Highlights: Jen went to visit Valerie while I laid low at Pano. Lunch with Brian wasn't in the cards, and I rolled with it. He was wrapped up in other tasks and running late. I don't wish to be an interruption to other priorities so we punted. My day proved productive and restful, too. The garage lights are fixed and extended. The power outage (tripped breakers) This morning was a test of my patience and frustrations. The sprinkler issues that followed 8-hours after the power reset was a re-take of the same test, and I did much better. I took Jen to see "the Sheep Detective". We enjoyed it. It was a sweet and enjoyable diversion.
Insights: It's still painful to accept how quickly my son has left my life. I recognize it having been my decision. I remain confident it was the only way to get clear of a dysfunctional dynamic. It still seems surreal. Was there ever a recognition on his part of how worthy of his specific respect and gratitude I truly am? I like to imagine it's in there, somewhere. This estrangement may be the space it needs in order to surface.