Even Scottie can't believe I put my shorts on inside out without knowing it.
My return to atomic habits is underway. I have such apprehension about doing squats. The pushups are never a struggle, but squats take a lot of discipline to start and complete for me. I can't explain the mental block. It's an effort every day yet over in less than a minute. It's also making a difference. Lunch with w/the guys was good, and I look forward to the upcoming weekend. Brian generously bought my lunch, and I tried his modem as a resolution to my mom's network issue. The whole thing was a clusterfuck. I hate how complicated all of this can become. It's like walking into a maze as the walls move behind you and paths close ahead in parallel. I probably spent a total of 8 hrs or more triaging and calling and juggling... to no avail. She's got no internet and I am done fucking around with Comcast. ATT will be installing fiber tomorrow and we will kill off Comcast the same day. Same rate, faster, and she qualifies for a discount, too. As for myself it was a stress test I barely passed. I was tense and confused and could not maintain a good sense of all of the steps and combined attempts and variable settings. I didn't lose it but I came close and it drained me, which sets me up for failure elsewhere when the next need arises. It seemed so simple yet ended up being a mess. One never can tell when well enough should be left alone. I write this, I get physically tense. Agitated. Triggered. And all this is also such a distraction. Such a waste of time. So irrelevant, yet so consuming. There's a rush to making things work, a challenge at times to improving, and a sense of failure and fault when my own expectations aren't met. That this is so destructive to my self image needs resolution. I take it all so personally, and as a negative reflection of me. That's not warranted or deserved, yet habitual.