Throughout the past year, my perspective has begun to change. Perhaps that's because I've seen a drop in my physical and mental health consistency over the past two years. I think it's been gradual, which I consider good and probably par for the course, perhaps even above par. I have a lot more gray and wrinkles than I recall last year and more physical limitations and frustration with what used to be simple things, too.
I have come to accept that I need to make significant changes in my life and lifestyle. I can not continue trying to do everything, everywhere, all at once. (Hell, I could not even focus on that movie without being distracted and those 2 hours are gone.) I have to start being aggressively mindful of where my time goes, what purpose it serves, and how it affects me, my loved ones and my personal goals.
My struggles with balancing my overwhelm, frustration, anxiety and resentment all correlated to being conditioned to feel like I'm responsible for far more than I am or should be. I recognize that many of the circumstances that trigger me trace back to people standing around a broken copy machine, looking at a flashing error code on the display panel, scratching their heads and waiting for somebody other than them to show initiative, look in the manual and resolve whatever the problem might be. It's not that hard.
Multitasking is a myth. We all know that now, but I spent a couple of decades trying to achieve it while thinking that somehow everybody else had. We set ourselves up for failure with unreasonable expectations.
Work/life balance is also a myth, at least one that my generation in my industry has failed to support and defend. If I look back on the time I spent "at my peak" of engineering and management performance, it was at the expense of my mental and physical well-being. The concept of working "eight-hour-days" does not consider all of the additional time spent reading, learning new tools and skills, thinking and problem-solving, typically all being done outside of that window of "working hours." Yet that is work, too. Work takes the dominant time and addition all the expense of our lives. To a point where "who you are" is based on "what you do." And in the end, our lives are filled with regrets, including, among the top, having wasted our lives working too much. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Top_Five_Regrets_of_the_Dying.
It used to be hard for me not to jump in and try to save the day or take on yet another spinning plate because my self-worth was caught up in that. Not anymore. I've burnt out and stopped caring because I have recognized the cost of continuing to do so.
This is part of why I'm pursuing practicing SΕtΕ Zen meditation and applying Stoic philosophy to my outlook and actions. I am striving to be living as fully in the moment as possible. I'm very gradually noticing some very small improvements. There is no 'end point' in this pursuit. It's not a reality to expect that I'll one day perfect being mindful and present without constant effort. I'm only achieving it for only fleeting moments and I expect that is the best I can expect, give or take some extended timeframes as my surroundings allow. This is a lifetime practice that I will never "make perfect," but it absolutely has the potential to make this life richer and more fulfilling, with far less regret in the end. It's already doing so.
My struggles with balancing my overwhelm, frustration, anxiety and resentment all correlated to being conditioned to feel like I'm responsible for far more than I am or should be. I recognize that many of the circumstances that trigger me trace back to people standing around a broken copy machine, looking at a flashing error code on the display panel, scratching their heads and waiting for somebody other than them to show initiative, look in the manual and resolve whatever the problem might be. It's not that hard.
Multitasking is a myth. We all know that now, but I spent a couple of decades trying to achieve it while thinking that somehow everybody else had. We set ourselves up for failure with unreasonable expectations.
Work/life balance is also a myth, at least one that my generation in my industry has failed to support and defend. If I look back on the time I spent "at my peak" of engineering and management performance, it was at the expense of my mental and physical well-being. The concept of working "eight-hour-days" does not consider all of the additional time spent reading, learning new tools and skills, thinking and problem-solving, typically all being done outside of that window of "working hours." Yet that is work, too. Work takes the dominant time and addition all the expense of our lives. To a point where "who you are" is based on "what you do." And in the end, our lives are filled with regrets, including, among the top, having wasted our lives working too much. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Top_Five_Regrets_of_the_Dying.
It used to be hard for me not to jump in and try to save the day or take on yet another spinning plate because my self-worth was caught up in that. Not anymore. I've burnt out and stopped caring because I have recognized the cost of continuing to do so.
This is part of why I'm pursuing practicing SΕtΕ Zen meditation and applying Stoic philosophy to my outlook and actions. I am striving to be living as fully in the moment as possible. I'm very gradually noticing some very small improvements. There is no 'end point' in this pursuit. It's not a reality to expect that I'll one day perfect being mindful and present without constant effort. I'm only achieving it for only fleeting moments and I expect that is the best I can expect, give or take some extended timeframes as my surroundings allow. This is a lifetime practice that I will never "make perfect," but it absolutely has the potential to make this life richer and more fulfilling, with far less regret in the end. It's already doing so.
You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?"You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?"And you may ask yourself, "Am I right, am I wrong?"And you may say to yourself, "My God, what have I done?""Once In A Lifetime" - Talking Heads