Scottie's presence in our bed can be problematic. I wanted a qreen size bed for space savings and to be closer. The dog in the middle makes for complications. Yet I love him and appreciate how integrated he is in our daily routines. Lucky too, but he's got other complexities. Lauren returned to Sac and I got a lot of action items addressed. Board stuff, bills stuff, bike stuff, stuff-stuff. We visited my mom at dinner. She struck me as vividly present while physically compromised. Her age is showing and it's been a dramatic change even within the last 6 months.It struck and stunned me to so suddenly notice her thinning hair and her fractured stature, I am becoming more conscious about her limited time. The significance her death will have on the remainder of my life is immeasurable. She has been so instrumental in my life story, with consistency, and as much as a friend as as a parent. What a gift it has been to have her as my mother. All of my focus on impermanence will not spare me the pain of the loss of access to her. For now, at least. She already lives on in me. What might it be like to be the last one standing amongst family and friends? That's where she is. I always assume I'll attend all the funerals and have only a scattered few younger association on hand. Yet maybe I'll be the first to go. If so, yeah, I want a packed house.
