Highlights: I woke and found clothes of Tommy were left in the bathroom and put them in his room. I texted him about not doing so while acknowledging the apparent improvement in the car volume. He later said the clothes were there in prep for a shower. I know it's just a justification. Jen and I made an AM visit to Rachel at Chase Bank to move all account beneficiaries to our Trust, and I updated the trust accordingly. Now we need to sign and notarize. I had a good lunch with Marlin at Aqui, where I passed a 2017 Martin Ranch Malbec his way. I'm optimistic that I'll have a position to return to, but I remain unsure about what I want to take back on or not. Time will tell. I found out my court filings are ready for pick up so I need to go do that tomorrow. That was FAST. I don't know if that means they quickly approved or quickly dismissed. I know there'll be a court date attached too which may impact my plans for meditations and other retreats. I'll go get it tomorrow. I noticed that Tommy went to his mom's grave today and was there for quite a while. It's interesting that he'd go there after some of our recent conversations and I can't help but wonder what's going on for him. It's hard that we have zero connection or open conversations about his feelings, that might make a huge difference but I can't force it. When talking to my mom about my setting him straight about living with us I said he ""Objected, deflected, but never reflected" on his role getting to this point. I have a lot of thoughts about this but want to focus them in more depth elsewhere. Today was "day 1" of my FMLA and I focused on ensuring all the T's and I's were dotted and crossed but not in that order. I'm pretty sure it's all aligned and done but when it comes to ensuring I have finances aligned I'm checking thrice. GNO was at Blue Line pizza in Campbell tonight. My go-to is the "Bacon & Blue" salad. I was telling Marlin at lunch about this group and about recently 'crossing streams' as well as wanting to establish a "care2 men's group" of former/current colleagues to maintain a routine connection and friendship. What Jess, Brian and Johnathon and I have maintained is rewarding and I want to extend that in 2023 and broaden the influencers in my life. The GNO was fun but mid-way through Life360 alerted me to Tommy driving 101mph on hwy 17. It ruined my night. I was trying to stay focused but after all that's happened and his commitment to driving safe, this was a slap in the face and a challenge. I came home and told Jen and went in my room just as Tommy came into the house. Moments later I heard Jen's raised voice and went to see what was going on. I stayed quiet at first and let her talk out her anger and frustration with him, in tears. The conversations continued to a point that I interjected and, resisting the urge to pick up and pummel him with a chair, I remember my notes and stuck to my idea of asking what he would want in a home life. It opened a conversation, sort of, that concluded on what I thought was a positive note. Time will tell. I think he is mentally incapable of not continuing to argue. It's always somebody else. It's deflection and objection, but never reflection. And out of the whole thing, even though I think we reached what in a normal conversation would be a common ground and chance to close and work forward, he maintained or reinitiated a need to continue. It's total ODD and dysfunctional. For now we are hopefully at a better foundation. I don't have much faith that it will last. It never does. Come to think of it, maybe it never does BECAUSE it's his dysfunction and need for the arguments to be happening. I don't know right now. I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally.
