I don’t recall who the comic was, but there was one who made me laugh when they said “My marriage has been the best 2 years of my life. We’ve been married for 15.”
That’s funny. But this situation hasn’t been. It’s been grueling, as my many prior posts have clearly conveyed. I entered this process thinking it would be relatively painless. I expected she would agree to the fact that there was indeed an “elephant in the room”, our dysfunctional and unhealthy marriage, and that we’d come to an understanding and agree we could part ways amicably, with the best intentions.
I had asked her several times if our daughter were to end up in a marriage like ours, would she want our daughter to stay in regardless of her lack of happiness and fulfillment. I never got a response.
I know that one very conscious thought of mine as this all unfolded was that I wanted them to see genuine love and affection and intimacy in a marriage. I literally and vividly recall seeing a photo of a man and woman in a kitchen in an affectionate stance, with two kids at the table watching them, and it conveyed an ‘example’ I wanted for them. And that I knew we were not modeling.
The example they had was somewhat conciliatory, distant at times, becoming slightly contentious or oppositional as the years went by. It wasn’t like I did not care about their mother and we managed to work around the issues and find ways to collaborate and coordinate on what we could. But it simply wasn’t what a marriage should be. I was reminded of that repeatedly, year after year, by her, until it became obvious to me that it wasn’t something we could force or that came naturally between us. We functioned as roommates, but not as true “soulmates”.
I don’t know what to say at this point that hasn’t been said by me already. I can’t look back without reflecting on the good experiences and outcomes with gratitude, yet I am very aware that it’s well past time to move on, and I have been doing so.
Since having left, I have found myself in a new relationship, one that has evolved slowly over the past few years. It’s wonderful. It’s fulfilling, genuine, honest, and harmonious. It’s a wonderful feeling to share acceptance, support, compassion, and gratitude for each other, as we are. We work really well together yet we have our own identities. And my kids have an opportunity to witness what I envisioned years ago. Something natural and real. Something I’d want for their own futures. Genuine unconditional acceptance.
They’ll continue to see the respect and regard I have for my role and responsibilities to them and their mom, too.
That’s funny. But this situation hasn’t been. It’s been grueling, as my many prior posts have clearly conveyed. I entered this process thinking it would be relatively painless. I expected she would agree to the fact that there was indeed an “elephant in the room”, our dysfunctional and unhealthy marriage, and that we’d come to an understanding and agree we could part ways amicably, with the best intentions.
I had asked her several times if our daughter were to end up in a marriage like ours, would she want our daughter to stay in regardless of her lack of happiness and fulfillment. I never got a response.
I know that one very conscious thought of mine as this all unfolded was that I wanted them to see genuine love and affection and intimacy in a marriage. I literally and vividly recall seeing a photo of a man and woman in a kitchen in an affectionate stance, with two kids at the table watching them, and it conveyed an ‘example’ I wanted for them. And that I knew we were not modeling.
The example they had was somewhat conciliatory, distant at times, becoming slightly contentious or oppositional as the years went by. It wasn’t like I did not care about their mother and we managed to work around the issues and find ways to collaborate and coordinate on what we could. But it simply wasn’t what a marriage should be. I was reminded of that repeatedly, year after year, by her, until it became obvious to me that it wasn’t something we could force or that came naturally between us. We functioned as roommates, but not as true “soulmates”.
I don’t know what to say at this point that hasn’t been said by me already. I can’t look back without reflecting on the good experiences and outcomes with gratitude, yet I am very aware that it’s well past time to move on, and I have been doing so.
Since having left, I have found myself in a new relationship, one that has evolved slowly over the past few years. It’s wonderful. It’s fulfilling, genuine, honest, and harmonious. It’s a wonderful feeling to share acceptance, support, compassion, and gratitude for each other, as we are. We work really well together yet we have our own identities. And my kids have an opportunity to witness what I envisioned years ago. Something natural and real. Something I’d want for their own futures. Genuine unconditional acceptance.
They’ll continue to see the respect and regard I have for my role and responsibilities to them and their mom, too.
I did it for you, and the boy,
Because love should teach you joy,
And not the imitation,
That your momma and daddy tried to show you.
I did it for you and for me,
And because I still believe,
There's only one thing,
You can never give up,
Never compromise on,
And that's the real thing you need in love.
- Kenny Loggins