Early rise, car retrieval, and time spent at Starbucks in Cupertino spared me the commute hassles and got me to my mom by 9:30. Her pain management appointment went better than expected. They set her up with some initial medication as well as injections on the short-term horizon. I realized on the way home that I had left my computer and a remarkable in the caddy of the wheelchair she used, and I had to return to get it. I was fortunate to find it still there, but I certainly tore myself down over the whole oversight. I am absolutely awful to myself at moments like this. Viscous and cruel and unforgiving. Why is that my starting point when I would show support and empathy to anyone else? I suspect this will remain an ongoing challenge. It's somewhat embarrassing to admit how hard I can be on myself, but sometimes I learn that I am not alone. And that helps humanize it a bit. Maybe we all expect too much of ourselves too consistently. We had dinner at a friend's with another couple tonight. The steak was phenomenal. I just wanted to sit quietly and relish it. The conversations were varied, and I became conscious of a sense of overwhelm. I shut down somewhat and tried to listen rather than engage and contribute. At one point, a comment was made that friends of mine who did not like a movie must have based their dislike on the fact that the cast was black. I was and am insulted and upset by such an accusation.