Today felt, just slightly, like a return to partial normal. Slightly. But it wasn't. The normal was a return to being focused at work and being home for the entire day instead of driving all over managing all sorts of things not related to work. The tasks continued. I just managed them from home and in small chunks of momentary free time. Today was also the 1st day of the last year of the kids attending high school. They're seniors. On the way out the door, a flurry of text activity in the support group brought to light a conversation about arranging for Linda to get "last rites and anointment." I shared the experience of her being visited by a Hospice chaplain last week and her evident anxiety and upset over his presence. Her friend Kathy who I am sure has a very negative, biased, and ill-informed opinion of me, said, "I know Linda to her core and we've talked about it many times. I know you and her never shared the same beliefs ". I found that offensive. This isn't the first time she's stepped on my toes in this manner. I had to step back for a few moments and not respond on impulse. My eventual response was, "This is not about my beliefs. This is about her. I'm saying she is not ready." and I dropped it for the moment while I vented to others independently about her attitude. I had been trying to gently lower her down the side of a cliff on a rope. Then somebody started talking about cutting it before I got her safely to the ground. Later in the day I called to touch base. She and I had a poignant conversation about her tumor, its impact on her memory and impulse, and her upset over her circumstances. I did not talk about death directly. I spoke about coming to terms with things she can't change to find peace with it, instead of spending time in anguish and upset, which won't change anything other than making her suffer more. Just as our conversation was coming to a close, Gregory, the hospice chaplain, went into the room. I was on speaker. He said he was visiting other patients and wanted to stop by and check in on Linda. I said goodbye and exited the call. (I don't know if somebody actually sent him or if he did indeed pop all on his own, but the timing was perfect.) Gregory called me a short while ago and left this message: "Hi Geoff, this is chaplain Gregory with hospice of the Valley. I just wanted to give you an update on my visit today with Linda. I know you were on the phone with her when I came in. She did welcome my visit. She welcomed me to sit down with her for a little bit, and she did welcome Catholic prayer and blessing, which I provided for her. She wanted to know why it's so hard, and said she'd been praying for an answer to that. I just validated her struggle and really encouraged her to continue her prayers and to draw from her spiritual strength her faith in him, and I reinforced God's promise and presence with her through a blessing with the sign of the cross." Even as an atheist, I found this comforting because it indicated that Linda listened, considered, and thought about her circumstances. And talking about it, however, is limited. To my surprise, Lauren walked home from school, as I expected to pick her up but had lost track of time. Jen made steak while I grabbed burgers for them from Burger Pit. Tommy was at Extra until late in the evening. Lauren and I were on the patio with the firepit going when he returned. The three of us talked about their mom, and I shared what had happened during the day. We talked about what might happen next and that the opportunity for them to say their goodbyes might be soon, while she was accepting of the situation and mentally aware. Tommy shared his remorse and upset, and I pointed out that past actions can't be changed, but his present efforts have resulted in reconciliation. Lauren is still blocking, although she did say she loves her mom. It was a sincere moment we shared. We talked about the house, options after high school, and how Jennifer loves them and that the time she spends with them is precious to her for many reasons. Oh, and today I learned the word "cogitate" means to "think deeply about something; meditate or reflect.". Fascinating.
