Before my departure from the house, we got the kids a pair of rabbits. “Kip” and “Pumpkin”. Kip was his, Pumpkin was hers. Pumpkin and Kip have been loved and adored by my daughter for the past 6 years. They have meant everything to her, and she has been their primary caretaker.
As I understand it, my daughter found Pumpkin dead in the rabbit hutch. Kip was “standing guard” over her body. When my daughter had let them out to play in the yard the night before, they were active and everything seemed fine. But Friday, before leaving to be dropped at my house, my daughter went to check on them. They had to deal with this and run out the door. I was told by their mom that they were running late but not why.
The moment she came in the door I gave her a big hug and tried to get her to talk about it. My daughter can be rather stoic about such things, and reserved about sharing her feelings. I think she tends to internalize her feelings more than express them. But I believe it certainly hit her harder than she let on.
It broke my heart to get this news and to realize that a pet my daughter loved and treasured and cherished was suddenly gone. And that she was going through what we all remember having gone through in her own childhood... the first death of a significant pet.
I could spend hours discussing the wide range of struggles and conflicts that come from being divorced. There’s nothing easy about it to begin with and nothing has been made easy in my particular circumstances. That I wasn’t there, when it happened, sucks. As much as I tried to give her support and an opportunity to talk throughout Friday and Saturday, when she was with me, it just isn’t the same as having been there at the moment and following. I can’t imagine it was easy for her to be away from home.
This is perhaps the hardest part about being separated and divorced. Living in a separate house and having life events happened that I am not immediately involved with. I don't like being removed from these milestones. The death of a pet, her first break up, the times she reaches frustrations and just needs someone to listen, these are all really important experiences that I am only sporadically involved in. There are aspects of my life that have improved and there are some things that will probably never be “OK“. This is one of them.