For a wide range of reasons, I felt apathetic and down all day yesterday. Today was better, yet there remains a tone of "meh" in my outlook. I am annoyed by flies in the backyard and have raked up 1/4 of the bark and needles (a year-plus worth) in the hope it may help. I also set out a couple of D.I.Y. traps that will hopefully reduce the issue. A visit with my mom today was good. Although her demeanor seemed subdued, she was in good spirits. The pain appears to be working with the meds, with her pain down from a 10 to a 2. Tomorrow, we get the routine blood work done. I know a good part of my mood is the distance and detachment from Tommy. It's not my nature, it's simply self-protection at this stage. As I work on the book and recognize all the factors that went into this, I see it explains the root issues, but not the conscious choice to hold them in spite of ample evidence to the contrary. I have one last theory about the mood-THC. I had a hit a few days ago and had stopped for some time prior. One of the reasons had been this pattern-a "come down" of sorts long after the indulgence. I think that too could be a factor. Call it a nostalgic backslide. I'm getting too old for this shit.
