I had another angry day. Even with meditations, the anger was consuming. Anger about Lauren's driving test. Anger about the fact that nobody tracks their hours at work as is necessary for a monthly task I manage. Anger at Civis for using Google Meet which routinely fails to allow me to be heard and hear. Anger anger anger. And tonight one of the "Headspace" meditations I listened to while shaving post-shower was about anger. In particular, how anger can be misdirected and reflect back too. That resonated with me as the anger I felt today over so many things was far more impactful and lasting on me than any other target. All negatively too. I know logically how futile geting angry about things can be and is yet the reflex is engrained and difficult to circumvent. I think too it has a lot to do with insecurities and a sense of inabliity to accomplish something reflecting on me negatively. As if anger at a situation does not. When I ended my day I was ready to revisit the Tempo role and walk from Care2 once and for all, as yet more unrealistic expectations are being set forth by sales without consideration of time and resources, while we're already overloaded. And at this point I don't give a fuck, let it crash. I am done trying to explain and defend and prevent shit from blowing up so I'll just stop trying. It's that way with the kids, too. Tommy's got hawaii on the horizon but he runs out and spends $$$ on turning his Audi into a further ghetto version of it's forrmer self with a base-heavy stereo upgrade. OK, fine, whatever, have fun. IDGAF. Even Lauren's snarky muttered comments about my driving today are not getting to me either. Whatever they have to say to me isn't worth my time giving consideartion to when it's just about an opinion. I don't care anymore. I just want my life back, without drama.
📊 seven-day averages: ⚖️ 159.4 lbs,❤️ 61.9 bpm, 👣 5656 steps, 🧘🏼14 min, 🛌 5h:27m