Highlights: Lauren came down last night, after work, to stay with her brother. They were to spend the day together until late afternoon, at which point she would come visit us before returning home. I was glad for this. I feel that Tommy has difficulty being alone, something I know from my own experiences. This is a big change for him. Yet she was free after 12! So for whatever reason, she came early, we played cards, she returned midday to see him a second time, then we met once more at my mom's for Aqui. We did not get into any discussions about the move-out. Her support and regard for each of our respective positions is a balanced and mature one. I still welcome constructive feedback. My efforts to sift through and consolidate the vast array of tools went well and will continue tomorrow.
Insights: The past few weeks have been filled with drama I can directly attribute to having had much of my own reading and efforts to incorporate philosophy into my daily actions get displaced by the churn. Words are words and recitations are echoes. Embodiment by action and example are the true measure of progress. Day two back at the house, and first day back on a routine of reading and reflecting. My resolve, still raw, is to stay ambivalent and detach from the ideals and fantasies I have clung to that someone might eventually cease their abuse of my best intentions. Did Jay? No. I dug up old psych evil from age 8 that was powerful to read. The difficult part is sifting through what may have been based on Linda's direct and worry-filled perspective. Perhaps though there was plenty of basis for the underlying indications of an evolving dysfunction. At what point do I, as a parent, release all “responsability" for any role I held in actions or ignorance, at least enough so I do not endure continued attacks and disrespect? I am not Nicole. This stops at my door, and at any point devoid of civility and respect. I have to acknowledge that caring for and having a familial love is very independent of liking someone's behavior, actions, and character.