I felt a few subtle epiphanies throughout the day. Recognizing how difficult a time I have when my energy goes too heavily into trying to make things easier. Oh, it works sometimes. In fact, it works quite often. That's the gift/curse of having a creative puzzle-solving mindset. The gift is usually successful accomplishments, the curse being the outright slanderous offensive personal attacks that comes out of a failure. Eye rolls, sighs, forehead smacks and overlapping dismissive mutterings echo within my psyche. And it's always the same voices. My own. Like my latest multi-week attempts to abandon one tech tool and replace it with another. No, wait. That didn't really help. So I tried something more, then less, then nothing at all, expanding and consolidating recursively like an accordion player accompanying a dancing chimpanzee wearing a red fez and begging for loose change. Yet it all came back in place as I posted earlier. A point of insight came in the form of a book I happened upon last week in a "tiny library" on a neighboring street, while walking Lucky. "No-Nonsense Buddhism for Beginners"… It's simple, direct, and accessible. It resonates as it familiarly speaks to me, even making references and using analogies that are echoes of things I have written here over the years. The author recounts a moment in his own life at which he realized his efforts to alleviate his own "suffering" were causing him suffering... Now lets go back to my focus on trying to make something work better resulting in a number of things becoming worse. It's like that. All this came together today between meditation, blood pressure check (best in some time), coffee (the "Jarabocoa" beans are stellar even though the sound like a character in a star wars spinoff) and reading that book sitting next to Jennifer in our little kitchen nook. she woke feeling congested so we punted on the visit to my mom and I went solo to get the car (well, that trip included Lucky), to buy the remarkable, stop at GOBM on Alma to surprise Jen with more Mortadella (that's not a stutter), then drive around for 10 min seeking parking in downtown Palo Alto in order to buy tickets for our annual Christmas Eve outing. All this took my attention off of the day's worth of tasks and goals I had in mind at the start of the day. There's seemingly tomorrow to review and revisit them.
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