I gave myself 30 min to write this morning after completing most of my ritualistic daily regime of reading, meditation and sitting in a state of neutral thoughts. Or at least attempting to do so. Sitting and suspending active thought for 10 minutes, let alone 30, 60 or more, can be tricky, challenging and sometimes impossible. It's nothing tied to being a seasoned practitioner or a beginner. The parallel nature of existence complicates the nature of a discipline. My thoughts today were distracting without being disruptive, and my effort was rewarded with a sense of awareness and alignment with the day ahead. One concept was about just setting an intention for the day ahead. Another was on an extension of this: acting on intention today instead of daydreaming about a fictional tomorrow or future where the goal of writing that book, fixing that door, or visiting that friend will somehow occur without any effort made in the present. Lastly, the reminder that vengeance is an ego effect, and feeling a need to retort and retaliate is to compromise your virtue and integrity. That can come quickly in some instances while being oh-so-difficult in others. It's perhaps one of the most essential tenets of following a stoic and zen path. To not respond in kind to an action perceived as unkind. The day began with delayed awakening (no alarm set) and the realization that Lucky had been left out of the room all night. Tommy had gotten up and left beforehand so there was no opportunity to gauge the tone or temperment du jur. I did order the UV window films and did put a thermometer in his room to better gauge the temperature range. I'm also considering a few other ideas and options to support a more bearable summer. I moved furniture in Lauren's room away from the walls to allow access for Mark's effort to lay the floorboards as one of those quick-hit tastes. I hesitate to document this here because its so dramatically stigmatized as being representative of filth and squalor, but when moving the small bookcase I watched a large but grogily meander from underneath it, across a small patch of floor and under the bed. A cockroach. It took me a moment to process it and another to deliberate the impulse to act quicky and crush it under foot so I could avoid having to hunt for it once out of reach. The hesitation was based on being barefoot. I let it go. It won this round. They are not at all uncommon here. Nearby Lone Hill Park has a massive presence out and around several large rock formations. Still, it's nothing I want as a resident, and there is never only one. It’s now another item to attend to added to my list of responsibilities. Yet as my mom quipped when calling with, you guessed it, computer issues, "At least you're needed. "It's the sort of thing I would say. So it's pretty much throwing my own words in my face. Relatively. And justifiably too. Because it worked. It reminded me of how good it does feel to be wanted and needed. As I do. All in all today went well. I could lament all I did not accomplish (and likely will in a day or two) still the floorboards got done, No pests were seen or found afterwards, and the garage door spring was replaced. Costl, but I moved easily to being conscious of helping others in need of sustaining a independent business. Coffee got roasted and ground. The car got a low- cost charge while Jen and I got to take two walks hand-in-hand to Leigh and back. The a bike ride got postepened to Tomorrow and will get punted again because Lauren is coming down for a short visit until Friday. I see Aqui, Farkel and the Greatest Showman in my future. I'll stick to my current diet focus because I don't want to lose the fraction I have finally achieved. Lucky got a good run playing ball while Scottie continues to look better one minute and worse the next. Sigh. Oh and I frantically tackled the completion and scheduling of the next newsletter while it's pattett changed censustily underneath me. I was getting frustrate. I almost made a point of venting but reigned it in. It's all good. I can manage the improvents needed to make it work better.
