Insights: It's hard to witness my mom's struggles, both physical and mental. I could tell today she was dramatically off. She struggled with words and thoughts, misremembering names as we talked. She acknowledged it, and through some dialog, it became apparent that she may have taken a medicine she shouldn't have or not taken something she should. Somehow, some of her 'obsolete' medications got mixed up with those she should be taking. I took extra time this evening to sort through and color code them with taped-on sticky notes to match her medication chart, ensuring that she has a cross-reference of whether something is taken daily or as needed. The others are set aside elsewhere. I sent a list of all medications to her care team at Stanford for review and alignment. It's painful to see her struggle. As I've mentioned before, she has always been a very bright person, and watching her decline, even momentarily, emphasizes the reality that her abilities are diminishing along with her timeline. It highlights a near-term horizon at which she will need additional help or care. That may or may not be me. An added complication is the frustration and conflict I feel regarding her being stuck in a narrative that I believe to be false yet validating. They define her. I also recognize that underneath a degree of bravado, she's afraid. I would be and will be too. Bravado is heriditary.
Wednesday, April 09, 2025
Insights: It's hard to witness my mom's struggles, both physical and mental. I could tell today she was dramatically off. She struggled with words and thoughts, misremembering names as we talked. She acknowledged it, and through some dialog, it became apparent that she may have taken a medicine she shouldn't have or not taken something she should. Somehow, some of her 'obsolete' medications got mixed up with those she should be taking. I took extra time this evening to sort through and color code them with taped-on sticky notes to match her medication chart, ensuring that she has a cross-reference of whether something is taken daily or as needed. The others are set aside elsewhere. I sent a list of all medications to her care team at Stanford for review and alignment. It's painful to see her struggle. As I've mentioned before, she has always been a very bright person, and watching her decline, even momentarily, emphasizes the reality that her abilities are diminishing along with her timeline. It highlights a near-term horizon at which she will need additional help or care. That may or may not be me. An added complication is the frustration and conflict I feel regarding her being stuck in a narrative that I believe to be false yet validating. They define her. I also recognize that underneath a degree of bravado, she's afraid. I would be and will be too. Bravado is heriditary.