Before that time, I consistently listened to this, even as a patron, for a while. I don’t recall the specific episode, but they dovetailed into a personal discussion once, exploring a dysfunctional relationship that deeply resonated with my own experience going through that separation and divorce with somebody I was unable to reconcile with—until those final 13 months of her life.
I’ve been deeply interested in cinema since my 20’s, renting and studying everything from The Abyss to Zelig, the works of Copolla, Scorcese, Allen, Bergman, Kurosawa, Capra, Hitchcock, Kaufman, and many more. I have numerous documentaries such as "A Personal Journey with Martin Scorsese Through American Movies,” "The Story of Film: An Odyssey,” “Visions of Light,” “Hitchcock/Truffaut,” “The Battle of Brazil,” “The Battle for Citizen Kane”, "Side by Side”… you get the picture. (pun intended).
In 1979, at 17, I sat on our porch beside my father as we exchanged perhaps the most poignant emotional exchange of our relationship. My mother and he were divorcing, and he was being sent overseas by his employer. I was enthusiastic about the change as a means for him to escape a dysfunctional situation and find happiness, yet he lamented the change, saying how much he loved and would miss me. We hugged. We cried.
About one year later, I sat in the Century 25 theater in San Jose, CA, with my girlfriend Holly, watching the newly released “Ordinary People.” I was wholly stunned and overwhelmed by the parallels in the final scene.
It was challenging to bring myself to exit until the credits rolled and the rest of the audience departed. I’ve never forgotten that moment or that exchange with my father, who passed away the next decade. Although we had a healthy rapport and relationship, he did not live long enough to have him around after I became a father and began to fill in so many of the puzzle pieces we can’t fully comprehend until we’re on that side of that parent/child fence. A fate my kids will now face as they age into adulthood and parenthood, too.
Revisiting “Ordinary People” this week, with some 45+ years of life experience behind me, feels like coming full circle. I identified closely with Conrad in 1980. Now, I recognize much of myself in Calvin and even some of myself in Beth. I have more insight into my relationship with my kids, who are each navigating the uneven path of reconciling their place in the world, our family, and within themselves and what they went through during these past three years.
The host's insight into cinema's portrayal of our shared humanity and life experiences has renewed my appreciation for film. By talking openly and honestly about each character and their own experiences, they are inviting their listening audience to sit front and center of their life theater, watching their own story unfold, popcorn in hand, with the comfort of knowing that the love, laughter and loss we all experience is shared and universal.