Highlights: Dropped ice-cream maker at Maroni's. Met with Rachel at Chase on Foxworthy to add a new Jikoji treasurer to the account. Took Mom to 2nd treatment, which included a delay while being 'rehydrated'. Took her back home with Jen, hung out, laughed, told stories, and heard some for the umpteenth time. The awareness of the limited time is one hell of a perspective adjustment. Closed the evening with Jen on the patio. Another in a limited series of recursively routine days filled with significance, every one of them.
Insights: I want to go away for a month. Somewhere where I don't have to do battle. Depression is whispering "why?". Tommy's behavior, feeling old, tired, worn, useless. Out of energy, out of step, out of shape. Out of sync. My birthday has come and passed, with little fanfare. The only hole in what would have felt reasonable would have been to have had my son at least acknowledge it, and me. Yet day 7 of the latest stonewall campaign has come and gone without his breaking protocol. It speaks volumes. It reveals how so much of his assertions of love and gratitude for all we have done to support him gets disregarded over being held accountable for a serious transgression of boundaries and of respect. This is not the first time, as evidenced by a few years of historical records herein will support. But it needs to be the last. It's down to the survival of my spirit. As I see things going forward, there have to be significant shifts made into how I engage. It would be nice if we could agree to be nice. But his wider view is distorted by his ego and immaturity, of course.