There's a great line in "Something About Mary" that I never caught until I watched it with the director's commentary on. Ben Stiller's character, Ted, is admiring his friend's marriage and kids and family and the friend replies "Every day is better than the next". It's a great subtle moment. Ted seems momentarily confused and moves along. But the statement really indicates that it gets worse and worse and worse, every day. Today was a brutal day. I took Linda to her 2nd infusion, knowing full well that her fate is sealed. She's continued to decline in physical and mental health. It's too much to go into, but I wanted to capture this moment. It was both upsetting and rewarding to help her. I told her that I was glad to be helping her, which was true, but the extent of help she needed including trying to lift her and move her, both in the bathroom and in the infusion clinic. She continued to repeat please for help, and I repeatedly assured her I was doing just that. She was given some Advavan and that relaxed her, and she slept through the infusion. Once back at SRC she was struggling again and asked me to help her have hope. That crushed me. She had issues with standing in the bathroom and I was unable to help completely. I got upset and told her directly she had to help me help her but standing as much as she could. I felt bad being curt. She clearly has little or no control over anything any more. It's so trying and draining. I also visited her new facility, where she moves tomorrow. It's beautiful but it's also where she will die. I got home, managed a couple of work issues and went with Jen to talk to Tom B about how I should manage things related to the estate. I wanted to get some advance advice and it was worth doing so. Jen and I had diner at Andale and returned home. I was and am drained, physically and emotionally, from the day. I have to maintain my focus on work demands but also need to help Kathy with some document signatures and faxing, and I want to try and be there for Linda's move to the health care building. The covid protocol there is aggressive, I hope it does not impact people going to see her. I had an exchange with Kathy clarifying my request related to support and my taking on full responsibility for the kids and Panorama. I am hoping it works out, as it would greatly simply things. It's inevitable, and I need that simplicity as soon as possible.
