He was refusing, he had other things he wanted to do, while she was insisting he had to leave. It’s a complicated scenario, significantly and dramatically exacerbated by my having started dinner and wanting to return with them in a timely manner.
He wanted to stay in the area, I said I’d return him after dinner, but he still refused to get in the car so we could go. And she insisted he did in parallel via text. And he would not. And I was stuck I the middle of this mess. I told him initially that it was ok with me if it were ok with her, but without that approval, I was trapped. And I hate being trapped between their obstinance.
I got really mad at him. Told him to get in the god damned car. Shouted it. Then she said I should not do that, which only played into the drama and the trigged sense of never having any control there, ever. He would not listen to me, called her names, argued and made the whole situation an explosive one.
She didn’t even consider my repeated assertions that I had food cooking and needed to go, insisting instead that I wait and coax him gently into going when my efforts to do so had already failed. It ruined my night, his night, and I ripped into her for her nagging insistence that she dictate how I should speak or handle things, when I was doing my best with the situation at hand.
It was a disaster, and totally unnecessary. In hindsight I wish I’d stayed calm. But she would not shut up. She never shuts up. She never considered she’s wrong or should not insert herself, and presents things in hugely judgmental fashion. I ended up telling her to STFU, swearing and losing my cool.
I hate these situations. I hate thinking that even with all my best intentions and desires and sincerely wanting a good and healthy environment for them and even for her, I’m likely to be the bad guy because I reached a point of intolerance.
Will my kids look back on me as ‘dad had anger issues’ or will they look back at me and say ‘dad couldn’t stand dealing with the dynamics between mom and her son.
Who knows. I’m always second guessing and always feeling like I’m in the wrong, because there’s always something I wish I’d managed better in the moment.
When I look back upon my life
It's always with a sense of shame
I've always been the one to blame
For everything I long to do
No matter when or where or who
Has one thing in common, too
It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a sin
- Pet Shop Boys