This unwanted heirloom will be valued again someday, and thus, I'm keeping it accessible out of respect for it's history.
I hear Tommy rise and leave for the gym every morning, even before my own series of alarms begin their sequence of attempts. He's so dedicated to this right now. I'm glad for him. I hope he's getting value from the effort. I remember doing similar things myself. Routines and rituals have their place and value. Mine are still working but still too structured. There's a clockwork cadence to the daily morning's timeline, wherein one missteps can ripple into subsequent parallel demands. I do miss walking, that is certain, and i'm not making enough time in my day to incorprate calls and walking. Maybe I can do so tomorrow. I went straight to panorama after dropping Lauren off. I pulled down all the boxes and stuff from the rafters leaving only the above ground pool, a dollhouse and her antique table. I brought down her father's chair after some 10+ years of it's being stuck away and out of sight. I reached out to Kathy about it, nightstands, the dresser, and I suspect nobody's going to want any of this stuff. That's fine, I'll keep the important historical items for my kids and for her legacy, knowing well what some of them meant. Even if they were effectively hidden and wasted. Every corner I turn in this, I face lost opportunities to have had such a better life experience. Yet I routinely loose my own consiousness about the realities. I was thinking about how i'm saving wine for a future I am not certain I'll have. I see all the time and effort going into trying to find homes for shit nobody seems to want, even if it's free. It's all taking time away from having a better connection and expereience that's waiting just beyond letting go and moving on. Tommy's still a confusion and dilemma. He's so confrontational and offensive then seems to want to share something with me. It's crazy making, as is the concern that he might not be ok, might need to feel valued, and his anger is genuine but displaced. he asked me today what causes glioblastma and it was simply out of the blue. He doesn't bring up his mom any more so it was a surprise. In general i'm keeping a 'safe' distance, emotionally, while trying to stay close enough to be within reach if needed. I met with the flooring guy at Panorama to talk about putting in the flooring for the two bedrooms and later, the rest of the house. A bid should be in hand tomorrow and if it's reasonable we'll move forward. We had dinner at the Priest's with Wendy. Mark was elsewhere. More insightful and stimulating conversation ensued. It's a really good dynamic. I hope we get to do this more often. I'm also proud of having managed my wine consumption for a chance but the ice cream did win me over. Might be a PSMF day tomorrow as I work to maintain the median.
📊 seven-day averages: ⚖️ 159.2 lbs,❤️ 63 bpm, 👣 5289.3 steps, 🧘🏼16 min, 🛌 5h:30m