I'd decided it would be a nice morning for my 2-mile walk. I prioritized this over a stack of paperwork, the lack of outdoor Christmas lights on our house, the weekly jikoji meeting and more. I even considered taking Lucky with me. But I could not find my vest. A dark grey sleeveless down jacket that brings back visuals of Marty McFly. It's my go-to garb for walks, warmth and carrying my phone and earbuds comfortably. Yet It was nowhere to be found, and for whatever psychologically destructive childhood trauma one might correlate this to, it's a massive trigger.
Misplacement is an increasing problem. I could not find a county park pass yesterday. I misplace my phone easily three or four times a week nowadays, having to resort to the "find my" app on my watch to locate it. Only I don't have that ability for a vest or a park pass or the numerous other things I am routinely "setting and forgetting."
I know better than to allow myself to be distracted from putting things down when distracted by another need. I don't always return easily to where I mentally was. I try not to let this get to me, but depending on the incident, it can really lock me up and derail me. (I put the pulse in compulsion.)
Why couldn't I shrug this off? Why couldn't I get a sweatshirt or different coat and take the walk I wanted to? Because doing so leaves a task incomplete. It adds something to my plate to return to and resume. My fight-or-flight instincts all engage. Over something as inconsequential as a misplaced article of clothing.
Is it just me?