Highlights: For at least two years now, I wake, weigh myself, and lament the 20+ delta between reality and desire, while only briefly holding onto intention and resolve. It would be comical if not for the tragedy, yet the obsession and drive itself is born from insecurity as much as from the simple I desire to be healthy, fit, agile and energetic. My effort to live device-less, mostly-kinda, is working out so far. My watch was able to open and start my car. It allowed me to pay for my coffee at Starbucks with my Starbucks account. What other ways might I reclaim my attention? I seek to enrich myself every day by releasing my grip on the obstacles that pull me so habitually into a screen, a task, a challenge, or a puzzle to solve that will likely never reclaim the time invested in its creation, refinement, maintenance, and, of course, the endless expansion of features and capabilities. All as endless sunsets come and go alongside time with friends, in thought, and in gratitude. Coffee with Brian was enjoyable. It's been a real gift to have the free time to maintain connections outside of routine gatherings, which have been difficult to consistently attend. Lunch at Happy Hound with Tim was excellent, as was the chance to reconnect, as always. As a Los Gatos native, he has a similar attachment to that place. We discussed ailments, family, aging, and retirement. As seems to happen more and more these days. His pinball arcade is still thriving, despite a division and split with his partners. I may help out at an upcoming convention in July. Two hawks circle above me today as three ravens dive-bomb one of them. The other garnered no attention. Why? The evening concluded with a wonderful time spent at the Campbell Aqui, with Matt, Diana and Steve. What a fun and expansive experience to discuss, dissect, and explore the past, present, and future.
Insights: Back at home, with headphones playing Dan Fogelberg, I was preparing for tomorrow and got swept up by Ghosts. Not the ethereal other-world idea of a spirit or presence. The Dan Fogelberg song, "
Ghosts". I recalled the shadows of a chair beside the place where the railing ran, in the dining room. The corner upon which her brother lamented the ending of his second marriage, as I sat being silently judged by her, and myself as well, occurring just one week after Jennifer's solo visit, and similar assertions of discord at home were also made. I saw the kids learning to ride bikes in the backyard, then riding them down the street, and eventually into their adolescence. The patio space where an outdoor dining table sits now in place of the prior one upon which I would lay at night, lost in the sky's stars and satellites. Linda sleeping with the TV on, fatigued by the appeal of living in regret and heartache. Most of the moments that truly defined my life as a parent occurred in that space for almost one-third of my Life. So far.
