I am glad I followed through on the morning walk to Starbucks with Tommy Monday. I initially declined due to a desire to get some solo quiet time that I am only now, some 9 hrs later, finally attaining. However, it was a fruitful discussion surrounding schooling needs and how I might help manage his funds as best as possible. I want to get him more familiar with bills and budgeting. It's time if not well past time. Jen and I took Scottie to a Redwood Grove park in a quaint little Los Altos neighborhood. That is the best word to describe it. He did pretty well when not seeming panicky over being out of his element. I am hoping he's recovering from whatever joint-based trauma he'd suffered. My mom has had a few difficult days, and I suspect it's coming to a point where I will need to invest more time into helping out things like clearing out old books and dishes and assorted offer things. I also want, and told her as much, to put time into things that make her life more enjoyable. Clearing clutter can be managed after two months or two years after she's gone. I am optimistic that she will find things she wants to do over things she feels obliged to do. As I bear witness to her increasing physical limitations, I wrestle with the reality and the emotions she expresses, and I comprehend from a place outside of her experience. I am making it more empathy than genuine understanding. Maintaining a stoic position seems to require mastering the emotional overload that accompanies the loss of a loved one or, at the extreme, your own ending. One can see how faith and belief in something beyond this lifetime, experience, and identity can bring great comfort. For my part, I have certainly come to a place through numerous experiences that give me a sense of connection to the concept that energy is infinite, well beyond the limited scope of our muted and constrained ability to perceive. I have a faith of my own, based on the combination of science and intuition, yet to consider fully that my parent will be gone at some point soon, inaccessible for the historical recollections, recipes, or sage wisdom insights hit deep. The nature to want security and consistency and that something or someone not be removed from our lives seems utterly contrary to being resolved with impermanence. Is this an innate aspect of human nature or the result of decades of denial, avoidance and entitlement? Discuss.
