How I Present My Sincere Intent

I have written 100's emails back/forth exchanges with her over the past 3+ years as I/we have worked through this process.

 

I just came across this email I sent, it's from early 10/2016. And as I re-read it, I thought it very clearly articulated my focus and intention then, prior, and now.

 

I am posting it here so I see it more frequently, in order to reinforce for myself that I'm not 'the bad guy' I have felt myself to be.

To be honest, although this represents my sincere effort to communicate in a positive fashion, there's also ample examples of my taking a more aggressive "F U" approach too. Typically out of pure exasperation, frustration, aggravation, etc.

 

I'm no saint, but I'm not evil either. I'm just human.

"If i wasn’t in your corner and didn’t care about what you think, I’d not have sent you to college, supported adoption, IVF+, moving, buying the EDH house, moving back, buying Pano, remodeling pano, comprised on air travel, vacations, never insisting/forcing you to return to work, and much much much much more. And I've spent the last 3 years+ trying to manage this as kindly and considerately as I can. Because I care.

 

 

I wasn’t ‘digging’ into you as as much as pointing out instances I remember feeling like i was in a position of having to adopt your beliefs/perspectives over my own.

 

You are right about your position about (friend a), as far as his opinions, but your feelings were disdainfully conveyed. And my saying (friend b) has been a great friend to me, and that you were wrong in your judgements of her character,  isn’t on the scale of how you present it as some grandiose defense of her - I’m defending my judgement.

 

in my experience you are very experienced with ‘holding onto things’ - you’ve thrown things in my face for years, even after apologizing or trying to clarify. So please don’t throw stones.

 

Talk to your brother about his conversations with me and how I admitted I was not innocent in our marital problems, that I was not without my own issues, and how my last conversation with him ended with my emphasizing he support YOU and be on your side, not mine.

 

I’m sure you have numerous negative opinions and views on my character. I’ve tried, with all my heart, as much as humanly possible, to be as respectful of you, your character, your actions and behaviors and everything about you, as possible. Because we have our issues and difference and because I don’t want to pretend to be something we’re not does not mean that I don’t defend what I know to be your intentions and priorities. I have and do defend you, regardless of our marital status."