Tonight Lauren said "we have a good life", and I have to agree. Of course, this was after our agreeing to drive her to get Frozen Yogurt, but it was also while Colin Hay's "Beautiful World" was playing, which is a song we often sing together. It's about the little things that make life pleasant. Coincidentally on the way there John Lennon's "Beautiful Boy" played, the standout line being "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans". Lauren and I went to visit her mom tonight. I picked her up with a happy hound hotdog and a vanilla shake. I also sent Tommy $20 because I like to maintain equity between times I get one or the other food. Linda's friend Kathy V was there and our paths crossed briefly as we came in and she left. There was another encouraging moment, I gave her the cup and she was able to drink some of the vanilla shake on her own. That was pretty impressive. Overall she was a little bit less responsive than last night but she is still in the same "range" of improvement with the change in meds. More eye contact and far more responsive and present. I also suspect she's very depressed and sad, based on her expressions alone, and how she looks at me. Jennifer and I had a wonderful outing together at Martin Ranch. We picked up our shipment and I relaxed my rigid abstention and enjoyed wine tasting and then at least one + more glasses of the 2017 Sangiovese. We bought a case with the plan of gifting 1/2 of it. We brainstormed further ideas about how to work the logistics with Panorama out and also started talking about how we might work towards having a place in Sacramento as well. When we got home I was feeling the wine and crashed, hard. Like, catatonic-hard. Waking up felt like a struggling and took me several minutes. Between the weight loss and not drinking for some time I think it caught up to me. Tommy left the house this morning and we've not seen him all day. We crossed paths briefly and he's making a point of not talking to me. I'm giving him the space and avoiding further conflict. I was planning on going to Panorama tomorrow and working on some things including the garage, but I fear it'll just trigger me further. It's too familiar and reminiscent of the circumstances that drove me out in the first place. Jen pointed out that he returns home each night which she feels means he wants to be here and with us, otherwise he'd be staying at Panorama 24/7. Maybe that's true. It's back to the concept of what I can accept, and what is temporary or permanent.