast – fluffy scrambled eggs, bacon, cheese, bagels, Odwalla. Dropped kids. Went to Sunnyvale (Macys closing sale = stellar deals/gifts and fun pics of Mannequins. Cloudy/rainy day on patio enjoying the sound of rain on the metal roof. Shut down tech early and just laid back and was 'present' in the moment.

Gratitude: I'm grateful that I have such a harmonious and easy-going relationship with Jennifer. It's so rewarding to just be myself.

Goal: More time NOT filled w/errands, to-do's and distractions. I get so much more out of my time when it's not in reaction mode. I really want to spend a full evening just reading a book and nothing else.

Anticipation: Considering returning to Macys for more deals and seeing my mom tomorrow too.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Curb Your Enthusiasm. I was just not in the mood to 'go deep' earlier.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Cleanup

Highlight(s): Tommy/Colm had a great day-long Minecraft session and it was wonderful to support and listen to them. Took Lauren to IKEA for breakfast at her request, then shopped for some TechCon clothes, then she worked TheaterTech until 10. Whittled down a list of to-do tasks. Spent PM watching some short-vids with Tommy about aircraft carriers including Hornet, and night sky photography. Good bonding time. Trying to also restore his white Vans. Outcome TBD.

Goal: Get up early, meditate, make a big omelet and return kids with a positive start.

Anticipation: A good rainy day reading if all goes well.

Watched/Read/Listened To: Hamilton soundtrack and some 3 stooges.

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup

Highlight(s): Good Retrospective, long planning, Joe's going-away. Lauren at Tech then IHOP until 11.30 w/tech crew (picked her up against her wishes but oh well). Tommy lost in LOTR Minecraft. Site hack attempt thwarted by Mike/Eugene/Richard.

Gratitude: Glad to have a chance to use the word "thwarted'. Not a frequent one.

Goal: Get out and move tomorrow.

Listened To: The Book (Watts)

Accomplishments: Mindfulness Parenting Cleanup