It's rewarding to be just busy enough to feel productive, but not so busy that I end the day exhausted. Today was one of those days. My MOHS surgery post-op hasn't been anywhere near as difficult to endure as the 1st was. When I visited my mom after the surgery, she gave me some Alieve and said it had helped her with sleep issues. I tried it last night and slept reasonably well. Neither of us is at all inclined to get into addictive routines, or perhaps we're too conscious of them to allow them to occur. I woke up feeling tired, more so than usual, and I don't care for that. I like waking up and feeling clear-headed and rested. I've missed a few days of meditation, including this morning. I'll be trying to work that into my am tomorrow; however, I have an 8 am auto appointment to constrain things. I'm getting the oil and transmission fluid changed. My weigh-in was disappointing, 3rd day on a plateau. At first, I felt discouraged, and then I remembered that this is just part of the process. I frequently went through it in my prior effort. Onward. I did well today, so we'll see how it plays out in the AM. Tomorrow is a PSMF day. My being at the auto mechanic will give me a chance to have an extended fast.. Work was good, meetings went well, and the workload is feeling a bit heavier. I will have focused time tomorrow too. After 2 pm I went to Pano and continued the clearing effort. I filled a recycle bin. I have to split the contents between the two because it's so heavy they might reject it. I threw out a slew of just play 'trash'. Mostly paperwork. Everything from bills and school flyers to draft divorce documents, notes she'd written about various things related to job searches, the kids, and many things related to finding happiness. It's so tragic that it seems to have been a lifetime goal to find something that was always internally and not manifested by something or someone else. I went to help her after her Avastin treatment. Once I helped her get into her car, I ended up giving a nice couple a jump-start from my CRV battery. Their truck died. She mentioned my bandages and thought I was there for cancer treatment myself. Once home, Lauren made Chicken Picatta again, using Chicken Thighs, which don't cook quite as thoroughly as the breasts did. it was a learning experience. I enjoyed it. She and I went to Costco and got a good selection of foods, including Tommy's much-requested croissants, the thick rectangular ham he had been asking for, and a bulk package of sliced cheddar. Along with various other things. I'm letting him take a portion of whatever he wants from this to Panorama, too. I completed the audit of his use of her KPCU card, summarized it, and sent to Kathy w/a proposal to pay $218 and consider it resolved. I'm stopping his weekly $50 for four weeks to recover the funds. He's not asked about it yet, but when he does, I'll explain why. I'm proud of him, though. He's been going to see his mom quite frequently. He's not shared too much about his feelings, and i'm not pressing. I've learned it's better to wait and then respond. I'm hoping he's ok. Going through some of the paperwork, I found some psych evaluations done when she was worried about him (when wasn't she) that reflected on anxiety and insecurity they were seeing. Along with lots of positives too. Balancing all this, from the divorce to living with his mom and clashing to living with me and fighting. I have to remember he's still developing maturity and insight and empathy and awareness. Hippocampus, is it? The year is barely half over, and it's been dominated by Linda's situation since the end of February. So much has changed in our daily routines and lives, yet I continue to feel like a selfish fuck when I say that and then look at her, and what she's facing. I still don't know if she even fully understands what she's facing. I believe she does. I saw some photos from about a month ago earlier when finding and sending some images to Kathy, and it brought home how significantly she's degraded in that short time. It's harder to judge day-by-day, but I suspect people who don't visit her often will see a more dramatic change. Jen watched a show tonight on YouTube called "Soft Underbelly" about Appalachian people and their stories. Jesus, it's stark. If I need anything to make me feel fortunate about my upbringing and opportunities, that's enough.