Granted, this spans several years of on/off use, the longest consecutive streak being a meter 1/10α΅Κ° of this total, yet seeing that brought a sense of awe and gratitude at how instrumental of a tool this routine has been and has become. At the outset, it was a struggle for weeks, maybe months, to sit and break the decades of habitual rumination and non-stop thought.
I'd spent much of my life lost in reflection and anticipation, in rumination and foreshadowing dread. Attempting to rewrite the past and rehearse for an imaginary future. Sitting still physically was hard enough, even for the relatively brief period of 10 minutes, but to stop thinking at all for even 1 minute was well out of reach. It was tempting to quit and return to the comfort of a known routine, even if it was limiting, which I now recognize as a 'pattern of mind and suspect to be a common one for others.
Now, like a daily jog for a runner or a morning walk for a dog, the routine is embedded and missed mentally when missed as a way I start my day. It's widened in influences to include Stoicism, "Atomic Habits," morning light exposure and sitting zazen for far longer periods. And I get so much out of it.
Today alone, I was guided through the concept of turning observation around, being aware of and allowing sounds to come to me instead of my being an audience to them. And about the value I put on my intentions and aspirations to be a good and healthy cell in the body of humanity (my spin on the concept of being a "sage") being the measurement that matters far more than any combination of external opinions should ever hold. Finally, a quote from Seneca reinforced my position regarding quantity vs quality of consuming "content" in a world with exponentially more choices than time to choose. To choose wisely, with ROI and needs in mind, takes focus and discipline.
“What’s the point of having countless books and libraries, whose titles could hardly be read through in a lifetime. The learner is not taught, but burdened by the sheer volume, and it’s better to plant the seeds of a few authors than to be scattered about by many."
—SENECA, ON TRANQUILITY OF MIND, 9.4
I have said before that our society, humanity as a whole, should set time aside each day to focus collectively on the important things that matter for our growth and evolution, let alone our survival. To set the tone of need and the priority of attention on connection, mindfulness, how we can collectively mature and collaborate to get beyond the ego of "I" and focus on the collective of "we."
That starts at the individual level. This daily practice, this ongoing effort and routine of taking stock of my goals and intentions, feels like an essential step towards functioning positively with others.
Until, of course, my son scoffs at me for his reason-du-jour. Then, all bets are off.