Jen wanted to cheat tonight, but I said no. And by cheat, I mean on our night following the routines we committed to for the week. It's day 5. And I am finding it effective. It's working. I am getting things prioritized and done. Writing. Calls. Tasks. Balance. Presence. Like being back at the creek behind my childhood home, in which I caught tadpoles. 50 years ago. I have an increasing attachment to all the places from all these years living here. Allover "here". I was thinking about Tommy tonight and how ridiculous it is that I would be the "bad guy". In the arena of actions in opposition to desires, I see how Tommy and I seem to be locked in mindsets in which our reactions run ahead of reason, our wishes for harmony are overridden (at least for me) by incredulity. By frustration that the other fails to see and consider our world views, no matter how reasonable or realistic we believe them to be. Perhaps this is the timeless case of a generational divide between a father and a son. Perhaps at an extreme end of the more contentious nature. Is it genuinely possible that his expectations are believed to be reasonable to him? Or, as it feels at times, is his development arrested at a place where the need for safety and survival results in deflection of responsibility and accountability, with manipulation being an immediate response?
