Highlights: an early rise as Jen went out to walk. A calm meditation, reading and reflecting. Errands. Mom's follow up at Pain Management. Insights: I was consumed last night with angst again, recognizing that, from my perspective, Tommy's racing head first towards a brick wall. The reality is that there is nothing I can do to stop it. No degree of confrontation, unwanted and disengaged counselling, no financial assistance (which would only enable his behavior more). And no fucking way will I ever let him bring his dysfunction into our home again. Ever. We are finally regaining peace in our home. Much needed peace. Jen feels 150% aligned yet does not hold the dread about his oath that I do. She expects he will manage and work out his needs and his life as he always does. Hopefully that will mean a job and enough bad experience to learn to better managing finances. My views and opinions are based heavily on a need to heal and to strengthen my resolve to not be played and not to feel a responsibility to rescue. I am deeply torn and conflicted between a sense of compassion along with my habitual pattern of justification and forgiveness, to utter disgust and anger at the degree of abuse and disrespect I endured for as long as I did. Disgust is taking the lead.