This day has been one filled with some of the most intense grieving I have ever known, by both Jennifer and me. It's taken me quite by surprise to have it hit me this viscerally. Neither of us slept well at all, both feeling shocked and shaken by the trauma of Scottie's sudden decline and death at the end of an otherwise routine and upbeat day for him yesterday. We are consumed with this massively significant loss. An emptiness has enveloped our home, along with degrees of grief and guilt that are apparently quite common amongst pet owners. What didn't we do? How could we have prevented this? We have sobbed, wept, theorized, and rationalized ourselves in circles of speculative theories that go nowhere but into an inaccessible alternate universe. This is a brutal, grueling process. I have, until now, greatly underestimated and oversimplified the experience of grief. This will change some of my opinions and understanding from now on, hopefully for the better. In the meantime, I need to work through my own and support Jennifer through hers, which runs even deeper.
