My gut reaction to the #metoo movement was that it was overkill and that it was an over-swinging of the pendulum to an extreme position. My wonderful cousin Jeri, A Smith college graduate in woman's studies, helped me to step back and take a broader look at the bigger picture with more consideration of the history of the treatment of women for centuries. You would think that as the child of a 70's feminist I'd not have needed that nudge, but I did, and I embraced it. I dove head first into reading and listening, and coming to better understand about nature and origins of that movement. I still fear any situation in which an accusation can become a declaration of guilt, but I fully recognize and understand how decades of subjection and the subtle systemic designation of women as being both the lesser sex and an object of the same had influenced my own desensitization and disconnection. I reconnected.
My home life and the shared custody of my 16yr old twins has been a growth opportunity too. I have been encouraged to reflect on and relax my ingrained reflex impulse to tightly control and constrain the behavior of my son. I am relaxing and accepting him as the genuinely good-hearted individual he is, while responding and modeling calm reinforcement of better language and respectful treatment of his mother, sister and myself. I had forgotten what being 16 was like, and I was no angel myself. My actions and responses have been far more effective now that I have found that a whisper, and even silence, has more impact that a shout. We have connected in a way we had not before and it's wonderful. To my delight and good fortune, my daughter and I have always has a strong bond, and the only conscious focus I've found needed is more recognition and engagement, which has been wonderful as well.
My most recent insights have come during the last few months, as numerous high-profile murders of black people has driven the visibility of the continued disproportionate degree of violence by law enforcement to a massive and warranted level of social awareness. More importantly, it's seemingly reached a tipping point. It's forcing people like me and other I know to look closely and recognize the true nature of the systemic numbing of our awareness of the ingrained levels of separation that have permeated our society.
On the topic of "black lives matter", for me personally, I have had to step back and recognize my own biases, judgements and privilege. I have had to recognize that even as "woke" as I might feel I have been because I've watched "Eyes on the Prize" and "I Am Not Your Negro", even as I might want to throw out that every year on MLK day I consciously dedicate time to watch documentaries about him and consider his significance and message, I have lived highly detached from real day-to-day consideration of what living as a black man must REALLY be like.
I am not being closely watched when I enter a convenience store. My walking through an affluent neighborhood does not draw excessive attention. I am free to move about society with far less suspicion, presumption, or fear. Becuase I'm white. How fucked up is that?
Yet I have admittedly been guilty of perpetrating that exact situation without conscious intent or thought. I've been programmed to a significant degree by a vast array of influence, from a wide range media, news and films. Additionally there are documented political decisions that have been exposed after the fact to have manipulated laws as far back as the 13th amendment goes to present day, in ways that intentionally created a division of class. Mass incarcerations form the 70's on have escalated with the end goal being to disempower the black community.
I told my daughter today that we are living through what history will consider as pivotal as the civil rights movement was in the 60s. We need to move beyond race inequities just as much as we need to move beyond gender inequities. I believe, for myself, that at this point in time, if this concentrated effort to spread awareness is maintained and consistent, it could drive the level of change and awareness needed to end the idiocy once and for all.
I told my daughter today that we are living through what history will consider as pivotal as the civil rights movement was in the 60s. We need to move beyond race inequities just as much as we need to move beyond gender inequities. I believe, for myself, that at this point in time, if this concentrated effort to spread awareness is maintained and consistent, it could drive the level of change and awareness needed to end the idiocy once and for all.
The book "White Fragility" is in demand. Our two local libraries have almost 100 people waiting in the queue for the 19 available copies. The NYT Top 10 non-fiction books are all but one about race. (The 10th being about woman's rights). There is an overwhelming amount of dialog and information about racial equality and white privilege everywhere I turn. That is highly encouraging.
I am finding myself unable to turn from or deny that I really have been living in a completely separate reality than anyone of color has experienced, for hundreds of years. Yes, many, many things have progressed and evolved in our society as far as race goes, from where it was 155 years ago, that warrant recognition. There have been wonderful advances made in the areas of arts, science, culture, politics... and this is real progress, indeed. But it must not overshadow how much progress remains to be seen and needs to be achieved.
I spent the day watching inspiring documentaries, reading insightful articles and listening to podcasts directed to people like me, realizing we need to engage.
I spent the day watching inspiring documentaries, reading insightful articles and listening to podcasts directed to people like me, realizing we need to engage.
A great quote I heard was how racist comments by older people get dismissed as a generational issue when the truth is that if "grandma can learn to use Facebook", she can learn that racism is wrong. That hit a nerve ... I still recall to this day how in the late 70's my great grandma drop the N-word, viciously, and it took me by complete surprise. I did the very things. I rationalized it away as a generational issue.
Yet another point was made that the opposite of "being a racist" is not "not being a racist", it is being "anti-racist". Meaning, being committed, engaged and involved in actively shutting this shit down. For good.
I'm there. And I'm excited about the possibilities.
I'm there. And I'm excited about the possibilities.