A recent guest on the "Mel Robbins" podcast asked who you talk to most in life. My response was the typical one for an older married man: my wife. Well, typical for me, now, but maybe not historically. And perhaps less typical too. In any case, the catch in her question was that the correct answer is "yourself".
Of course. So true. I believe I wrote once that my internal monologue was an argument. Or perhaps a debate, a plea bargain, an engineering retrospective, a performance review, a corrective action plan, an open mic night at a cricket convention, you name it, it's happening in my head, 24/7. Sometimes I even wake up in mid-thought, and today was no exception.
One of he most dramatic takeaways I've strived to stay aggressively conscious of throughout these past 5 years has been the recognition that, as Marlin frequently said to me, "every day is a gift".
I consider that to be the case, but like so many gifts I may receive throughout the measly blip that is my life and range of influence, it's easy to forget. Things desired and acquired become commonplace, overlooked, taken for granted, and just assumed to be a constant. Until they're not. Homes. Jobs. Family, friendships and pets… they're all as impermanent as I myself am. As my own time here is.
I try, every morning, not to allow internal dialogues to drown out the soft, gentle choral voices praising the start of another day, this 'return' back into my life, into the experiences I get to have, good and bad.
I suck at this. It's hard. Really hard. I have 50+ years of habitual and external reflexes taking me out of the moment and into momentum. Places to do, things to go, people to be, or some version of that. I feel bombarded every day with indignation, irritation, consternation, expectation and complication. "This-ism, that-ism, ism ism ism".
Even if I manage to spend a minute or two immersed in gratitude for having "this", or carve out 30 minutes before starting my day with meditation and inspirational input, when all of the chaos that is life comes to the foreground, it's a challenge to remember that the challenges are a part of the experience. The tensions, frustrations, conflicts and losses, too.
Embracing that "I get to be here" and that this is a privilege makes every day an opportunity to give thanks.