Parting with the bed frame I've had since at least 24years. Sad letting it go, glad it's getting continued use.
Yesterday, the time spent at Panorama was tough. Linda's patterns, repetitions, and demeanor were draining and upsetting. I struggled to be as supportive and upbeat while wresting with the frustrations that come from the circumstances, but just recognizing it was beyond her control helped keep me focused on the empathy needed. That led me to think about moving things forward, as her circumstances' static nature was not productive. Today I returned, and the 1st thing I did was write the day and schedule on the whiteboard and wall post-it note. I talked to her directly, asked about her perception of circumstances, asked if she realized she was repeating things, discussed her recovery goals and feelings. Then I put time into deviating compulsive rumination towards those goals. It worked well. She was so much more talkative, and even though she still exhibits the stroke-like nature of communication, there were far more indications of her presence and core nature. My time and efforts afforded Kathy the time to attend to herself and put time into the critical tasks at hand. Home care. Long-term care insurance claims. Disability. Power of Attorney. All week, whatever time I can spend at Pano that free's her up to focus on these activities, I'm there. I felt like today was a dramatic improvement over yesterday, and I told her so directly. Golida brought her salmon, and they visited for over an hour, and it was a positive exchange. When Golida left, she went back to anxiety. That's interesting. This whole experience is eye-opening. It's also soul-crushing knowing that come tomorrow, she's potentially going to learn the prognosis, and regardless of that happening or not, the realities are that she's likely facing a minimal time. Her statements today about gratitude for life, the kids, desires for their future in ways that include her were painful to hear. The simple fact is that she wants to hear absolutely nothing negative and no bad news. She'll tell the doctor that herself, she had already to others. What tomorrow's doctor will do with that is TBD. I'm hoping he soft-pedals the brutal realities for at least another week, allowing her time to recover and further stabilize. Either way, it's uncertain what the right choice in this instance is. What's the point of telling somebody that can't handle it that they're going to die? In these instances, I'm not sure there is anything good to come from it. I'll be on the call, though, after all, helping to support and taking notes for Kathy to reference later. I am considering recording it, as it might include things we want to look at again, but it might also be something I wouldn't want to listen to ever again.