Hit a new goal in my weight loss this am. Enjoyed my GNO Wednesday night with Jess and Johnathon, as always. Jen and Lauren went to see Dear Evan Hansen and we all hung out while she went through a presentation for school the next day in History. She is such a great daughter. Today we walked our walk and then while dog walking, a neighbor chastised us for letting our dog on his lawn. He had a point but came at us with such anger that it made for a very uncomfortable exchange. We’ll certainly respect his request and we try to keep him on the median not on yards but its hard. He didn’t even pee there he was just sniffing but this is a way I used to feel when we didn’t have a dog. So I get that. I may extend an olive branch tomorrow or this weekend. I had the day off as did Jen. I went through yet-another effort to activate cellular on my watch and got almost all the way there but have to still visit a store tomorrow for the final hurdle. What a fucking joke, ATT. I ran Jen to get the BMW from the shop and back, did my BIG meeting and realized I need to spend some time getting back on track with that. I need to spend time getting back on track on a number of things including, most importantly, being present and grateful for everything I have and every day. Because we visited Linda twice and things are getting worse. When Lauren and I went mid-day with balloons we sang “Happy Birthday” to her and she sang along with us. Then she shut down. Maybe she answered YES to a question once out of a dozen times but in general she was really zoned out. And that’s without morphine. I talked to Kim and will talk to Silva tomorrow when there. I was delayed getting Lauren by some Apple account issues that locked Jen out and I was getting so irritated and frustrated by that, after ATT. WHY? Why and I letting this trivial shit frustrate me so? It’s taking valuable time and attention and introducing tension and discord. I really hate that I get derailed but I guess we all do. After dropping Lauren at work I went to Panorama to put out trash and spent time filling cans with stuff to discard. So Much Stuff. And I found things I’ll write about elsewhere, later, that hit a deep chord as to Linda’s unfulfilled search for happiness. Seeing her tonight with Tommy and Lauren was the worst. It was heartbreaking. We took her her favorite ice cream and she ate some of it. But she was zoned out. She occasionally seemed to “come to” and would look into my eyes with such a stare of deep despair. Then she’d glaze over again. When we were preparing to leave after having no communication, Tommy knelt down beside her, touched her face, looked her in the eyes and said “I love you”. She breathed in deeply and with what seem to be every ounce of ability she had, she audibly strained to whisper “I ..love.. you“. Twice. And then fell silent again. The kids hugged her while I did my best to hold it together. It was a moment you’d expect to see in a movie. It left me sobbing as I tried to reach Kathy once the kids were home and inside and I could have some privacy. It’s getting unbearable to see her like this, and the reality is overwhelming. Jen was so understanding and supportive about it. It’s seems like such a callous thing to say but I don’t know how I’d have gotten through this, or my kids for that matter, without her.